Absolutley broken

[Nixs186]

I have lurked but never posted before. I never thought I would need to post.

I found out yesterday that my DP has been with someone else. He works with her they've been sleeping together at her flat. I found messages, through snooping, to my eternal shame, after thinking something wasn't right. He tried to deny it but I had the proof. He then admitted it and left for work to see her where he has decide to leave me for her. We have a DD who is nearly 2.
I realised yesterday in all the confusion that my period is late, we had been trying so I took a test and it confirmed I am pregnant. I'm in shock at everything. The house is in his name so me and DD have had to move in with my parents with all our stuff.
I really don't know what to do. He knows about the pregnancy but doesn't seem to care. I have family telling me to terminate but I look at my daughter and I feel so sick at the thought of it. Please hold my hand

You are absolutely doing the right thing . You WILL get through this but it won't feel like it right now.
Take each hour as it comes, then half a day, then day. Every time you feel totally panicky come on here or do anything to keep you occupied until it passes.

You are only dealt what you can deal with , someone said to me when I was going through a similar situation. I can't believe I surfaced from the big black hole but I did and you will too.

Totally thinking of you and sending lots of strength x

It won't feel like it now but you WILL feel better in time. I think once you are in your own place with dd and away from your mother and the memories of your old house you will start feeling better. X

Please know you are not alone. There are so many people here who care xx

Just read this and my heart goes out to you. We are all here for you, so please rant, cry and get angry on here - we're listening.

Sounds like you've been handed a shitty lot when it comes to relations and partners too. Really feel for you and your DD

Hi nix.
Being heart broken is a horrible place to be... on par with grief. So slow down dont make any rash decisions.
Break everything down and prioritise. .. first ... do YOU want to keep your 2nd child.
Just to let you know , I knew when I was pregnant with my second child that I wasn't going to be with their father and I spoke to a pragmatic friend who said what ever happens in your future your kids will have siblings. This was a big deal for me as I'm close to my 'real' sister more than my half's. I kept and had a lovely three part family.
Secondly you need to get housing away from your toxic mother.

So speak to local authority, social housing , even your landlord... If you were a good Tennant he/she might make exceptions.

Stop and breathe ...... its all about you your daughter and your new addition if you so wish.. to be part of your little family.
With best wishes x
All thoughts on him are wasted time and energy

Oh my love

I have no real advice but just wanted to send you a huge hug. Things will be better, not right away, but they will be.

And when they are, you will be stronger and more amazing than ever before xx

I'm right on the edge right now. I'm so down I can't even post on here. I don't want to get out of bed on a morning, I had to force myself to have a shower yesterday and cried through it. Today I couldn't face it (disgusting I know). I've been prescribed something but I'm worried about taking it with the pregnancy. They've said there isn't a massive risk but I'm so worried even though I don't know what I'm doing yet.
My head feels like it will explode. Every day is worse.

So sorry to hear this, Nixs.

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things will gradually get better. It sounds trite, but time really is a great healer.

You are strong. You can do this.

Take a hand hold. We are all thinking of you.

I've been in a similar situation to you, and I promise you that things will get better. They honestly will. Keep going. This is the worst part. We are all here for you xxx

Hi nix.
For you to be worried about your medication I believe is your subconscious telling you that at this moment you still want this next child. So again no rash decisions.

It's ok not to have a shower every day .You're dealing with a traumatic experience . Give yourself a break !
Tomorrow is a new day, take a breath,have a shower ( nice lotion ),have what ever you want for breakfast. ......These all sound triviual but its all about self worth then give your beautiful daughter a big hug and start making small steps.
X

Giving you a hand hold OP!

You will get through this I promise you. Just keep on trudging on and it will get easier. It might start slowly and you might not even realise it yet but things will get brighter.

I can honestly hand on heart say that life will be so much better for you but you have to keep plugging on to get there.

We are all here to hold your hand

I really feel for you right now..... Loss can be devastating.... Whether it is a relationship or a bereavement. Having no control over what is happening to you is frightening but you will get through it. So what if you don't manage a shower today, you got up and you kept going, that is all that matters. Life will get easier in time or at least your ability to cope with the things thrown at you will improve. Keep posting for support here, get as much support from the health professionals as is available. I'm not a church goer myself but if you are seek their help too. Take all the "good" support available to you to balance out the toxic help that your mum and mil seem to want to provide.

Take care

You can do it OP, it is difficult but you WILL cope
I was in a similar position , young , pregnant with my first and I walked in on my ex cheating on me with a teenager !
I didn't speak to him until 3 weeks after the baby was born and looking back he's done me the biggest favour .
I now have a lovely partner who treats me right and I am pregnant with my second .
You WILL get through this xxxx

I'm so sorry OP.
This is heartbreaking to read.
Not much I can say will make you feel any better right now.
Just that many of us have been where you are and we did come out of it.
It took me a good year to get myself back after my ExH cheated.
It's a long dark tunnel but there will be light at the end of it.
I promise!
Keep going for your DD and for yourself.
Don't let this scumbag get the better of you.
for you! and a big fat (((((HUG)))))

Thinking of you, Nix.

How are you Nix? I know you won't feel like it but getting back to work may actually help. Having some distraction and being forced to put on a brave face. Days can be incredibly long without work, especially if you are feeling very low xxxx

Hope you are ok. Just checking in on you

Im in a worse place now. Had contact and he pushed me into the door frame of the home we used to live in while I was holding our daughter. I had to remind him I was pregnant but he didn't care.
He rang his mother to say I was assaulting him and i had tried to break some of his stuff. I really hadn't I just wanted my daughter to be safe. I had to get my mother to come and get us. For once she is on my side.
I'm so confused at the man he has become. I was shaking and sweating. My mouth was so dry. I couldn't concentrate. I wasn't paying much attention to him after that because my mother was there within 5 minutes but she said he looked manic and extremely angry. He kept saying I wasn't welcome in the house and trying to push me out but leave DD there. No way was I doing that.
I really don't know how much more I can take. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to make him hate me so much? He was so loving and caring I just don't understand.

get him Charged... he cannot put a hand on you sweetheart x

Nix
You are going through utter shit right now. You are understandably hurt and confused. You need to take a deep breath and try to find some strength to consentrate into you and your daughter as priority number one. Remember to force yourself to eat regularly even if just half a slice of toast 3 times a day ..,, lack of food really messes with your head. Another thing is stay off booze as this also creates false highs and lows. You need to keep yourself on an even keel.., go for walks with your daughter it will burn off nervous energy and help you to sleep a little. You may never get the answers you are after but you will survive this. Make a list of practical things you need to do, have you got any closer sorting out a place to live. Keep strong it will get easier eventually x

I wish I lived near you! You poor thing, what an absolute cunt he is. Hes just assaulted the pregnant mother of his child on top of everything else. Please consider contacting the police and women's aid, they will help you. As for future contacts you would have every right to insist that this takes place in a contact centre from now on, to keep you and dd safe. Sending you a huge hug

How are you doing Nix?

Hi nix how are you? It's a stupid question I know. I've been in a similar situation although not pregnant I must admit. If you have any reservations about your daughter being safe loved and properly looked after by him then don't let her go. Women's aid/refuge can help you. Even though you have somewhere to live they will still help you through this, they can offer advice and help with housing, maintenance payments, access arrangements and a whole host of other things. I wish I lived closer to you. Just remember you have things he can never hope for and the greatest of those will be the respect of your kids. Many people get what they deserve in life and karma will bite his ass big time. If u ever need a chat please inbox me, don't ever feel alone. I'm a chronic insomniac so I'm always around. Concentrate on yourself and your child/children, you deserve so much better than him. Stay strong. Maybe it's worth you trying to get out and about a bit if u can. Start off small, maybe a playground with your little one or swimming? Anything to occupy your time. I made the mistake of isolating myself and I would've died on the sofa if I'd kept on as I was. Honestly lovely, day or night just inbox me xx