Will my ex and father of my first born ever forgive me or at least want to be friends?

[jodiemumtodavid]

My first born child is now 4. Me and his father met off pof and were very careless and i fell pregnant. We were totally not right for each other so I called things off with him when i was 5 months pregnant. Please don't judge me but I got back with my childhood sweetheart whilst i was pregnant. Things as you can imagine were very tense for the rest of the pregnancy and when baby arrived. We let him see his son every other weekend and i always let him take him during the week when he wants to take time off work and asks for his boy. We have never asked for any maintenance money from him. We don't argue but he is so cold with me. I try and be nice to him when he picks up ds but he barely says a word to me. Me and my now husband also now have a daughter together so my hubby deffo does not tread too much on the daddy role to my boy. He refuses to be in the same room as my husband. I really feel sad that my boy is going to pick up soon that his dad hates his mum, and also things like birthday parties i just can't see him or his family ever wanting to do a joint celebration.

lello 😂😂😂 class one.

My ex is all sorts of things. I am protecting myself by being as I am with him. But sure you carry on in your delusion.

This is why we have condoms love.

Do people who have dumped their boyfriends lose the right to decide who comes to the hospital when they are a patient then Sunny? Maybe OP didn't want her newborn taken away from her on the ward, or her ex who hates her seeing her so soon post partum, vulnerable, exhausted, bleeding, possibly trying to feed. He refused to see the baby before 5 days because the arrangements didn't suit him. If he isn't desperate enough to meet his newborn to swallow his pride then he also isn't desperate enough for the OP to have to lose her privacy.

I think he's just keeping up appearances to be honest with school and hospital visits. I don't think he is a bad guy. He is well presented, takes ds for fundays out, i trust him, and he comes from a nice family but he just wasn't right for me. It all happened so fast. Yes it was messy when i got with my now hubby but we only split up a few months before i met my ex. When i found myself single and pregnant i needed security i guess.

I'm livid just reading this so goodness knows how your ex feels. Stop with the "we", it's nothing to do with your current partner. As for him meeting the baby before his actual father, that's just indescriblu awful. I'm questioning the authenticity of this thread to be honest.

We were totally not right for each other so I called things off with him when i was 5 months pregnant. Please don't judge me

You are allowed to call things off with a partner if it is not right.

And have you used your actual names for your user name?

I don't blame him wanting to sit in your and your dh home you could have easily found a more neutral ground to met sooner the hospital being one.

Well on a side from when baby was born my ex was convinced he wasn't baby's father so when he came to meet him for first time he did a dna sample and sent it off for test to confirm he was babies father, so to be fair to him it wasn't just about not wanting to come to our house. As i said, it all got tense and messy around that time.

Seriously OP, stop trying to justify yourself to posters who have decided to give you a kicking no matter what. You have facilitated contact, encourage and support their relationship and don't even claim maintenance to make his life easier. Just accept that he is entitled to not want to be friends, and stop trying to grovel to him. As long as he is a good Dad that is all that matters.

Sorry, i don't mean to write we, its just out of habit, sorry. We are a family unit though and ds is part of our family. I think its important for him to grow up in a secure family unit.

If you want to visit a newborn you go to their home. OP went elsewhere with a 5 day old to make it easier for him. She did enough.

Ok. I just wanted to know if anyone had any similar situation and if things got better, and if there was anything else i can do to make things better. I just want best for my boy at the end of the day. He didn't ask to be born into this situation. He's such a happy funny lil boy but i also know people who have grown up with insecurties originating from their parents relationships and i really really want to avoid any long term damage to ds.

I'd relax OP and let time heal. He is involved with his son, he can be civil if needs be. I'd count yourself lucky that this situation could be a lot worse than it is. It's not perfect and probably never will be but it's ok. I've seen a lot lot worse than this.

Thank you Polly.

I am not surpised he wanted a test

It was sensible. As i have said i dont think you should beat youself up about getting with your ex. But you have to understand his hurt and his poiny of view.

You cant blame him for wondering if there was a time you were sleeping with both of them.

If he doubt a dna was the right thing to do.

I'm not giving anyone a kicking. Life is messy and I have literally no judgment for you getting back with your ex while pregnant I can assure you of that. Not ideal but these things happen. It's the use of "let" and "we" that I am addressing and this implication that the ex is preventing his child from having a healthy stable background by not being friends with the ex. I won't post again.

I think you're getting a bit of stick here: when you've just given birth, I think it's natural to only see who you feel comfortable with.

The "we allow access" is the wrong attitude, for sure.

It would be nice to be friendlier, but it's up to him. I would carry on being civil and being as kind as you can about the situation. When he's happier in his own life, he may mellow towards you.

Sorry but, other than talk related to the child, I'd want nothing to do with you

Do you think ds will think worse of me when he inevitably finds out about everything when he is older?

Ypu want him to do joint birthday parties with you. Why?

You want him to be in the room with your husband. Why?

Honeyroar this guy chooses to be nice in front of HCPs and teachers. You can dress that up as much as you like. He's manipulative. The child is now 4 years old. Time for this immature twat to grow up. He got dumped. It happens. It's the child in the middle of this who will suffer and it won't be long before he starts to realise that daddy can smile at mummy in school but nowhere else. That sort of shit and lack of consistency is what damages kids.

and i really really want to avoid any long term damage to ds.

But you can't control how his dad reacts. You created a situation and all you can do is hope that it gets better.

Does your son come home with any bad attitude towards you or repeat any nasty comments about you? I think he would be doing so if his dad was saying unpleasant things about you.

You cannot make him like or accept your situation but I agree it's damaging to have a bad atmosphere between parents. Keep being civil and reinforce good stuff with ds such as praising his dad for taking him on nice days out etc.

Maybe he will soften one day if he meets someone and has another family. He's very entitled to feel upset.

Well, blimey, if you got pg when you had only been with your partner a short time then there is no onus on you to stay with him and be a happy family for ever!

And if at first you felt you wanted to be with your partner, then changed your mind, then that's fine too - these things happen.

Your ex should not be beinng shitty and cold about it years later.

He should also pay maintenance.

If he'c coming to appts and school things with you then I'd tell him that unless he's polite to you - or your mum/h - when collecting ds, then he can't come to anything else.

Your ds will certainly be picking up on this, and it will be damaging for him.