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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you have a relationship w someone less intelligent?

167 replies

lizzieoak · 20/06/2017 05:55

If someone ticked many other boxes? Was kind, handsome, good in bed, nice manners?

I sometimes come back to thinking about an old bf who was so lovely, but didn't have quite the knowledge base I do and tends to be a bit gullible. I worry I'd get frustrated or bored?

OP posts:

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/06/2017 05:57

Well, aren't you a treat!

Barbaro · 20/06/2017 05:59

Er no he deserves someone nice. Leave him alone to be with someone who likes him for who he is.

OliveSoap · 20/06/2017 06:02

Not for a second. And he could have a magic penis and a degree in advanced sex skills, but if he was less intelligent, it would be as. Uch of a turn-off as a man who wore socks and a slipping toupee in bed.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/06/2017 06:02

If you go on paper, I am 'smarter' than my DP but he brings a thousand fantastic things to our relationship and I am not with him for his degree.

Nancy91 · 20/06/2017 06:03

Yes. It isn't a problem. I actually think I might be intimidated by a man who was noticeably more intelligent than me. The other good traits you've listed are more important to me. Unless the man is REALLY stupid (as in his IQ is potato).

Original poster

lizzieoak · 20/06/2017 06:06

Well, aren't you two charming?! So you think everyone has the same iq? That a discrepancy wouldn't possibly be a problem? I know if a Mensa member took a fancy to me I'd likely be a bit at a loss to keep up and am not sure that someone brighter than me would be a good fit.

To an extent it's whether you expect your partner to be everything to you. But to me conversation is pretty crucial.

I'm surprised this is not okay to discuss.

OP posts:

BelfastSmile · 20/06/2017 06:09

But surely someone in the relationship has to have the higher IQ?

Original poster

lizzieoak · 20/06/2017 06:12

Thanks others :)
My exh was bright on paper but zero common sense and nasty to boot. So kind is number one for sure. And he is very nice. But if both members are talking past one another wouldn't it be a bit odd? He's not daft - just doesn't process in the way I do.

OP posts:

Original poster

lizzieoak · 20/06/2017 06:14

Belfast, I suppose it's if there's a noticeable discrepancy, or if very different types of intellect. So someone who has a high mathematically oriented iq vs someone w a high emotional iq. That would be tricky.

OP posts:

Charlie97 · 20/06/2017 06:15

Well I suppose it depends on the "gap".

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was a great deal more or less intelligent. I need to able to have a reasonable conversation with someone on a variety of topics.

To be with someone who didn't know or understand a decent amount of my conversation would end up irritating me. I would also not want to be constantly teaching someone "things".

For the PP being so snippy, many times on here we hear of mismatched sex drives and it's "leave".

Why would mismatched "intelligence" not also be a problem.

kateclarke · 20/06/2017 06:18

I think it's a fair question.
I once went out with a lovely man who wasn't that bright. I thought it wouldn't matter but it did. I like to chat about the news, politics and the world in general and he couldn't/wouldn't. When he said that the government must be right because they were clever, I knew it would never work.

MaisyPops · 20/06/2017 06:22

They wouldn't have to be traditionally academically bright, but they'd need to be smart enough to be able to have rational well informed views on a range of issues. I quite like discussing world affairs, politics etc and read widely.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with somebody who was ignorant about many things. (Obviously, nobody knows everything but a curious mind is attractive to me).

You're going to get torn apart though OP by some people on here for daring to suggest you have a preference when dating.

Sense of humours matching up = fine to say
Sense of curiosity / intelligence matching up = you must be some horrible judgey snob

Wallywobbles · 20/06/2017 06:25

It does matter. But maybe less than you think. However if it was a sticking point before it will be in the future.

IMy first H was bright on paper but not half as bright as he thinks. Turned out that his excellent education didn't stop him being an abusive count though.

DH2 took a long time getting his education because financially he couldn't afford it. But he is brighter than H1, brilliant and kind. Brilliant and kind being more important than paper qualifications.

Hothothotsummer · 20/06/2017 06:28

Well one of you has got to be more intelligent than the other. I think it helps if there is not too much of a mismatch.

Interests and topic points for discussing/chatting are more important in a way. Exh was clever academically and very practical but he refused to discuss anything in the news and never voted in his life. It was like he didn't have an opinion. He didn't care about the things that were important to me.

TheNaze73 · 20/06/2017 06:29

I think it's a perfectly reasonable question OP. Not a deal clincher for me but, I totally get where you're coming from

Oddsocksforeveryone · 20/06/2017 06:31

I've been on both sides of this and neither worked out for me. But I think sometimes it's more to do with personality.
One ex was more intelligent and very condescending, but he was a dick in general. My most recent ex THINKS he is a genius and treats everyone else like idiots.
I had a relationship with a kind, loving man, but sometimes he would say things that were so daft I had to recover before I could respond. I remember his brother once commenting that he liked a film we were discussing but it was "hard to get your leg over" he meant get your head around. It's not always snobbery, if there is a big difference it can be difficult to communicate and understand each others point of view.
However I don't think I would avoid entering a relationship just because of it, with my DH we aren't exactly on a level but it's our connection and bond that is important and that is great.

emesis · 20/06/2017 06:31

I am about 10% more intelligent academically than DH, if you go by school leaving grades.

In the real world, he's miles ahead of me because he's got much greater ambition and drive, reads the Economist cover to cover and a lot of economics/IT/development type books, which feed into his career aspirations.

I have a higher EQ, he is a fairly stereotypical guy who doesn't notice things about people and feelings. I don't have much head for numbers and economics at all. We both like the same cultural pursuits. Overall it balances out and we are a good match.

I was with a guy before DH who was anti-intellectual and that was absolutely awful. He would deride anything cerebral or vaguely elite (like an arthouse movie or going to a chamber music concert). I would not have enjoyed being married to him, even though we had fun together and he was very intelligent in certain ways.

Perhaps it's not about IQ but about how comfortably your combination of different intelligences fit together.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/06/2017 06:32

OH my goodness what a twatty OP.

You don't sound too bright yourself!

PollytheDolly · 20/06/2017 06:35

Yes on paper means nothing really. I have degree equivalent qualifications and my DH flunked at school (got in with the wrong crowd) but he is super intelligent. Top of the class at grammar school.

So more intelligent than me but never acknowledges it. If he wasn't, wouldn't bother me (as my level of intellect doesn't him). He is kind, sensitive and very loving and that is much more important.

TisGlorious · 20/06/2017 06:42

IfYouGoDown - Was about to say the same myself . OP, don't worry about the Mensa members, you're not keeping up here much either. Next time you meet a new guy, sit him down to do an IQ test first before taking things any further. God forbid should there be any discrepancy.

TisGlorious · 20/06/2017 06:46

By the way, to those talking about qualifications - Qualifications alone do not indicate you have a higher or lower IQ than someone else. You can have all the qualifications in the world, and still have a lower IQ than your local butcher.

jcsp · 20/06/2017 06:47

I think about 50% of us do however intelligence is measured.

Part of courtship, for want of a better word, is finding out if we, as a couple, are compatible.

I suppose we all have serious no nos - for me smoking. Other things would come out as time goes on?

whatthehell33 · 20/06/2017 06:48

I wouldn't have a relationship with somebody who thought they were cleverer than me op that's for sure.

MaisyPops · 20/06/2017 06:48

tis and Ifyougo
I'm not sure how the OP is being a twat for asking about preferences.

If the OP was "is it a problem that our sense of humour is different and I'm finding it hard to click because of it" nobody would give them a hard time, but mention intelligence and suddenly "well you're a twat".

Many people on this thread have said that they would like their partners to be of similar levels of intelligence BUT they have also also mentioned that intelligence is more than qualifications and IQ.

HotelEuphoria · 20/06/2017 06:49

I kind of get this although I don't think you can define intelligence by qualifications necessarily.

I do think you have to be on a similar level though to be a match or one partner can easily end of taking a more superior stance.

DS for example had a very academically bright GF, after a bit she made him feel inferior as she constantly challenged everything he said and dismissed his opinions as having no validity. He then got a beautuful, funny, kind, sweet GF who was so "unbright" she was hilarious, but that didn't work because he treated her like a child. I genuinely believe he will be happier with a similar match, one to challenge him and share conversation and interests on an equal level. I am not talking about matching Alevels but s broadly similar level.

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