Would you have a relationship w someone less intelligent?

[lizzieoak]

If someone ticked many other boxes? Was kind, handsome, good in bed, nice manners?

I sometimes come back to thinking about an old bf who was so lovely, but didn't have quite the knowledge base I do and tends to be a bit gullible. I worry I'd get frustrated or bored?

Mmm - there is some evolutionary perspective that suggests that there is not a woman on earth who would fully love a man that she considered to be significantly less intelligent.
But if course - there are different types of intelligence (not just qualifications etc) But he would probably have to excel in one or have sufficient intelligence to match hers in more than one aspect.
Unless it were just a one night stand with an accomplished/powerful/wealthy/celebrated/beautiful man - or she was just drunk! Lol

Beingstwatsabimgthimh 😂😂😂😂 love your comment

I think you have to be able to have satisfactory conversations with your partner. I have had DPs where I have felt almost lonely and desperate for some sort of intelligent debate/conversation and something to stretch my mind and thinking. If you live or are married to someone with barely an original thought in their head, it helps to work with brainboxes so you get a fix. I will probably be flamed for this thinking but it's how I see things now and I'm an old giffer!

Very fair question! Would depend on the gap for sure! A little less so is fine. But someone who can't hold a conversation about academic type subjects: history, psychology etc... no use to me at all! I used to have a bf with a fascination with his looks and fast cars, not much else. Nowhere near enough stimulation for me on an intellectual scale! Geeks over good looks!

DH has a lot more general knowledge than I do. There are a lot of subjects he knows far more about than I do. He is also much better at Maths and English.

I am smarter in different ways. I am better at having conversations, I can read people easily, I have my certain subjects I'm more knowledgable about. We complement each other quite well.

I would never call myself intelligent but I have 'people smarts' and I have a lot of knowledge in the area I'm working in and will be starting my degree in (as you would expect) which can lead to some very interesting and deep conversations. I have a thirst for knowledge which is growing as I age and I show an interest in the world around me.

I couldn't be with someone who wasn't clever enough to have a decent conversation with or had no interest in the world around them. My ex husband was very book smart but didn't have any interest in music, books, politics, big news events etc. I did find that a problem at the end.

I know a man who has loads of letters after his name, he is extremely clever and I often feel a bit lost talking to him because I can't keep up. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like him and I have no doubt he would think that I wasn't clever enough for him. The gap would be much too big.

In terms of academics/paper qualifications, being well read and general maths and English skills (mumsnet posting typos etc aside!) I'd say I was probably significantly more 'intelligent' than my long term ex, and possibly slightly more so than current DP - but I don't necessarily think that's a true definition of intelligence anyway.

Ex brought lots of other things to the table and it didn't massively bother me at the time, though we were together from very young and there's an element of 'didn't know any different' there. He would very occasionally get a bit chippy about it, and I think I maybe dumbed it down a lot more than I realised, but we could and did have great conversations and there were still things he knew more about than me.

Current DP very knowledgeable on certain subjects, similar level of education though again I did better 'on paper', I have good general knowledge with some glaring gaps and so does he (better general knowledge overall I'd say, but bigger gaps - popular culture of the last 20 years or so for one) but we can both learn from the other so that's nice. He's interested in things, the world around him, different cultures, new experiences, history etc and that's what I really value, it means we can find things out together. He doesn't read much though, (or not any more). which is a shame as I'd love to talk books with a partner.

Kind, funny, caring, honest, interested - all much more important IMO.

I think you have to be evenly matched. DH and I am and I think it's helped with the longevity of our marriage. I think long term a mismatch of intelligence levels would be frustrating for both parties.

I went on a couple of dates when in my youth. Long time ago now but this very handsome young man could only talk about one subject. His passion for game keeping and shooting. I tried and tried to talk about anything else. Current events, the big upcoming event in the town, his job, my job, anything at all and at every single sentence spoken he would bring it all back around to woodcocks and pheasants and cartridges and green waxed outerwear. It was actually funny by the end of the evening and I was almost looking for the hidden camera. No way can any normal thinking person tolerate that for a lifetime unless they are similarly afflicted interested in the same shizz.

My first husband had a degree and was perfectly intelligent, but was very slow on the uptake and frustratingly lacking in emotional intelligence. It got to me in the end (along with many other things) and we split up.

DP has a brain the size of a planet, but the main attraction is his emotional intelligence. He can size up a situation in a split second and knows exactly what people need before they do. I find it immensely attractive. He also gets most of the questions right on University Challenge

I actually prefer being in a relationship with someone cleverer than me. I'm learning all the time, instead of getting frustrated.

but was very slow on the uptake and frustratingly lacking in emotional intelligence.

Oh yes, I HATE that . A lot of my family never had much formal education, but a huge amount of importance was put on being quick witted and eloquent. I can't stand people who are slow or ponderous.

Mumbod - your DP sounds wonderful.

He is, actually. I can't believe my luck.

No. There'll be more time talking than having sex.

50% of people in relationships do

Someone can have a wonderful mind and not be very traditionally intelligent, and vice versa. I would be far more interested in having a relationship with a curious, kind, funny, positive person than an intelligent person who wasn't any of those things. Having said that, if someone genuinely was quite dim I'd likely struggle to find things to talk about with them and we probably wouldn't be romantically suited.

OP
You're so up your own arse it's unreal

I find intelligence attractive, but more so intellectual curiosity. I dated a guy who was very intelligent and emotionally intelligent but he had little intellectual curiosity. He would just shut down things that didn't interest him, or pronounce an opinion to quell discussion. I was baffled and dismayed, as the lack of curiosity about other people's interests and stimulants really limited what we could discuss.