Absolutley broken

[Nixs186]

I have lurked but never posted before. I never thought I would need to post.

I found out yesterday that my DP has been with someone else. He works with her they've been sleeping together at her flat. I found messages, through snooping, to my eternal shame, after thinking something wasn't right. He tried to deny it but I had the proof. He then admitted it and left for work to see her where he has decide to leave me for her. We have a DD who is nearly 2.
I realised yesterday in all the confusion that my period is late, we had been trying so I took a test and it confirmed I am pregnant. I'm in shock at everything. The house is in his name so me and DD have had to move in with my parents with all our stuff.
I really don't know what to do. He knows about the pregnancy but doesn't seem to care. I have family telling me to terminate but I look at my daughter and I feel so sick at the thought of it. Please hold my hand

What an utter piece of shit and a coward! Doesn't want to be a parent but you're lucky he isn't fighting for full custody?!

You definitely need to cancel their plans for Sunday, you and DD both need time to process what he has done. As far as the baby, you're obviously very early on, take a week or two, don't make harsh decisions whilst you're in so much pain. Yes, he may be the father and has an opinion but ultimately this is your decision.

We're here for you OP, don't feel alone xx

I'm so sorry your going through this situation. The choice would completely be down to how you think you would cope with two children, how you coped with your first, whether you feel like your strong enough for another child right now. I know your feeling guilty and worried but please don't, the earlier it is the easier it will be in the long run. Think about what is best for YOU and your child at the moment, do you feel that you could bring another child into the situation, or couldn't? Whatever you decide is the best decision for you, don't ever feel guilty for what is right for you and you child when your going through such a hard time already. I really hope things work out for you, sending all my love to you at this hard time x

I'm trying to think rationally but the hurt is too raw. I can't even think straight. I feel so lost. Our future has been snatched away and I'm struggling with that. Why has he done this? Why couldn't he just leave if he didn't want us rather than be with someone else for months and still be making plans with me? I'll never know.

Op

He won't reply to anything now. Not even about DD. He just doesn't care. I can't drag myself out of bed. Please tell me it gets better?

Firstly - no matter what your family think now, if you decide to continue with the pregnancy, when it is born they will welcome it and love it. If you want this baby you can definitely, absolutely do it. It's shit and horrible because he's gone and he's behaving like a total bastard and this isn't what you planned. But you can definitely do it if it's what you want I promise!

Secondly - see what benefits you're entitled to. Is he employed (rather than self-employed)? He will have to pay for his child / children.

Thirdly - have you got 'not ready for a family' in writing / voicemail. Keep it! He has no chance of getting full residency of your child but it's worth keeping that as evidence anyway.

Finally - yes the OW is putting up with his crap playing 'video games' and making his life 'easy' and telling him how wonderful he is. It's what affair partners do to keep them coming back for more. They don't even know they're doing it nor stop to think about how they're deferring their own needs to satisfy someone else. But once they have their 'prize' they DO stop bending over backwards. They stop being doormats and start to assert themselves and then your partner will quickly get fed up. The fact is 'fun and exciting' always becomes 'ordinary and normal' in the end. The hormones stop racing, the scales fall. One or the other will get fed up. By then you'll have moved on and can just look on from the sidelines, barely caring but quietly smug all the same.

This is very early days. Get ready for a rollercoaster. Don't let him guilt you or rewrite history or blame you. Be kind to yourself. 💐

Sweetheart you need to stop contacting him completely. Total radio silence. Give yourself the space you need, even though it's counter intuitive xx

If hes not 'built' to be a parent then he certainly doesnt need to try and be one on sunday, does he?

I know it's going to sound awful but I really hope his relationship with ow fails. I wouldn't take him back but I want him to feel how I'm feeling. I know it's spiteful but it's how I feel. I know I need to not contact him. It's so easy to when you can text and email. Bloody modern technology. I feel like I've lost everything and he gains so much. He doesn't have to deal with DD being a bit naughty because she's unsettled. She woke up crying for him last night. It broke my heart. Think that's why I'm feeling like this today. Totally on the floor and broken. How do I pick myself up?

I've told him Sunday is off. Haven't had anything back yet. Think I might put my phone on silent and keep it in my bag out of the way for now. He probably won't get back to me.

Good for you op. Each time you want to message him write on here instead

That could be a lot ha. I'm trying to resist it. My mind is working overtime wondering what he's up to with ow and how happy he is. Just had to tell my work. My boss has put emergency holidays in for me all next week. She had a few choice words to describe him too.

Give time time. Things will get better. How far gone are you in the pregnancy?

Post as much as you need to love. One of us will always responded you need company.

Only a few weeks so I have time to think about it. The doctor said anything below 12 weeks is normally just tablets. Anything after that is a bit more difficult for me. She didn't really have much to say. She was just a young doctor. Might go back and see someone else next week.

Oh honey, how hard for you. My ex left after I found out about his affair. Our two children were 6 and 9. I felt like I had been hit with a sledge hammer. But I promise it does get better.
You can phone the Samaritans. You don't have to be suicidal, they just give you a safe space to talk through your feelings.
Please try and contact friends you haven't been in touch with for a while. The support I had was amazing and I made some close friendships because of it - people I hadn't known very well before.
Take time with your decision about the pregnancy. I think if you do go ahead it will work itself out but obviously it is your choice entirely. Keep all his texts/ emails.
My kids didn't meet the OW for a year. This was a decision we made between us. However, my ex felt very guilty so was willing to wait.
They live together now, he sees our kids often. I miss our family life and I am sometimes sad, but after 2.5 years, I have moved on. I have a lovely partner and the kids are happy.
Be kind to yourself and try and eat and drink. It wasn't your choice but take some control over the things you can take control over. It will help xxx

Your boss sounds great. Stop contacting him, as it will only frustrate you more when he doesn't respond. I find the phone out of sight thing doesn't work as you then are constantly wondering if you have a reply. At least if it's with you you know. Have you had a shower yet? Even if you put fresh pyjamas back on after.

I have only read your posts so I'm sorry if I say something that's already been said. My heart goes out to you. I've felt how you are feeling now about my ex, and his relationship did fail and he is a failure too. It does get better it just takes time. PSS is a good organisation to talk to about everything your going through. If you would like to message me or talk on the phone let me know. It's hard because no one can really advise you as the decisions you make must be yours but there are a lot of people on here thinking of you and wanting to support you at this very difficult time. Xxx

I have no one. My mother just said if I keep the baby she won't love it. She wants rid of it. She wants me to leave the house if I do keep it. She does this a lot. She likes to have her own way. I'm so low right now. Why is there no one willing to be on my side? Why is this happening to me? Why me? I can't do it anymore.

i wish so much that I had friends. I'm really not in a good place right now.

Your mother is toxic if she can say that to you at a time like this. I know you need support but I would go to your local authority office right now and declare yourself homeless.

This is your decision and I can't believe your own mother would do something so utterly cruel, selfish and heartless. My own dm can be awful at times, but that's dreadful.

Do you have anyone else around? A sibling, aunt, friend, anyone to go you away from your ex and dm?

She's stormed out the house in a dramatic fashion. I really have no one. I can't deal with this anymore. She's really kicked me when I'm down. I'm so down. So very down.

I am so sorry to hear your troubles. Like, even everyone else has said, it will get better, you will get past the pain, though at the moment you wonder if you can survive a day. Take each day minute by minute, hour by hour.

I am shocked at your mother's comments. Though in a warped way it's probably done out of love. She wants to reduce your burden and connection to this man. Perhaps she has forgotten what it feels like to be carrying a life.

Take your time and do what you want. There are hundreds of hands on here to hold, hundreds of ears to listen to you. Keep posting xxx

I'm completely on my own. I'm going to try the samaritans. I really have no options left and I can't do this. I wish I had someone in real life to talk to.

Yes do phone the samiritans, you need to get some of the burden off your chest and out of your head.

Keep saying to yourself, it hurts but it will get better. You will, I promise you. There are hundreds of us who have been there and gone on to do bigger and better things without these deadbeat holding us back.

You are a kind, sensitive, loving person, you are stronger than you think. You CAN do this xxxxx