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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mystery earrings

999 replies

MarilynMonsoon · 23/06/2017 13:33

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

OP posts:
FairfaxAikman · 23/06/2017 19:17

It worries me that so many people think this is absolute proof of an affair.
It suggests it certainly but is by no means concrete IMO. I'd be gathering far more than this before confronting him - because if he was having an affair I wouldn't want him to have ANY room to wiggle out of it.

Hotpinkangel19 · 23/06/2017 19:18

I would be concerned if it was me, can you do some digging?

user1496940061 · 23/06/2017 19:19

Agree it doesn't look good - BUT There may be an explanation !
Tread carefully before accusing !

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 23/06/2017 19:20

Don't call the restaurant!
Sorry OP, doesn't look great. As it's not a court of law you don't have to have enough 'evidence' to convict him. It's pretty obvious something isn't right here.

jollyjester · 23/06/2017 19:24

You really have two options

  1. Ask him outright now before he twigs on you might have found something
  1. Play the long game and gather as much evidence as you can that you suspect something is going on.

Do you have DC?

ISpeakJive · 23/06/2017 19:39

Any chance the earrings may have been planted there by her as a way for you to find out?

HildaOg · 23/06/2017 19:45

ISpeak, that's very possible...

user1497997754 · 23/06/2017 19:47

Why don't you wear them and say to hubby ....do you like my new earrings and and see what response you get.....should tell you what you need to know.....disinfect them first tho.....

HildaOg · 23/06/2017 19:49

She can't user, her ears aren't pierced.

ChocolatePHD · 23/06/2017 19:50

If it was me I'd have to ask him straight up immediately. You've already got the receipt and earrings, no need to play games. Just ask him straight up before it does your head in.

BossLady86 · 23/06/2017 19:52

Not looking good...champagne dinners and earrings. I'd keep snooping and gather your evidence.

LexieLulu · 23/06/2017 19:55

Defo snoop before accuse xx

working925 · 23/06/2017 20:04

Ask him and then you can move on. I spent three days last week worrying myself sick over something that had a perfectly reasonable explanation. I should have just asked in the first place.

StealthPolarBear · 23/06/2017 20:40

"ISpeakJive

Any chance the earrings may have been planted there by her as a way for you to find out?"
As a pp said its quite unlikely the wife would see, surely. Dh could have another woman's bra in his soap bag for all I know

debbs77 · 23/06/2017 21:02

Really hope there are reasonable explanations for you OP xx

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 23/06/2017 21:13

do you use any messenger apps..lots (whatsapp for sure) have a "last seen" time on them, you could see if there were any times that were odd for him to have been online.

ButtMuncher · 23/06/2017 21:18

Yeah, I'd be seriously freaked out too. The earrings would be enough to make me unsteady but the combination of the two would throw it. Brilliant advice on here - good luck Flowers

reallyreallyreallyreally · 23/06/2017 21:27

Champagne dinner + earrings ... Sad

You're going to have to ask him...

JustMumNowNotMe · 23/06/2017 21:38

Can you access his phone records? You'll also need to see his phone to check for WhatsApp/Facebook/Kik messages.

Don't say anthing yet until you've had a chance to look at these, that is what I would do.

Anything you find photograph it and email it to yourself for safekeeping.

If his google maps thing is on it will show his movements on his timeline. I'd also check his internet history for online bookings, shopping etc. It is also possible that if he did meet someone in yjr hotel, it was an escort rather than someone he is having an affair with- his internet history will show if this is the case.

I hope there is an innocent explanation OP,but its not looking great Sad

Newtothis2017 · 23/06/2017 21:49

Hope you are ok💐

ISpeakJive · 23/06/2017 21:50

As a pp said its quite unlikely the wife would see, surely. Dh could have another woman's bra in his soap bag for all I know

Yes, but the earrings would also have to be hidden from her DH too. If he saw them he'd get rid of them.

StealthPolarBear · 23/06/2017 21:52

Sorry confused whose dh?

ISpeakJive · 23/06/2017 22:00

The OP's DH.

Graceflorrick · 23/06/2017 22:00

There's only one explanation I can think of Blush

MarilynMonsoon · 23/06/2017 22:02

Confronted hi , he's fucking the girl from work, he ask me to go through his bag for washing, stupid arse forgo he'd swiped her earrings for their. Exit shag,

OP posts:
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