Men who are not getting enough satisfying sex

[PacificDogwod]

What happens to them?!
Do they explode or something??

WTAF gives them the right to pressurise their partners for sex or humiliate them or 'threaten' to go elsewhere??

What happens to women who are not getting enough satisfying sex?
Just suck it up as long as you are satisfying yer man?

There are FAR too many threads about this 'problem' currently and I am putting my stance on this in this one to save me repeating myself: Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I totally get that there can be a mismatch in sexual desire in a couple and that IS a problem, but how it should be addressed is surely not by abuse and humiliation and pressure??

For the record: NOTHING happens to men who are not ejaculating as often as they might think they'd like. And anyway, surely that's what the shower or an old sock is for?!

Guys, up yer game.

Women, get angry

If a woman feels pressured to have sex in a relationship, then she should end it.

There's little point in complaining when you're unhappy and tolerating abuse as a result.

I think the same way one spouse decides to remain in such a relationship, is the same way the other spouse may decide to seek extra marital sex.

This applies to either sex and isn't specific to men wanting more intimacy.

The bottom line is... That a relationship will be unsuccessful if one person's needs aren't being met.

Dismissing it by saying have a shower or your testicles won't drop off, is really not going to help in any way shape or form.

I think it's also fair to say, that had the spouse who is not keen on intimacy, displayed this early on in the relationship, then it's highly unlikely it would have progressed to where it is.

Too many people display a different side of themselves in order to secure a relationship and they really can't sustain that false persona.

If your partner is 'bothering' you for sex, then it's probably time to go your seperate ways, as nobody should have celibacy forced upon them.

We all have freedom of choice, but all too often, the non working wife or low income wife can't leave for financial reasons.

Please don't throw words like rapey around that is just not acceptable.

Women also leave unsatisfying relationships or do you just read selective MN threads?

And it's MN posters with a negative view of sex who described it as servicing.

Nobody's complaining about people leaving sexually unsatisfying relationships. That's perfectly OK. What's not OK is hassling your partner for sex when they don't want it, implying they owe you sex regardless of their own wishes and generally behaving as if you had any right whatsoever to make decisions about what happens to their body.

@SandyY2K 'a different side' or maybe a side without small children, a house to work in, a job, aging, hormone changes, body changes? Expecting someone to want as much sex and the same kind of sex the whole way through their life is unrealistic.

I know a couple who all our male friends spoke of with awe. They had been together since college and had sex every day. All DH's male friends thought this was great! Good for them. Then her youngest child (of three) got some health issues, and she had some health issues as well. They ended up divorced because he just couldn't see that his 'needs' weren't as important EVERY SINGLE DAY as hers and their child's.

Of course there's ebb and flow and people have to reconnect and talk openly and work things through. That's not the same as these awful threads on here where men feel entitled and women feel obliged.

I have never ever come across a woman who has said that the sex is amazing but she doesn't want it.
I do however know many women who had crap sex with a partner and grew to despise it.
Luckily most of them are in new relationships where the sex is much better and guess what? They do it on a very regular basis.
I don't think a lot of men want to hear the reality.
If you are at the stage where you expect your partner to just do as a favour, then to me the relationship is dead.
Doing something you don't enjoy but find necessary is something like cleaning up your child's vomit.
Surely you don't put sex in the same category.
It should be mind blowing for both parties.
I'm beginning to feel like a broken record now.

@MrsTerryPratchett

It does depend on extent of the mismatch really. Of course I understand that things change with age, children, jobs, health... But sometimes changes happen way before any of these become an issue.

I've heard from both men and women, who say within a year of marriage, the sex had plummeted.

I've just commented on another thread, where the OP is ill.
The sexual desires from her husband are ridiculous and divorce would be my next step in that situation.

It's really differentiating normal, from crazy.

I see situations where the couple haven't had sex in years, then the wife is surprised when he leaves for an OW or when an affair is discovered.
One woman actually said, well yes....it's been a good few years, but "I was waiting till the kids left home to get back on track"

Pure and utter nonsense. I was in disbelief hearing it.

One thing I've learnt, is that you can't know how the lack of intimacy affects another individual, because your aren't them. You can't compare them with other men or women, because we're all different.

I must stress, that I'm talking about relationships that are not affected by illness or other relevant factors. In these cases communication is very important between the couple.

If your husband is threatening an affair while you're going through the menopause... For example... Then I'd question why one would want to be with such an inconsiderate man a moment longer.

It's about seeking solutions jointly. Not suggesting an open relationship.

If women feels it's a duty then "he" is not showing interest in them.

Women need men to be nice to them to fuck and men need to fuck to be nice. Translated from a french saying.
There is no compromise though.

Men have to make nice first then fuck second.

I do not like to man bash but in my own small (ish) survey of male lovers only one of them has ever made me orgasm more than once. I'm with him now obviously

The main issue with each and every single one of them was what i call sex blindness. They ceased to care about absolutely anything except how it felt to them once it began. They might give some token foreplay now and then but never listened to what i really liked, never really put much effort in at all. All the sex was around what they wanted. So I went off it. IS THIS A SURPRISE?

My BF without any question ever goes out of his way to find out exactly what I like and he will do it for as long as it takes until it happens.

If you do not bother to really know which bits women like touched, and I mean really touch, which angle - the lot then it's bad sex. And women will not want to keep repeating the same thing over and over with the same dull results.

Either men are scared of vaginas or they just need them for their own pleasing and us women attached to them don't really matter

My STBXH did not like it one bit when I turned him down for sex and told him he'd made me wary of him due to his shit treatment of me over the years, and told him a few examples. He stormed off to the pub.
He posted a thing on Facebook about 'what happens to your body when you stop having sex'. Very covert message about the state of our marriage 🙄 - great move! And I suppose that was publicly shaming me - his mother commented, ffs.

IME men that have pestered me for sex have also been selfish in other ways too - not helping with shopping,kids , general household chores , glued to football on the TVs, insisting on going down the pub with mates even if we've been invited somewhere else as a couple.

I've felt resentment because of these things and the pestering for sex makes me resent them even more.

If there's been a conversation about it , they have made a token effort by putting the bins out and then pestered for sex again . If I've said no they've been all indignant and sulked even more because not only have they put the bins out , they still haven't had any sex .

It's funny all women saying the same things

Stop pressurising and sulking
Help out more
Give orgasms

So why do a lot of men not want to believe this is the answer? When all the women say it is?

Wow, totally bemused by the aggressive lawn mowing and car washing. It's not lack of sex that makes you behave like that, it's your choice. Why, when it comes to sexual frustration, do men think it's ok to absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions.

And the same poster is basically saying it's his wife's fault - referring to how it's ok if she isn't around but when she is I get so horny because i love her so much. You love her so much that you behave like a petulant teenager when you get told no?!

It's about handling your emotions maturely and if you aren't doing that then it's on you, no excuse for slamming stuff around!

All the sex was around what they wanted. So I went off it
depressingly familiar, surely men would get a bit fed up if the female partner jumped on and rode him for a few minutes, achieved orgasm and then put an end to proceedings when he was only starting to feel warmed up.
Then said 'sorry I just couldn't help it, I havent had it for a while

People have tried to derail this thread but op first post is absolutely correct. And well worth saying.

That theory from pp about men needing sex to make a connection. And women needing a connection to have sex totally rings true to me; pp put it much better.

I didn't throw the word around.
To withhold anything in a relationship knowing your partner likes it is just plain destructive.

Do you realise how rapey that sounds? Do you even see it? That's what teen boys say to their girls friends to make them fuck them. It's what abusive men say to get anal sex.

I said it sounded rapey, it does. And I explained why it sounded that way. Did it occur to you listen and think why? Please don't tell women that not giving you what you 'like' is destructive. That's how sexual coercion works.

That theory from pp about men needing sex to make a connection. And women needing a connection to have sex totally rings true to me; pp put it much better.

That's not been my experience. I think women have mostly had to have a connection to justify sex that they wanted due to taboos around women's sexuality

I agree it sounds like coercing somrone to have sex they don't want

Which is: rape

That's not been my experience. I think women have mostly had to have a connection to justify sex that they wanted due to taboos around women's sexuality

So true.

But also resentment if you've been washing their dirty pants and plates while they're sitting on their arses watching YouTube doesn't exactly put you in the mood for sex.

My BF without any question ever goes out of his way to find out exactly what I like and he will do it for as long as it takes until it happens.

Ha! XH went out of his way to find what I like, and then made a point of not doing it again, ever. Well, sometimes after we'd had a major row which he'd manufactured out of nowhere he'd make up for it by dredging up some effective techniques, and I'd think great, he gets it, we're bonded again. He managed to pull this trick for 25 years. And I fell for it for about 22 of them. So which one of us was the idiot?

"That's not been my experience. I think women have mostly had to have a connection to justify sex that they wanted due to taboos around women's sexuality"

I disagree! And I think it's basic female physiology if you're with a man who's good company and lovely to you all day then you feel yourself wanting to have sex (whether you do or not).

Another thing that gets mentioned often but doesn't change is terminology. A woman who enjoys sex is a nympho and if she doesn't she's frigid. Both carry negative connotations, neither are used for men

Yes I think a lot of men see it as a right and think they can be very unpleasant and still get it. That was my experience, anyway.

The main issue with each and every single one of them was what i call sex blindness. They ceased to care about absolutely anything except how it felt to them once it began. They might give some token foreplay now and then but never listened to what i really liked, never really put much effort in at all. All the sex was around what they wanted. So I went off it.

So is part of the issue that women are not actually communicating what they want and expect? I think I'd give a man one chance to start being less selfish in bed, then walk on.

I don't like this thread tbh.
It's stereotyping men. Yes, stereotypes exist , but they are not all encompassing.

It's not that the men are selfish about sex, it's that they are selfish men per se.

Kind, loving men do not behave in this way.

They do exist.

It's only since I've been single that I've realised my 'relationship' was mainly a continuous stream of sexual harassment and intimidation.