Mystery earrings

[MarilynMonsoon]

Not sure where else to get advice for this.

DP works away sometimes, we've not had trust issues before and I'm usually happy to wave him off. He was in a hotel for two night midweek this week and nothing out of the ordinary behaviour wise prior to that.

Was going through some of his packing to tidy up/sort laundry - not snooping I have to add, I've never felt he might be doing anything behind my back, but in his wash bag I found a pair of earrings that aren't mine. They are not a gift because I don't have pierced ears.

Since his return he's been affectionate and normal if a bit glued to his phone, but he does a lot of work on it so again not out of the ordinary.

I feel really confused, I've never had a reason not to trust him but I can't shake the sight of those earrings. Returned them to bag but took a pic on my phone. What do I do?

I think the explanation about the earings is bullshit.

The dinner - well if you are away with a colleague you still have to eat. If he was away with a work colleague I would expect to see this cost expensed for reimbursement. If he doesn't do this and show to you it's not looking good. If he does do this all you have is ongoing uncertainty as it could be an affair with a work colleague.

You were not snooping in any case, you were tidying up and sorting through his laundry things.

If he did find them, why did he not hand them in?. The fact they were in his wash bag is itself suspicious as is the restaurant receipt (and his being glued to his phone). These earrings were placed in his bag, they were not simply found.

Photograph the receipt also.

Asking him probably won't result in him admitting it, but if he acts strange, angry, flustered etc that screams guilt. If there is an innocent explanation he has no reason to feel defensive.

It's not looking good - I'm wracking my brains here, trying to think of an innocent explanation for the earrings. The restaurant receipt is possibly different, depending on which restaurant - maybe the bill is for him and a couple of colleagues? But the earrings + restaurant bill = nice dinner for two and early night with OW.

Maybe.

Can you have a casual conversation about how his trip away went, how the hotel was, etc, and subtly slip in how he was occupying himself in the evenings? Very light and breezy. If he says he stayed in his room alone both nights then you know that's a lie straight away.

Why is the wash bag important tiger?

Yep, do what @WhatALoadOfOldBollocks says.

Yes good idea to google the restaurant- was he where he said he was? Is it a fancy date type of place?

Does the food/drinks on the bill give you any insight?
If my dh had dinner with a colleague on a work trip he would not only tell me but probably send me photos of everything they had to eat. He likes to share...

Sorry op it doesn't look good.

My theory is that OW is fed up of being strung along so put her earings in bag so you would find them.

Or she took them out and left them by mistake so he picked them up to give them back next time.

The cheater telling the truth, if they have indeed cheated, happens when they are faced with proof and can no longer deny.

If you want the truth, which may be bad news, you should calmly gather your evidence without H realising what you are doing. So far you haven't got enough of that evidence, and what you have is deniable. You will need such things as itemised restaurant receipts, phone evidence, emails, whats apps, and so on that will incriminate. The phone is the most likely source in your case because of him nursing it. There may even be another 'burner' phone.

Don't confront him until you can prevent H from being able to deny what he has done. Perhaps the earrings are innocent, but I would doubt that IIWM.

I could understand a celebratory meal with colleagues but there's champagne on there and he said they didn't even close the deal they're after yet

I'm sorry Marilyn, I think it's fairly clear what's gone on :(

Two meals, quite fancy, prawns, steaks.

Champagne. Oh dear. That doesnt look good. So sorry op.

I'd put them somewhere prominent and be there when he comes across thm

get your ears pierced with them?

Sounds def like ow. .

I think you need to keep quiet until you can gather more evidence.
My friend played the long game with her ex in that she copied hiz credit card bills, petrol receipts, everything.
She was able to work out exactly where he was from petrol stations and mileage.

Did you speak to him or message him on Wed night and ask what he was up to that evening? As this would prevent him from being able to give you a different version if you ask him about it now.

Do not let your thoughts that he would never cheat leave you blinkered to what you're actually seeing.
Snoop, collect info, photograph.
Do not challenge or ask him anything yet.
Act normal

This looks bad. I am sorry

We don't have that kind of money for dinners out though

I'm sorry you're going through this. In context it looks really bad.

Yes he said he was at hotel bar weds night for a few drinks there are two recipes one is itemised the other is like a card holders copy with total so this will show up his statement yes?