From Russia With Love (earrings 2)

[MarilynMonsoon]

Can't believe so many of you helped me that I need a new thread!?

No contact tonight, dread tomorrow's return to the flat though

Honestly I'm in awe of you - you are so so much better than him. I'm glad he's in bits, hopefully he'll never do to another person what he's done to you.
You just remember those vile, cowardly things he said to you and wave him goodbye. I wish you the absolute best for your lovely new life and please be proud of how you have handled this whole episode. You rock OP, truly

Well done on the ice maiden veneer and be gentle on yourself now. It's totally understandable you'd feel bad for him and upset - you loved him (or the version of him he showed you) and are clearly compassionate and kind as well as being funny and intelligent.

The thing is though all of this is of his own making - he'll sort himself out in the end, but you are going to be moving on to a new and happier life with the opportunity to meet someone who recognises your awesomeness.

Be careful about letting him have the flat to himself once you've moved. He won't do anything (i.e. damage) to prevent you getting the deposit back fully will he?

I agree with PP about this being another attempt at manipulation. All those horrid things he said and his actions came from somewhere - if he's capable of that then I wouldn't put much past him.

He's not your problem anymore. Yes, it's hard to see someone we thought was our future in a state, but he didn't care about the state his vile words may have left you in. He has shown you who he is. You have listened and acted appropriately. You have a beautiful shiny happy future ahead of you and he will always be a shovelling cheating potty mouthed loser. Onwards and upwards Marilyn - you are truly awesome

*snivilling not shovelling

Well done and stay strong.

Sounds like you've not forgotten how he treated you after you found out, and good that you reminded him.

Please don't soften on him. You're doing really well and remember he's treated you like shit.

He is trying to come back cause she rejected him, but, as it was said, he burned all bridges with you.

You are doing extremely well, it is normal to feel sorry for him, but remind yourself that he didn't feel sorry for you when he left.

"I've got an exotic younger model who will let me sex her and impregnate her with sons because you are barren" - never, ever forget/get beyond/airbrush away the statement he made. I gasped at the sheer LOWness of it when I read it. So what if he's in a state now? He THOUGHT that; he SAID that. Said it to the woman who loved him for years. He'll be utterly desperate now the hand he played was all bluff. You'll mourn the man you thought he was but that wasn't entirely him. The manipulative shagger is like a piece of gristle that you spit out, look at and conclude is so rancid that you bin it and never want to see again. Be wary, grieve the loss of your wasted years then get your sparkle on and enjoy your new, authentic life. You have gained so many admirers here and you will have inspired some women to have the strength to look deeply at and want to change their current relationships. YOU have done that with your honesty, fears, wobbles, grit and awesomess. Change is scary but you really don't want to see that lump of gristle again, do you? Onward, upwards and a toast to you - BRAVO!

Bambamrubblesmum - clever you, you forecast this!

And OP - this was just brilliant:

I said his conduct after he was found out had proved beyond any doubt that he was not the person I thought he was and I didn't want to get to know this version of him any better.

Be careful.

He could either not leave the flat, or leave it in a state. You will at best end up getting your deposit paid later than giving the landlord vacant possibilities sooner, or could end up with a docked deposit plus extra costs mounting up too. You're pkacing a lot of trust in your ex

You have been fantastic OP. You will feel sad as you will be mourning the loss of the man you thought you were married to. It doesn't make the loss any the less painful to find out that he was a mirage. The pathetic person who turned up on your doorstep is only there because his nasty little affair blew up in his face. Not only did he not care when you found out he rubbed salt in the wounds. That is the person he really is not the person he pretended to be. Stay strong.

Who cares? She's well rid, whatever the cost.

Marilyn you are absolutely right, he has shown you his true colours and you no longer recognise the man you fell in love with. You can walk away from this with no regrets, you have done nothing wrong and you can have a fresh start. He's got to live with the car crash of a life he's made for himself. It's awful that he's put you through this in the way that he has but at least you weren't married or had kids with this man.

Congratulations on the flat. Can't wait to hear how you're settling in.

He's crying for himself OP - not for the pain he has caused you to suffer.
Remember the awful things he said - not in temper during a row (even then I don;t know if they are forgivable), but out of sheer spite and vindictiveness.

Fuck him and his self pity.

stay strong lady x

Well done on being strong OP. He's doing whatever he thinks it will take to get you back. Of course you will feel sad but remind yourself of how much better off you are without him. Remind yourself of the vile person he became when he was found out. Your future will be so much happier without him. Onwards and upwards

He is playing the victim to elicit your pity.

If you allow him back into the flat, any damage or bills he runs up will be yours to settle. He could cause £000's in damage. Be fair to your LL and warn him that ex may try to gain entry & he may need to change the locks.

He caused his own misery by lying & cheating.
He has insulted, humiliated and vilified you.
Don't for the love of God feel sorry for him.
How much compassion has he shown YOU?
Protect yourself, and stay safe.

The comments he threw at you were so very cruel and hurtful. Really how anyone could bring themselves to say what he did is unbelievably vile.
He then lied to his mother about you. He blamed you for finding out too soon before Anne B 'had got to know him more' ..... really has his head up his arse.

He slandered you on social media.

He is utterly vile. A real nasty piece of shit. Then he thinks he can still rock up and blame you for not accepting it was a mistake .... he needs to accept the situatiom his Vile behaviour has brought on him.

This is the real him. So glad you found out before wasting any more years with someone who could behave as he hasn't done.

*has done ... fat fingers and phone gah!

The thing is, possibly you could have got over the infidelity; lots of people do. But it was the arrogance and cruelty of his words when he was caught out that are unforgivable. That he had even thought that let alone throw it in your face!

He does deserve your pity, because he is pitiful. But that is all he deserves. To disrespect you AGAIN by turning up in a state as if all you deserve is a grubby, crying wreck. I am so furious on your behalf.

Maybe ask the Landlord to come and have a look around before you move out and sign off the end of your tenancy so are aren't accountable for anything he does there after you leave.

It's the comments about being able to have sons with her because you're "barren" that I really couldn't get over, even more so than the affair. People have affairs because they feel good and exciting, not to hurt others (generally). Those comments were to cut you to your quick, to use the affair and everything that went with it to hurt and destroy you as much as possible, to make you feel ugly and unwanted and useless- three things that you absolutely are NOT.

And that's what I couldn't forgive. Plus, as you say, he has shown he is simply not the person anyone thought he was. So it isn't actually possible to have him back because he doesn't exist.

Ugh. What a horrible little shit he is.

So after the cruel way he's treated you, the nasty, spiteful, hurtful and downright low things he said in the aftermath, not only to your face, but via txt and on social media, he thinks that he can show up, cry 'mistake' and you'll take him back? The bloke has no respect for you at all does he?

He's such an arrogant turd that he thinks you're so weak and so full of love for him that you'd be grateful he'd come back!

OP, you are magnificent. You don't deserve to be treated so poorly and you'll certainly be better without that silly little boy in your life.

As for the flat, speak to your landlord and see whether there's some way of protecting your part of the deposit - perhaps get LL to inspect the flat when you move out so that he'd know the if there were any damage, it wasn't done by you. It may also be worth seeing if there's any legal way of signing over the tenancy to the Dickweasel ex for the duration of the notice period so that you're not liable in any way.

Protect yourself, because it's obvious that this pathetic excuse for a man has no regard for you at all and it's possible that in anger he could try to sabotage you in any way he can, such as causing you to lose money or become liable for damage he'd made.

I really do hope that the move goes well and you'll find peace and happiness in your new life.

It's all part of the 'script' that they all do to try and get you to forgive them of their behaviour and for you to go back into that hole they have made for you. So they get to continue to do what they want, when they want, to who they want.

Men have literally zero imagination.

He's crying for himself OP - not for the pain he has caused you to suffer

Well said

Do you think if OW had taken him he would be crying to you?

Nope.

His better option fell through and he knows you are a decent person who loves him.

Turning up unkempt really is another part of the script it is nothing new.

As every one else says. Please don't let him back without talking to the landlord as he has proven he only cares about himself.