Would you have a relationship w someone less intelligent?

[lizzieoak]

If someone ticked many other boxes? Was kind, handsome, good in bed, nice manners?

I sometimes come back to thinking about an old bf who was so lovely, but didn't have quite the knowledge base I do and tends to be a bit gullible. I worry I'd get frustrated or bored?

I agree with the comment about MENSA membership being a red flag. Also,formal IQ measurement for bragging purposes is another red flag. Secure people don't need to do this.

I think it does matter in the sense that you have to be able to talk as equals and on roughly the same level - if the discrepancy is such that you are constantly misunderstanding each other, it becomes a problem. It's only one factor though.

My DH is definitely of above average intelligence, but had limited schooling in terms of academics and then went into the military, where he was heavily institutionalised. It's left him finding it difficult to read news sources critically with an eye for a political agenda and he finds it difficult to question authority - his instinct is to believe authority must always be right. It's taken almost 20 years so far for him to begin shaking that off - and this is with him wanting to shake it off, that is how hard change is.

And I don't think you can 'demand' someone who is your peer in terms of IQ - you'd be missing so many other good things about a person.

I have a maths degree and an IQ in the top 1%, dh left school at 16 with one Btec in IT. We are chalk and cheese in so many ways but we work.
A connection is far more important

My biggest question is, why doesn't this seem an issue for men?

Because patriarchy has normalised the idea that male power and authority 'buys' access to female youth and beauty, not female power/intelligence/authority. In a different universe, a 'trophy wife' might be a catch because of her two PhDs and a Nobel Prize, but not, currently, in this one.

I don't think it's about intelligence (it's such a difficult thing to determine really) but more shared interests and the ability to have a good conversation.

I'm academically better than my boyfriend, but I wouldn't say he's less intelligent than me.

Fortunately it doesn't seem to bother DP too much

They have to have their head screwed on. I'm not fussy about academic achievement but if I can't have a conversation with someone without pausing every sentence to explain a word or concept, or if THEY have to pause every second to explain a word or concept, nobody is having any fun. I'm not looking for either a mentor or a pupil - I want an equal

DH is Spongebob, I'm more of a Patrick. It works.

I get this...I'm a lecturer..but from very humble beginings..left school with nothing. ..but as others have said personality and humour is important to me. My ex was loving and kind..I though after an abusive marriage that was all I needed....but slowly I realised that there was no conversation...I tried hard. So although a bloke doesn't need certificates I realised for me at least share politics..interests etc were very important...everything else i could work with!

I don't know if I could sustain a long term relationship with someone who I couldn't hold an intelligent conversation with. I need the intellectual stimulation of an intelligent person, the same as I do with my friends. My dh and I are both 'clever' people, in completely different fields, and the fact we can talk is one of my favourite things about our relationship. If we took an iq test he would probably get a higher score than me, but academically I am the higher achiever.

We all have a selection process when we meet our partners, I can't see why people say they wouldn't consider this a relevant character trait along with other things we take into consideration. For me it is far more important than looks, age, status etc.

How bizzare. I actually am a member of Mensa, my iq is in the top two percent of the population. So by definition 98 percent of the population are less intelligent. That includes my husband, my friends and pretty much everyone I know. It makes not one iota of difference. As humans many parts make us whole and intelligence levels are just part of it.

When I was single, many years ago, I dated a few women who weren't that bright and I found that beyond a physical attraction there was little else. I also dated a highly intelligent woman whose intellect was (is) far higher than mine and likewise there wasn't a great deal of common ground.

I think it works best if you are on a par I'm married to a woman who is of a similar level of intelligence albeit a little less well educated.

These threads are always hilarious. OP asks if it matters if a man is less intelligent and gets pages of snippy answers from women whose husbands have little formal education but are demonstrably as intelligent as they are.

So clearly, intelligence is important. How couldn't it be? My DP is less intelligent than me and I find it frustrating at times. His other qualities more than make up for it but in an ideal world, I'd like to be able to have the same conversations with him that I do with my friends.

I'm surprised at the responses OP.

If you can't sit and have a good chat with someone what's the point? The sex will dry up with your genitals one day and when you're sitting in the garden of your Old People's home that's not the time to find out you married an American Idol fan.

These threads are always hilarious. OP asks if it matters if a man is less intelligent and gets pages of snippy answers from women whose husbands have little formal education but are demonstrably as intelligent as they are.

Yes, that^ no one he said "dh is just so lovely that I don't mind listening to him prattle on about Dec moving to the left hand side today"

Makes more sense long term to be matched for me.

Do has no formal qualifications but has a thirst for knowledge. He loves the arts, music, culture, history. I couldn't be with someone I couldn't debate or discuss with.
And he's shorter than me

These threads are always hilarious. OP asks if it matters if a man is less intelligent and gets pages of snippy answers from women whose husbands have little formal education but are demonstrably as intelligent as they are.

Yes. Qualifications don't equal intellect, so it's a null point. I'm more qualified than my DH, but I wouldn't be with him if I couldn't hold a decent conversation with him. He didn't need a degree for what he wanted to do, so he didn't waste the time.

No 1 is marry a happy man, much more important than looks, money or IQ. They can have everything but if they are miserable they will make you miserable too.

Nope- joint with kindness it's my no 1 requisite. I love being with someone more intelligent. Who wouldn't?

Nah. Happiness comes and goes with your circumstances. No matter what happens with DH and I, we'll always be able to have a good conversation based on mutual and individual interests. I'd go with it being tied with kindness and sense of humour for my main requirement.

It's a problem if there is a big difference in intelligence between a couple, it might seem okay at first but over the years it can become a problem in numerous ways.

Not sure about how you're measuring intelligence, however, OP - 'knowledge base' and 'gullibiity'? Some of the most intelligent people I know are also quite gullible. Many of them also know a great deal about a small area of knowledge and very little about anything else - a wide knowledge base isn't a measure of intelligence, it's the result of a particular kind of education/upbringing.

I tend to be more attracted to what you may consider to be intelligent people. For me that is someone who is quick-witted. They also have to have some self-awareness about themselves, not make people feel inadequate and not bore people.

This is a funny thread.
I don't think it really matters.
I am much more intelligent than DP on paper, but I think he is cleverer with regards to real life stuff.