Would you have a relationship w someone less intelligent?

[lizzieoak]

If someone ticked many other boxes? Was kind, handsome, good in bed, nice manners?

I sometimes come back to thinking about an old bf who was so lovely, but didn't have quite the knowledge base I do and tends to be a bit gullible. I worry I'd get frustrated or bored?

So in other words flamingo... he is intelligent? The op never said degrees.

MsMay
Dec won't be moving to the left of Ant. Because Ant is moving on in to rehab.

Or we can talk about some other tripe? Like Love Island.

Yeah. Someone's dh is thick as sh*t, more stupid than Joey Essex but with the biggest cock you've ever seen ......

my dh is much smarter than me and tbh it's a pain in the arse as he's better than me at every thing - except cleaning cat litter, changing nappies and, um, finding things in cupboards (but that's because I don't follow a proper system of putting away).

I think it only really matters if your OH bores the pants off you. If they don't bore you, why worry?

Oh my - this has got a lot of response while I wasn't sleeping!

Qualifications don't come into it, odd people think it's some sort of educated slam against tradesmen or something. I know plenty of people with degrees who are none too swift and plenty (like my parents) with little education who are very bright.

Very good point granny - a person who is able to be happy should be my starting point.

It depends on how you measure inteligence, surely? For me it would be about being able to converse on the same level about numerous things. I could with my eXH and I can with my DP, although DP's gullibility does sometimes frustrate me although wouldn't be a deal-breaker.

But if it was down to formal qualifications etc then of course that shouldn't make a difference, because formal qualifications do not an earthdweller make iyswim.

But for me, ability to converse would happen very early on and would be a deal-breaker over anything physical. If I couldn't have a conversation with them from the outset then a relationship just wouldn't happen. And with that I would count people who thought that e.g. Big brother or the jeremy kyle show was worth watching on a regular basis.

Intelligence is the main thing that attracts me to a person. I tried to have a relationship with a man who wasn't particularly intelligent and it didn't work out. I found my main issue to be that he didn't read and had only ever finished one novel, so any conversation about any books was off the table, and I like to talk about books a lot. That's a deal breaker for me now.

With my huge IQ I don't have a lot of choice in the matter

Agree with the:
Happy
Kind

Traits being much more important.

Dh is both of those.

unlimiteddilutingjuice YY I have the same problem. I asked Stephen Hawking and Brian Cox out but they both said they were taken

People are incorrectly mistaking intelligence with academic qualifications.

That is not what the OP is referring to and your level of intelligence doesn't necessarily equate to qualifications anyway.

I think that if there is a large gap then it can be a problem for both people. Both can become frustrated or annoyed with the other.

DH and I are a) equivalently educated and b) argue a lot (he'd say debate ) about everything under the sun. I would be fine with a partner without a) but would struggle with lack of b). It's about being able to enjoy each other's company, and I enjoy the company of knowledgeable argumentative sods so there we are!

Intelligence can be measured in different ways, and emotionally I don't feel very intelligent; intellectually I would say I am probably quite intelligent though. I am educated and have a degree, good career and am well read, have an interest in research, current affairs, read widely etc but since a head injury several years ago, I feel very much as though my intelligence has been affected somewhat. (although a neurologist I saw said that I seemed 'very intelligent'as I was discussing some neurological terms in depth, so perhaps it masked any lack of intelligence elsewhere!) :-)

My DH on the other hand doesn't have higher education qualifications, but has had a long career in publishing and is very logical, meticulous and analytical, so in many ways he is a lot more intelligent than I am. My daughter has hopefully inherited the best of both of us as she seems very bright, astute and mature, although today was an example of her acting her age when she had a massive tantrum after a school trip and came home very tired and ratty...! Lol!

I am only attracted to clever men, to be honest. Yes they have to be kind, thoughtful, all the rest, but if they are not intelligent there would be something essential missing in the relationship. DH & have the same level of education and I would say our intelligence is similar. Actually I reckon he edges it, but I'd never admit that to him

I went out with a gorgeous man many years ago but ended it quite quickly because he was, frankly, really quite stupid. I couldn't have a decent conversation with him at all and he couldn't understand simple things that came easily to me. I couldn't be with someone much less intelligent than me, I just couldn't, not even if they were an absolutely lovely person in other ways. Complete deal breaker.

BitOutofPractice

I only like 90's era D.Ream Brian Cox. He's taken and from the past :(

unlimiteddilutingjuice then we shall have to remain in relationships with mere mortals who cannot truly appreciate our magnificence

I would like us both to be in, or around, the same ballpark. I think that any great discrepancy wouldn't be ideal for me.

I'd actually quite like a VERY clever guy; it shouldn't be a problem as I work in an academic department in a Russell Group university but .... a lot of them are just a bit 'Big Bang Theory'

I am only attracted to clever men, to be honest. Yes they have to be kind, thoughtful, all the rest, but if they are not intelligent there would be something essential missing in the relationship. DH & have the same level of education and I would say our intelligence is similar. Actually I reckon he edges it, but I'd never admit that to him grin

I went out with a gorgeous man many years ago but ended it quite quickly because he was, frankly, really quite stupid. I couldn't have a decent conversation with him at all and he couldn't understand simple things that came easily to me. I couldn't be with someone much less intelligent than me, I just couldn't, not even if they were an absolutely lovely person in other ways. Complete deal breaker.

You said it for me

Women usually maintain their husbands/partners are cleverer than them. Even if they don't have paper quals. They also disparage their own cleverness. This is the only thread I ever read where people sometimes said they were equal!

It's definitely important to me. Some discrepancy is fine, but I need someone who will make me think, but not in a, "OMG, how have you got so far through life without knowing that?" sort of way. I want to learn new things, and have someone who can share my curiosity about the world and how things work.

It's not the only thing which is important, kindness, practicality, looks, chemistry, they're all important too - it's the whole combination.

Women usually maintain their husbands/partners are cleverer than them.

Really?! I don't think I know any women who would say that.

my dh is much smarter than me

DH & have the same level of education and I would say our intelligence is similar. Actually I reckon he edges it, but I'd never admit that to him

so in many ways he is a lot more intelligent than I am

I can't be bothered to go through the whole thread, but very rarely do women say they are the cleverer ones full stop. Mostly they say equal or husband cleverer/more intelligent even when the woman is the one who has better quals.

MorrisZap is the exception here in admitting the frustration. I think intellectual incompatibility does bother some women, especially quite intellectual ones as for many people, the main way of getting close to someone is through conversation.

The more highly educated a woman is, the less likely they are to be married or have children. Make of that what you will (is it men not liking smart women, or women deciding that the deal doesn't look so good if you have a lot of social status/money/career).

No OP, I couldn't. Intelligence is one of those things I find most attractive and I'm not talking about qualifications either.

To me it's about wanting to know more about the world and finding out, the ability to reason, debate, be open minded, learn, adapt and empathise.

On paper, DH has a higher IQ than me but I have far more emotional intelligence. I am also more ambitious and successful do it balances out.

I couldn't be on a relationship where we couldn't hold a good conversation about the things that are important to both of us.

Sorry for typos!

Lizzie I totally understand your view. I think those calling you a snob/thick whatever, are lucky never to have found this a problem. Oh, and they depth and honesty.

Having a mismatched level of intelligence may not be an issue but I have found that a mismatched education very much is. One bf was massively hung up on it - he had left without any qualifications. I have a masters. He did not understand it value education. I am glad we never had kids. There was far more wrong with the relationship though. That was not what made it break down.

Another long term partner was not at my level educationally or of intelligence. However the problem was that they had very rigid thinking. They were black and white and could not understand differing points of view or my thought processes. It became more and more frustrating until our differences caused so much resentment and problems in communicating (over years) that we split.

I would never have another relationship with someone so mismatched in education and understanding. Or with someone who had a massive chip on their shoulder about being called stupid by their parents. Constant reassurance did nothing. When someone is in their middle age they should be able to deal with their childhood issues. Not make them someone else's.

I once had a crap relationship with someone who, though he probably didn't have the highest IQ, more has a problem with perception. He wasnt emotionally intelligent, couldn't see the connection between things, was pointlessly defensive and came up with rubbish, knee-jerk arguments to get himself out of tight corners.
It was never going to last.