The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

When I read the wimpy, poor-me messages I am tempted to message and say "grow up and don't message me, no sympathy for drips here". In reality I delete and move on.

Not loads of extreme sports pics!

So looking for some advice if that's ok. Put my profile up at the weekend, not been afraid to message guys but from that only one has replied - rest have looked at my profile and not replied - I am ok with this. The thing that is bothering me is I haven't mutually messaged anyone that I would be interested in chatting to further. Do you think I could be punching above my weight and that's why I'm getting nowhere? I do have children but I've been mainly looking at guys who also have children.
Surely I should have found someone that I find attractive and want to chat to and the feeling be mutual? Or are my expectations too high? I thought that things might slow down but they don't seem to have started!!

Thanks Smeaton I'm not messaging men I know for sure I don't find attractive, just men that have profiles that seem suited to my kind of lifestyle if that makes sense? I do have ASD so I wonder if that is playing a part in it and I am perhaps reading profiles 'wrong' as my brain doesn't quite work the same way - I think that may also be why I'm questioning if I'm doing it right as I might not actually realise myself if I'm not!

Ha, yes I try to pick something from their profile - can be difficult though! Maybe I'm a bit straightforward and not friendly enough - I have to try hard to remember pleasantries sometimes as if I have something I really want to say to someone I jump in with that first. That's in real life too thoufh but when I notice I have done it I do apologise.

Elm I prefer to be direct and have direct comments back. I'm often told I'm very honest (one of my DCs has SEN and I struggle with lying even to benefit others). Be who you are from the start as pretending to be otherwise is exhausting and has to stop at somepoint.

When I message men I will write "What does X mean?" to ask about their profile. I wouldn't write something cute, flatter them nor add kisses because it seems daft to me. Anyhow others may disagree and I may be missing a trick here!

Yeah I'm always direct, I rarely get chance to message first as I'm still trying to be polite and reply to all the messages I receive, that can't carry on!

Mr Inappropriate has now realised I've got no children Friday night too and asked me to go ice skating as well as the pre arranged date Saturday, good idea or not? He knows I've been going on lots of dates so not sure if he's just worried or if he's just thinking night out and not over analysing everything like I do!

I have another new iron, bit older, local, 1 teenage child, ticks all the boxes and gets my sense of humour! He can be Mrofficer!

Where is everyone else up to with dates so I can try and keep up?

I'm a bit hacked off today. After my very hot date with Mr smiley on Thursday he has acted like a total arse and completely ignored my message I sent him on Sunday asking how his weekend was and how the wedding he went to on Sunday was going!!! I just find it so rude and why have a big snogging session and message someone when you get in saying how lovely it was to meet them if you have zero interest in seeing them again and plan to blank them. It just makes me not believe a word anyone says. I wish men were more genuine. I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall with it all.....why does dating have to be so bloody hard. Sorry rant over.

Hope everyone else is having some better luck.

jonsnowsghost and lana sorry to hear your both back on the market. It's truly shitty. Onwards and upwards.

Elm As I said upthread, I rejoined last weekend and I only found three women I wanted to message and none of those were what I would describe as "punching about my weight". One has looked at my profile and not replied, the others have not looked at my profile but have been online. It's not just you.

@elmleaves it's a numbers game I'm afraid. I go through stages where no one replies then stages where a few good options do.

I have date 7 tomorrow with Mr Local. Our first dinner date. Not talking to anyone else at the moment and only have OKC left, deleted all the other apps & profiles. I go on holiday for a week next week though so am wondering if that will make a difference and if we'll still see each other once I'm back.

Any dates lined up this weekend people?

earth, story of my life. Seems to happen a lot where a man makes out they are really keen and then they vanish or lose interest quite quickly, I'm not sure why they do it, I question it way too much, wether they are seeing other people and found someone more interesting? Wether they were just after one thing? Wether they are just scared to take things further? All I know is it's frustrating and but fair on the other person. I'm not sure how I feel about OLD anymore, I miss it when I stop doing it (mainly because I get lonely and I don't go anywhere to meet people in RL) but when I am doing it I find a t so frustrating and disheartening, the watching your phone waiting for a text, the not knowing if they are seeing others, not knowing if they actually like you or if they are playing a game, it's hard work at times .

LanaDReye that's god to know, I am very straightforward in my messaging I think abd never put kisses! Fingers crossed it is just holiday season!
Smeaton and NoBloodyMore - direct it is, thanks for confirming!
Shatnerswig hope things pick up for you soon too.

earthangel797 I totally know how you feel. The only explanation is they got a better offer in the meantime but its so two-faced that one minute they are all over you then they vanish. And the men who bombard you with messages before meeting seem to be the worst for it.

I've almost given up on dating, although I keep saying that lol. Of all the sites I've tried, the worst seems to be match.com, ironically the only one I've paid for. Oh actually GSM was worse but at least I only paid for a month. I've had two dates off Match and hardly any other messages at all. Most of the blokes on there in my area look grim, part of it is that they all have such appallingly badly taken profile pictures. Why do men think that a blurry selfie taken from below of you scowling is going to attract anyone?

I've got a first date tomorrow with someone who I've messaged on and off on Tinder for weeks. I suggested it and he seemed astonished but pleased. He's coming to a pub near me so not too much hassle if its a no go. Then I'm on holiday, so I've wound down chatting with anyone else as I know I won't be able to meet for a while. I may have one last effort with match.com after that, as I have paid for it ffs.

I feel like OLD is quite toxic in some ways. I would never usually date more than once person. I really like Mr Local but now an interesting iron has messaged me on OKC and I'm thinking 'maybe pursue that too, just in case it's a better match or this doesn't work out'.

I think it's easy to end up in that mindset accidentally. Which was rarely the case back when I was first dating and you met someone in a bar, focussed only on them until it worked or ended.

I was thinking the same Divorce, I have just found Mr Surf is back on POF after he said he hid his profile, I feel a bit annoyed but then I'm being hypocritical because I am still on there too and I have been trying to arrange other dates. In the past I have stuck to dating one person but it rarely works out so now I still talk to others and would arrange a date with someone else. Until you have had the exclusive chat then it's hard to know what to do.

Did you tell Mr Surf you'd hidden your profile, lovemusic?

It's not hypocritical if you haven't said so. If you did say it and you're back on it then.. yeah.

I've been seeing MissTattoo for almost 4 weeks now. She stayed over last night, again. It's nice. I think she's more into me than I am to her, but I like spending time with her and I'm not looking for anyone else. I do wish she was more chatty, as she's very quiet, but I'm happy with things as they are for now

I had a message from someone who looks like a psychopath with a six pack, offering "hot sex". Just to make the offer even better, he admits to doing drugs on his profile.

I am fairly sure he would murder me.

I don't have time to meet anyone next month anyway, so I'm not bothered by how quiet it is. But, seriously! Is that all that's out there?

Pringle I'm already feeling let down that you didn't start something with Mr Beetle as I would love that name to pop up on here. Now you're not seeing Mr Psychopath either...What's wrong with the world?

Bant no I didn't, he told me that he had hid his on our first date as he was fed up of other people messaging him, his profile then disappeared completely but today I was online and noticed his photo pop up on the app (recommended people or something?). I never said anything to him about me hiding my profile. If you have slept with someone do you think they/you should still be on POF looking? I don't really know what's right and what's wrong. He has just messaged wanting to see me tonight for an hour, I'm not sure if I should mention anything. Although we have slept together I'm still unsure about him, I don't know him very well at all, I kind of with we hadn't slept together and just went on a few more dates

Pringle I just had a similar message from someone who states on their profile that 'they are looking for a younger woman for some hot fun'. He sent me a message saying 'how do I get you?', I'm so tempted to write something back. His profile photo is just a neck down topless shot and he's nothing special.

"Why do men think that a blurry selfie taken from below of you scowling is going to attract anyone?"

Yes! So many psychopathic tiny eyed scowly photos!

So many men have such terrible social skills that I am disproportionately involved with the ones who do even basic things that are a bit friendly. there was a guy I was messaging for ages basically because he used to do things like ask how I was. I knew I wasn't attracted to him but a decent friendly chap seemed like such a rare bird I coudln't help engaging with him. Why doesn't someone tell men this!