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Original poster

Would you have a relationship w someone less intelligent?

167 replies

lizzieoak · 20/06/2017 05:55

If someone ticked many other boxes? Was kind, handsome, good in bed, nice manners?

I sometimes come back to thinking about an old bf who was so lovely, but didn't have quite the knowledge base I do and tends to be a bit gullible. I worry I'd get frustrated or bored?

OP posts:
Ahmezia · 20/06/2017 06:49

Depends what you actually mean by intelligent though and how you you measure it. If you only think having g a degree or other paper qualifications is a sign of intelligence then you're totally missing out. My measure of intelligence is someone who's curious about the world, who wants to find out more who has ideas and a motivation to find out.

Joey Essex type stupidity is a massive turn off.

BitchQueen90 · 20/06/2017 06:53

I would. I don't think academic intelligence is everything, I myself don't have any education higher than GCSE level.

What is unattractive though is ignorance. If someone didn't know who was PM for example or wasn't willing to be open minded about the world I wouldn't be attracted to them.

MaisyPops · 20/06/2017 06:55

Joey Essex type stupidity is a massive turn off.
This ^^
I don't care if it makes me awful. I have zero interest in that kind of thing.

Equally when I was on holiday one year there was a lad in his early 20s enlightening us all about his vast knowledge of politics. (Problem being 90% of the 'facts' weren't true but he'd talk about all these amazing websites) Nobody had asked for it, but he honestly couldn't see how ridiculous he looked. He thought he was well informed but really wasn't even close.

I don't like that kind of thing either.

FurryDogMother · 20/06/2017 06:56

I find intelligence the most attractive thing in a partner - not education or qualifications, just the ability to learn, quantify, imagine, analyse, converse, discuss etc. etc. My DH and I have very different levels of education, but I think we're on a level intelligence-wise. Having said that, we can both be monumentally stupid at times!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/06/2017 06:57

No I couldn't quite frankly. You aren't going to get an exact match, but similar standard of brain power I'd say is crucial.

DH and i got the same A level results all those years ago (yes!!), but he is undoubtedly mich brighter than I am. I find it attractive.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/06/2017 06:57

MaisyPops I made my very valid comment as the OP and many of the posters commenting doesn't appear to know what "intelligence" means.

OP "I sometimes come back to thinking about an old bf who was so lovely, but didn't have quite the knowledge base I do and tends to be a bit gullible. I worry I'd get frustrated or bored?"

What she is describing is not "intelligence".

Sconesnotscones · 20/06/2017 06:58

but didn't have quite the knowledge base I do and tends to be a bit gullible.
That doesn't necessarily mean that he's less intelligent than you, just that he's less well read or doesn't have the same level of education. Gullibility has nothing whatsoever to do with either intelligence or education.

You may have a diamond in the rough. You could be Pygmalion to his Galatea (I know, sexes are reversed, but still...).

PhilODox · 20/06/2017 06:59

Unfortunately, I have to Wink

What's worse then being married to someone who think they know everything?
Being married to someone who does.

Pickerel · 20/06/2017 07:02

I would really struggle to date a man who had little interest in "intellectual" subjects. For example, I enjoy discussing the book I'm reading, politics, economics and so on with DH. Not all the time of course - I like a good gossip or chat about nothing in particular as much as the next person - but I would hate to feel I could never have a more "serious" kind of conversation with my partner.

As others have said, it's just one aspect of an overall "are we compatible?" question.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 20/06/2017 07:03

My friend was married to a hyper intelligent dual qualified professional who is an absolute arsehole. I'm sure if she had her time again she'd be more satisfied in a prior relationship with a lovely man in a more pedestrian job. Be careful what you wish for.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/06/2017 07:04

Some of these replays are Grin

You are not describing "intelligence" in any shape or form!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/06/2017 07:04

*replies

dudsville · 20/06/2017 07:05

A lot of people in my family have married people in a lower iq bracket. When I was young I consciously avoided it and chose people who were similar. Now that I'm older I wouldn't mind, but as it is I'm with my oh and we're v similar but our strengths and weaknesses are different so it balances us out.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/06/2017 07:07

As has been said, it would depend on the gap. I had a boyfriend once who hadn't much in the way of school learning, but was still pretty knowledgeable in other ways. It got a bit difficult to have some types of conversation, because he didn't have any background knowledge in some areas; but in other ways it was fine. Not sure it could have evolved into a long-term relationship though - I think I would have got frustrated eventually.

DH doesn't have anything like the same level of education that I do, but he is still pretty smart, follows the news etc. and is both widely travelled and quite worldly, so we don't have much issue. He also learns fast. But we have other things in common - our interests, our hobbies, our sense of humour (mostly) - so matched intellectual levels isn't such a problem.

BigYellowJumper · 20/06/2017 07:09

Not sure why some people are getting snippy. Isn't it just a fact that some people are more intelligent?

I 'know' more stuff than my partner, and probably better at being analytical, but he has a way higher IQ and is far harder working. More emotionally intelligent than me too.

It works for us.

QuitMoaning · 20/06/2017 07:10

How is intelligence defined?

I am more academic, and better educated, than my partner but he is so much better at common sense items. He makes me want to be a better person.

I explain it by saying that if we came to a hill, I would be able to come up with very clever ways to get over this hill. He would simply walk around it. We both bring things to the relationship.
His complete inability to spell sometimes winds me up, but small price to pay for the incredibly kind, generous, fun person he is.

SleightOfHand · 20/06/2017 07:13

and still have a lower IQ than your local butcher. Yes, because local butchers have low IQ Hmm

beepbeepimasheep · 20/06/2017 07:15

It depends. A person could have degrees coming out of their ears but lack any interest whatsoever in current affairs and be generally quite ignorant. Another person could have left school with no qualifications but have taken an interest in the world around them, have a good general knowledge and interest in current affairs.

You can't choose a relationship based on your perception of their lack of intelligence or otherwise.

As for your ex-bf, well he's your ex-bf for a reason isn't it, so I'm assuming that the relationship didn't work for whatever reason.

GetAHaircutCarl · 20/06/2017 07:18

Personally, I would find it difficult to be in a long term relationship with someone who wasn't intelligent. Short term fantastic sex is quite another thing though!

Would it matter if they weren't educated in a formal sense? I dont know. You'd think not. But then the fact that DH and I are educated to a similar level is helpful. We have a shared experience. A shared value. It's been very conducive during my teens' last few years in school.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 20/06/2017 07:18

The op hasn't once mentioned academic, on paper or qualifications.
I think posters who jump instantly to that are showing a distinct lack of ...erm...Grin

Some people can op. I couldn't. It got to me in the end.

JessicaEccles · 20/06/2017 07:19

I know exactly where the OP is coming from. One of my exes had many lovely qualities but he would watch crappy conspiracy YouTube videos and believe every word. He thought fossils were"planted' as a plot by scientists , that the moon was just the other side of the Sun- I felt awful for being continually snippy and contradicting him.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 20/06/2017 07:19

I've always found intelligence attractive and except once, have dated men who are brighter than me - it matters to me. I have a thing for geeks. Smile

DH isn't actually that much brighter than me, but his brain is just that bit quicker. Think works well for me, I don't feel like the stupid one but he's wonderfully clever.

I could never date someone who couldn't get any of the answers right while watching University Challenge or Only Connect, however cute he was.

MargaretCabbage · 20/06/2017 07:20

I don't think it's a twatty question. It makes a difference for me, I'd like someone on the same level. I think I have quite average intelligence so it's not a lot to ask.

It's not about academic qualifications or amazing knowledge of politics or anything like that, but I know people with zero critical thinking skills who have shared Onion articles in horror, totally believing them. I couldn't fancy someone who did that!

On the other hand, I've also known people who have believed themselves to be more intelligent than me and that was an unattractive quality too.

TisGlorious · 20/06/2017 07:21

and still have a lower IQ than your local butcher. Yes, because local butchers have low IQ.

No, my point is just because someone is a 'Butcher' does not mean they have a low IQ (but I can see how that was misread from how it was worded). Some posters have implied if you have lots of qualifications then you must be more intelligent than a person who does not. There are many who are illiterate or semi-illiterate but extremely intelligent vice versa.

revolution909 · 20/06/2017 07:21

I couldn't they have to be as intelligent as me (or close to) and they have to aknowledge I'm a smart lady