Absolutley broken

[Nixs186]

I have lurked but never posted before. I never thought I would need to post.

I found out yesterday that my DP has been with someone else. He works with her they've been sleeping together at her flat. I found messages, through snooping, to my eternal shame, after thinking something wasn't right. He tried to deny it but I had the proof. He then admitted it and left for work to see her where he has decide to leave me for her. We have a DD who is nearly 2.
I realised yesterday in all the confusion that my period is late, we had been trying so I took a test and it confirmed I am pregnant. I'm in shock at everything. The house is in his name so me and DD have had to move in with my parents with all our stuff.
I really don't know what to do. He knows about the pregnancy but doesn't seem to care. I have family telling me to terminate but I look at my daughter and I feel so sick at the thought of it. Please hold my hand

I'm still trying to get myself together.
I know what you mean about the eye of the storm. It's all so raw and painful. I hate the thought of being on my own with 2 children or even just 1. I'm scared for the future but I hope it will pass. I really appreciate all advice and people taking the time to post. It really does mean a lot. I knew people on here were supportive but seeing it from the other side rather than just reading other threads is lovely.
I still can't get my head round it and I'm so very upset and down, but I do feel a little less lonely and I've had some amazing advice.

I'm reading this with such sadness for your Nixs... I have to say I'm glad you felt ANGER at his Mother's constant responding to Texts because the Cowardly Son refuses too.... Anger is a good emotion.. it helps you think sharply and quickly... it will also help clear the fuzziness of your raw emotional state... so if Anger lifts the fog... then Angry is what you should be... don't let these people walk over you Sweetheart... your a Mother and an Independent Woman if you allow yourself to be.... You must think of yourself and your DD... the pregnancy can be dealt with in time.. whichever path you chose... focus on the things you CAN control and avoid the things you Cannot... and please be kind to yourself x

Keep posting for the support. Loads of us have been through this and survived so can tell you it does get better - how you feel won't be how you feel next month or even next year.

I left with 2 kids under 3 and went and lived with my mother in a 2 bedroom flat for a year. It took time but I've got my own place now. I put everything into the kids and we've a great bond. It gets easier as well and they give you a lot of happiness.

You need to make your own decision about your pregnancy as it's you that will have to bring it up. You will gain strength and you will make friends when your DD starts school. You'll gain a support network then.

Treat this as if you've got the flu as in look after yourself - eat well, early nights, lie on the sofa watching crap if it gets you through the worst. Time will pass and you won't feel as bed so just get through it. Try and actively take your mind off it by trips to the park with your DD every day as it'll do you good. Make an effort to chat to people. I've made friends from taking the kids to the park. Don't get into arguments with him. Fob him off and his mother. Say your DD is under the weather right now so won't be going with them, say maybe next week if she's better. Then say she's a bit clingy so doesn't want to leave you, maybe next week. Keep fobbing them off for a bit. If they push then say no outright. You can control that. Don't be steam rollered.

Same with your mother. Just say, yes mother you've made your point so please drop it. I need space to think. I do this she's terrible saying she won't love it. Total emotional blackmail.

"bed" above should be "bad" - too much wine tonight

I've had another phone call from his mother saying that he is willing to see DD if I take her down to the house we shared at 11 tomorrow. I'm going to be there the whole time but so is his mother. I really convinced she's loving the drama.

He's "willing"

Fuck that. How big of him to be "willing" to see his own child

Sorry but sounds like his mother is pulling his strings x

Op I'm so so sorry you're going through this. He has been so incredibly selfish. For your sake, I suggest you calmly and firmly tell them both that Sunday won't work for you. You're going through an awful lot and you certainly don't owe them any excuses. I imagine they might try and corner you into making a decision over your baby, don't let that decision be theirs, only you can make that decision. Thinking of you op x

I'm so sorry you are going through this and he is an utter disgrace.
Stop contact with his mother, he should be dealing with her now, not you.
If he wants to see his daughter then he can pick up his phone and contact you

You DO NOT NEED TO SEE HIM yet, nor do you need to accept calls from his Mother!!!! You decide, things are too raw just now, block her calls and his and tell him you will contact HIM not his Mother when you are ready to!!! If he pushes it tell him to back off!!! Are there any local churches near you?Especially Baptist, contact the church, tell them you are being pressured into an abortion by your emotionally abusive ex and Mother. That you have a two year old and face being on the streets if you don't do as your Mother asks! You may get support/ help from the people in the parish. If you don't feel comfortable doing this then take your daughter and turn up at the housing offices of your local council, tell them you have been made homeless as your Mother is abusive, is insisting on an abortion and your ex has practically thrown you out! They may put you in temporary accommodation but hopefully they can rehouse you! You need away from your awful Mother and ex and you need space to grieve your relationship! Don't let your awful Mother bully you into an abortion!! What an evil thing to say!!! It sounds like you are being bullied and manipulated by two overbearing and controlling bullies (your Mother and your ex MIL!!), it may be worthwhile contacting Woman's Aid, the way your ex is behaving is unbelievably cruel and I would not be surprised if he has been emotionally abusive all along (your tolerance levels would be low with how your Mother has always treated you!)

Do not take your child to see him! Especially with his mother there!

If he wants to see her, he sorts it!

I promise you that no matter how much you want to see him, even though you hate him too, you will come away feeling even shitter and sadder and more confused.

Please give yourself some space and time.

I think I'll have to say no to his mother being there. If he doesn't want the he doesn't see her. I can't say no to him seeing her now because that wouldn't be fair on anyone. Wish I felt like him and didn't care but I do. It's so painful. I think I will feel worse when I come away from them both.
I told his mother I was thinking about going ahead with the pregnancy. She told him but he doesn't care. She tried to talk me out of it. At the moment I feel I would regret terminating more than I would not. This is still part of me it's not all his. My mother said I won't cope with two and she wouldn't help. His mother said pretty much the same. He's probably thinking the same but I wouldn't know because he refused to talk to me.
My mind is in overdrive wondering what he's up to. Wish I could switch it off.

I'm so sorry you're surrounded by such shits on all sides. This situation is not your fault at all. I think your ex & his mother need a lecture in contraception.

Block mil's number, she doesn't need to contact you. Can you move back in to the family home?

I can't move back there because it's all in his name. Even though he's moved with her he said I had to get my stuff and hand the key back or he'd have me done for trespassing. I feel like emailing his work and letting their boss know what they've been up to in the staff room. Having sex before work anywhere they could. I just want him to feel some of how I'm feeling. I know it's totally irrational.

Can you contact the landlord & explain that he has moved out & get it changed to your name?

I won't be able to afford the rent on my own. Even if I get benefits the landlord doesn't want anyone on benefits. That was made clear even when we moved in. I don't know why. Maybe they've been burned in the past. I'm not shooting down any suggestions i just know they won't.
I hope I start thinking clearer soon. It still hurts so much. I feel sick all the time.

Ugh, what bastards! Firstly, if you're not ready for access then text or email them right now and say you'll let them know when you are and in the meantime to back off. Also, his mother has no right being involved; he's an adult, he caused this shit storm, and he should be dealing with it on his own. Put your foot down, block her and tell him that you will only deal with him. She has no rights over you or your DD at all don't forget, and she only has her darling son's best interests at heart, not yours and not DD's.

It's worth asking them, it would save them the cost of advertising & waiting for someone else to move in. Don't listen to what exP has to say on the subject, he won't get far contacting the police to say you're trespassing it's your home.

To be honest I don't really want to live in that house. It has too many memories and I think it would make me worse. Maybe I'll regret that but I really couldn't stay there. Especially after how I've moved out and the way I was forced out. It would never feel like my home now. I wouldn't feel any comfort living there. It may sound silly but I really can't stay there. It's too painful.
I'll try to block his mother but I know she'll just turn up today. Wish I could have someone with me but no one wants to see him and he really doesn't want to face anyone. I think he would leave without seeing DD.

If his mother will be there, please have someone with you, then you can both agree that they both go away & it will be just you, dd & ex. Do you drive? Can you just leave if you see that mil is there? I take your point about the house, i left the home that i was joint owner of with ds, i didn't have the strength to fight that battle as well.

No I don't drive. I really need to start learning again but for various reasons I gave up. I'll look into that once I think I can afford it. I need to get myself psyched up to see him and his mother. I really hope I find someone to go with me.

Nixs so sorry you seem to be surrounded by utter shits. At least you now know your ex partner is the kind of man child that is ok to throw his girlfriend and DD out of their home and is then too pathetic to face up to what he's done so has to get his mummy to do all the talking for him. I'm sure the OW will realise what a catch he is!
Your m has also treated you badly and seems to be taking advantage of you when you are at your weakest.
None of this is normal behaviour. Unfortunately I'm the other side of the country but I really hope you find some RL support close by. Can you speak to your boss? sounds like she could be supportive.

She's got a lot on at the moment. It's a busy time at work for us. She was amazing giving me the holidays for next week to be honest. I've probably really left them in the shit.
I don't know what I've done to deserve any of this. I'm utterly heartbroken. I feel sick all the time and can't get my head round it. Right now if he wanted me I'd probably take him back. I really am that pathetic.

That's why it's best you don't see him until you're feeling stronger and more resolute. You're going to come away from this meeting feeling so, so down and disappointed because he won't engage with you. Please protect yourself.