From Russia With Love (earrings 2)

[MarilynMonsoon]

Can't believe so many of you helped me that I need a new thread!?

No contact tonight, dread tomorrow's return to the flat though

Seconding what everyone has said above but with an extra note of caution. You previously mentioned a conversation with your landlord, following ex causing a disturbance, in which landlord specifically said he did not want your ex returning to live there.

For the sake of safeguarding your money, good reputation and a reference you may need in future, do try to abide by his wishes. Fuck your ex, the future is yours, I hope it will be bright

You are amazing! I'm actually really excited for your new future because you are one kickass lady!!!

Defo be wary of letting exP have the flat after you leave though. Don't feel bad about that (sod him quite frankly) - tell him to get in touch with the landlord himself to ask permission as you don't want to assume. Also, take a photo of every room from every angle on the day you leave and send them to your landlord - this will be your proof that you left everything in good condition. If arsehole ex somehow gets in and causes damage then it's him the landlord will have to go after...x

Spoken to landlord, he will come round as I leave and take pics, he is iffy about ex staying there for three weeks especially after he had the locks changed, but those are the terms of our month notice so I think he is looking at supervising him getting out asap. Not sure how this works legally, our landlord is v practical but a really decent guy too.

No contact anywhere since yesterday, thank god.

One of the tactics of abusive men is that they go to charity shops, buy oversize clothing and wear it. It's to make them look as though they're wasting away.

Your bloke could have tried to make you think you'd lost something by showing you him at his best, shaven, smart, making an effort

Instead he chose the route to try to manipulate you, so you wouldn't attack or admonish him.

I'd also be insulted that he hadn't bothered to shower or shave, making no effort whatsoever to woo me.

Although that ship's sailed too.

Good for you for remaining strong!!

Neither you nor your landlord have any legal right to prevent him moving back in for the remainder of the tenancy, without a court order.

He has no reason to smell and look unkempt. He's staying with mummy. She must have water and a washing machine.

I remember that phase! After I left my x (because he was financially, verbally, physically and emotionally abusive) he stopped shaving and looked like a sad old hunch back in unwashed clothes. I destroyed him you see.

Gosh is that for real Hissy?

Oh yes!

Absolutely true. There is no limit to the depth they will go to avoid being shown up as the monsters they are.

It HAS to be her fault.

Not saying that this bloke is an abuser, no, but he's manipulative and intent on being the victim.

The OP has to be the bad guy, not him and his entitled dick, his wilful spending etc.. "oh no. Not me guvnor."

Yeh whether it is cheating or abusing, they can feel aggrieved victim of your boundary.

What do you reckon - next strategy threats of suicide?

Sounds like you dealt with him with your usual dignity and style Marilyn He's really scraping the barrel with the 'please take pity on me' act but it's obviously all that's left in his arsenal, glad it didn't work but not surprised, you're far too savvy to fall for it frankly.

Your landlord seems to have the measure of him too, he really has burned pretty much all his bridges hasn't he, what an idiot. It's unusual for karma to be served quite so quickly but I doubt I'm the only one who's glad he's already having to lie in the extremely uncomfortable bed he's made for himself.

Sending love and continuing strength to you Marilyn, no doubt you're having your low moments but you're still doing brilliantly

It's all part of the 'script' that they all do to try and get you to forgive them of their behaviour and for you to go back into that hole they have made for you. So they get to continue to do what they want, when they want, to who they want.

Yep, my ex BIL was like this when my sister threw him out (he'd been unfaithful, emotionally abusive, financially abusive etc.), it was "poor him , woe is him, can't look after himself, hobo, poor guy" (he even aksd at one pointhow he'd get his laundry done lol.

Along with cards, flowers, jewellry and lots of talk of fresh starts, blank pages, "he is

The crying/having a breakdown is part of the script I warned you about earlier.

I read somewhere a woman completely serving her cheating ex his ass because he was whining he didn't know how he had ended up in such a mess (completely swerving the 'mess' he'd left his exW in) and she wrote: you're weak, because you're selfish? Because you're a gratification junky who avoids intimacy? Because you objectify the opposite sex? Because you don't respect commitment or honesty? Because you're a coward and string people along? Because you're still a child pretending to be a grown up?

That usually covers it ime.

This snot-fest you experienced from him is the inability to face up to the fact he is a selfish cunt &that being a selfish cunt has real-life repercussions for him. Notice this is still all about him. The instigator of all this. You, as the completely undeserved recipient of all the hurt he's dished out, aren't the focus at all. You feel shocked and sorry because you're a decent human being. But block him lass and crack on with your life because you need people in your life that love you for you.

He seems so unhinged and out of touch with reality.

Think his next move might be to send the OP a dick pic. For no other reason than I can't think of anything more ridiculous that he could do.

If you are joint tenants, you remain joint tenants until the tenancy ends.

This means you both are jointly responsible for rent, costs and damages. It's between you and him how those are paid, this doesn't mean you do half each, just that it gets paid somehow.

Whether the LL decides to chase you both for anything outstanding is up to him but he would be legally entitled to.

Make sure sure take video of how you leave the place. Worst comes to worst you might need it for small claims court from your ex. Hopefully it won't come to that but you can't trust him and it's best to cover your arse just in case.

The next part of the cheaters script is threatening suicide

So a mutual friend has seen/chatted briefly with him on his way to work today, apparently he was very sharply dressed, clean shaven and smelled wonderful. So it's the sad sack look how far I've fallen act for me, mr smooth look what you missed out on for her. I feel like such a fool :(

You're not a fool - he's a knob. Many, many bright, independent women are taken in by men like this.

You don't have to be a fool or a doormat - it happens to the best of us.

You're not a fool. He's the fool.

You deserve better and you're on the way to getting it.

No, you're just not judging him by his standards but by yours.

What a wanker he is.

He probably has several internal voices right now. One of them said 'wear sackcloth and ashes to show my devastation at my mistake.' Unfortunately for him you saw right through it. Hold your head Op, you are doing great.

You are NOT a fool, you are now armed with the knowledge that he is a manipulative wanker and should laugh in his face if he tries the broken man act again. I think I would prepare a strictly score paddle now, so if he does in again you could just say nothing and display the score (perhaps a 2 for effort)

You could really go for it with glitter and shiny gold paper