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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel? (Stag do)

310 replies

DiamondShine · 01/07/2017 00:50

In a close circle of friends, all couples, the lads are currently on a stag weekend abroad so us girls got together to for takeaway and drinks tonight.

How would you feel if your the only person who hasn't heard from your man since they landed yesterday afternoon? Literally radio silence.

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 04/07/2017 04:56

I'm surprised so many are saying leave him. We have no actual evidence that beyond a dare he did anything. He was stupid and juvenile and that is not in doubt.

Are people really suggestions leave a 10 year relationship and break up a family over one drunken incident on a weekend away? I don't condone drug use but can see how someone could be tempted to try it on a carefree weekend away.

And yes, yes, he should if contacted but he was obviously putting off hearing a barrage of abuse. Not everyone thinks straight even hungover.

I'd say he has learnt his lesson.

I wonder if it was a woman on here who on a weekend away did the same if we would all be telling her she didn't deserve to be with her family anymore?

Op, if you live him and can talk to him honestly about how this all affected you then if course you can move on from it. Together.

Bluebelle38 · 04/07/2017 04:57

When* hungover

user1497997754 · 04/07/2017 05:41

I totally agree with you Bluebell.....I was in a similar situation with my 2nd husband and acted out of personal hurt and ended my marriage which led to me having to sell the marital home that I had prior to marrying him and was my and my daughters home. I found myself in a much worse place...,emotionally and financially..,..the incident marred my better judgement and I really wish in hindsight that I wasn't in such a rush to end things because there was so much about the marriage that was good. Patience is a virtue and at that time in my life I really should have bided my time before acting on what my heart was telling me not my head. So give yourself some time and breathing space to process what has happened maybe him staying away with friends or family and you both meeting up to discuss how you can move forward with your marriage in a positive light instead of ending things without trying

Gemini69 · 04/07/2017 17:16

he sounds like a kid.... the Brides Brother TALKED him into taking cocaine.. my Arse... did he tie his shoes laces and wipe his bum for him too ... ?

your DH is a rancid fool who went away on a Stag and thought he could get this leg over and get away with it... sadly Smartphones have changed hiding the secrets of the seedy man.....

Good luck to you OP.... you sound lovely... he does not deserve you x

magoria · 04/07/2017 18:13

Poor bloke.

First time he tries coke and burying his face in a woman's boobs he is busted.

Isn't that what they all say?

tadpole73 · 04/07/2017 18:24

Everyone talks as if a decision has to be made now. It doesn't. See how he is over the next few weeks, see how you feel, ask yourself if you would trust him on another weekend away or a course for work. Take your time, don't beat yourself up thinking you should do one thing or another. Life is never that black and white. If it's time to quit in a months, 6 months' time, you will just know.

SaltySalt · 04/07/2017 18:48

Yes tadpole 🙌

DrMorbius · 04/07/2017 22:18

This whole thread is a great example of why you need to be very careful where you post for advice on the internet. Once again the MN Borg Drones almost to a man woman, post LTB at every opportunity.

At the end of the day the Op's DH was a dick, and did some silly stuff. But nothing that was erricoverable. So he dirty danced with a drunk women while drunk himself. Took drugs, not smart, but sometimes stupid seems fun when your drunk. We have all probably done stuff like this, but didn't have a snake streaming it on-line.

merville · 04/07/2017 22:37

Snake posted it online?

There was no suggestion that the FB poster intentionally posted a vid of him grinding with another woman - he was caught in the background.

And as I see it the poster did her a favour - thanks to him she now knows her husband a lot better.

merville · 04/07/2017 22:37

Sorry not posted; streamed it online.

MollyWantsACracker · 04/07/2017 22:43

Hard when he doesn't have any kind of form for this shite, op.

I'm trying to imagine myself in your shoes.

You need space and time.

Bluntness100 · 04/07/2017 22:50

I think the op wishes to believe he went back to the room with the dad and didn't go back later and sleep with this woman first, I guess she will never know unless she catches an std.

For me, the main issue would be no contact to see if me or my daughter were ok, taking drugs, and clearly getting up close and personal with this woman and not thinking twice about his wife or daughter as he did so.

I do understand why she doesn't want to know or believe it though. She was even thinking his drink was spiked of all things. I don't think I'd end it over this, but I would be very wary.

HelenaDove · 04/07/2017 23:23

I agree with AF.

Im also worried that OP seems to have parents who are the type who want her to stay with her H no matter what he does.

I wonder what their reaction would have been if the situation was reversed.

Joysmum · 05/07/2017 09:32

As with anything on mumsnet, you post for advice and pick out the posts that resonate most with you.

DrMorbius · 05/07/2017 20:42

As with anything on mumsnet, you post for advice and pick out the posts that resonate most with you

The problem is, this is not a "balanced" forum Joysmum, there is no "wisdom of the masses" on here on questions like this.

I am the only poster, who said "he behaved like a dick", but didn't forsake his in marriage vows.

AnyFucker · 05/07/2017 20:46

No you are not, DrM

DrMorbius · 05/07/2017 21:38

No you are not, DrM

OK, AF to be scrupulously correct I was practically the only person with that sentiment. There were far more (50/1) signing up to your Dirty Dancing Jamboree, LTB jingoism. although as a quote I will admit that was funny

AnyFucker · 05/07/2017 21:57

practically is not the same as only

And can you find my ltb quote ? At one point I was practically the only one saying hold your horses it doesn't sound like this guy has actually shagged someone

MaQueen · 05/07/2017 22:05

DH and I aren't very texty at all. I think because back when we first got together mobiles phones weren't common at all.

We never text just 'to chat'. We only text if there's a specific reason.

So, we really don't expect regular status updates from each other, though I have friends who do this.

If DH is away on a golf break, or on business I'd probably get maybe 2 texts over a 3-4 day period. Sometimes just one phone call maybe?

But it works fine for us Smile What works for other people is fine for them.

DrMorbius · 05/07/2017 22:06

Oddly AF you were not the "ring leader" far from it, actually you have been rather quiet lately, I hope everything is OK and you were cautioning against the clowns who were "sure" he had shagged some drunken women.

MaQueen · 05/07/2017 22:08

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't read the thread much past the first few posts. Sorry Blush

AnyFucker · 05/07/2017 22:20

You are concerned for me, DrM ?

I am touched. Grin

DrMorbius · 05/07/2017 22:30
Blush
Original poster
DiamondShine · 08/07/2017 14:06

Afternoon Everyone,

I would like to thank everyone for their support. I choose to unfollow this feed for a few days so I could have some clear thinking space.

My daughter and I are back home now and my husband is still here. I have made it perfectly clear that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable and I will not tolerate it if it was to ever happen again.

I spoke with the brides father (H was sharing a room with him) I have known this man since I was 6 years old, and honestly don't think he would lie for my H. He never left the group that night nor did anything else happen with that woman.

As for the coke use, yes he's incredibly stupid, he's said it was his first time and he won't be doing it again.

Only time will tell if he's genuinely sorry. We have been together too long and never had any problems before so I'm hoping it's just a blip that won't be repeated.

OP posts:
mylittlepony6 · 08/07/2017 14:11

I think you have done the right thing. I forgave my husband for something which happened on a lad's holiday. Nobody's perfect. Good luck x

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