Men who are not getting enough satisfying sex

[PacificDogwod]

What happens to them?!
Do they explode or something??

WTAF gives them the right to pressurise their partners for sex or humiliate them or 'threaten' to go elsewhere??

What happens to women who are not getting enough satisfying sex?
Just suck it up as long as you are satisfying yer man?

There are FAR too many threads about this 'problem' currently and I am putting my stance on this in this one to save me repeating myself: Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I totally get that there can be a mismatch in sexual desire in a couple and that IS a problem, but how it should be addressed is surely not by abuse and humiliation and pressure??

For the record: NOTHING happens to men who are not ejaculating as often as they might think they'd like. And anyway, surely that's what the shower or an old sock is for?!

Guys, up yer game.

Women, get angry

Also research the difference between an opinion and a fact.

Yes I think you hold breathtakingly sexist views and for that I can only wish for you that you take a moment to have a rethink about this opinion of yours and maybe educate yourself a bit. Women can be sexist and sexism needs addressing

PookieDo & Catagory - thank you for your thoughts.

JUst one point :

is thread is actually more about condemning domestic abuse and domestic violence by men on women in circumstances where the men feel they aren't getting enough sex - then of course it's totally abhorrent- but it's then quite extreme scenario

It isn't extreme, I'm afraid to say. It is very, very common. I think that as a person who isn't violent it's easy to think that everyone is like you. That is in some ways to your credit. You're obvious a chap who wouldn't dream of doing that and that's good.
But it is horribly common, on a spectrum that starts with sulking, goes through coercion and emotional abuse and ends up in violence. There is, as another poster pointed out, a woman on a thread on here letting a man choke her during sex 'because that's the only way he can maintain an erection.' As if that's a justification. And the person above saying that he gets grumpy and slings the mower around - sounds trivial but actually, it's a milder manifestation of sulking until you get your way. There are heartbreaking stories on here regularly of women being pressed, coerced or outright forced into sex they don't want. It's awful. And it's common. Really common. I think there's a tendency to think of domestic violence as 'drunk bloke beating woman after the football.' And yes, that's a huge problem (just look at the police data after Old Firm matches) but sexual coercion, emotional abuse etc is a huge part of it as well.

Rant not directed at you, dadist just wanted to make he point that this is common and it's easy not to see if it's not part of your own life.

This whole thread has been really interesting. Mildly depressing too.

"Perhaps the issue is that - not least on MN - the answer as to why is that for some reason or other DW is saying - in effect - 'you are not good enough for me to consider continuing an intimate relationship.'"

Nope, that is not the issue. In the days when I was working full-time with three young children and DH was self-employed so out of the house all hours (and crap at household shitwork when he wasn't), I felt exhausted, resentful and utterly libido-less. If DH had said 'Oh, so I'm not good enough to consider continuing an intimate relationship then?' I'd have felt like decking him TBH. How fucking PA can you get? Sex had become another chore amongst all my other chores and the solution to that situation was IN HIS HANDS. I loved him, I wanted to be a wife and a lover to him but I had no room or energy left to be anything more than a mother, a housekeeper and a breadwinner. It really isn't that complex.

^ this. In a nutshell.

But Irian, that man wasn't good enough for you, by the sounds of that (very familiar) situation. You would never have expressed it, even to yourself, that way, because it is unconstructive. But your body knew.

sometimes, things just aren't good enough. Situations can be not good enough. The way you are being treated can be not good enough. men can be not good enough.

Our problem as women is that we are socialised to manage with the substandard and assume responsibility for everything that isn't right. This leads to twisted thinking, cognitive dissonance, lack of emotional authenticity in relationships, various forms of depression.... thinking about my failed relationship in terms of HE WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH is a massive relief, actually

I know that position is being painted on here as my fault - that by not sleeping with someone I was implying he wasn't good enough, which was mean, so it was my fault - but I'm taking this idea and running with it - in the opposite direction. it was HIS fault he wasn't good enough, because he didn't give a shit about trying to be a decent person or partner to me.

And "having the integrity to speak up" about issues.FFS. where the hell has "integrity" got any woman who finds herself living with a man who has decided to do bugger all? and is supported by society to do so?

Yup. All of that with a frikkin cherry on top. Sometimes people are not good enough for us, and we cease to be able to respond in a sexual way to them. Sometimes a relationship is not good enough for sex to survive, and it needs putting out of its misery.
If someone you are supposed to be intimate with doesn't want you fuck you there's a reason.
Whether it's that you never clean, or he's secretly gay, it's almost never just tiredness or hormones, how ever much we might tell ourselves it is.

Sex outside marriage is as old as time itself

Yanbu op. I agree with a pp, education needs to be started early. The first thing inbalanced I learned from sex ed was males masturbated. No mention of females and when someone asked it was classed as disgusting and wrong .

I was the higher sex drive one, it used to frustrate me so I talked with dh. Sex always increases intimacy for me. So we did other tactile things, cuddles and kisses etc, which we both wanted and I used the rabbit.

Now dh shows me the same knowing that sex doesn't do as much for me anymore. It's ok and helps me feel closer but no orgasm. For a while dh was put off knowing that but we talked and are both on board now. Unfortunately a bad tear in my clit area came during my baby's birth and even my rabbit doesn't bring orgasms.

People should communicate. Any blackmail coercion sulking silent treatment etc and you are a shit. Sadly abusive people won't give a shit because they are selfish and out of order.

MrsTerryPratchett

Well, how is stopping sex to end abusive relationships better advice than leaving?

This is the problem. You can say whatever you like but people are basically arguing that in crummy relationships, stopping sex is some grand feminist solution. It's not. And passively turning off sex in a normal relationship rather than actually addressing the inequality is not some powerful act, it's just another passive female move. Why not just burn his dinner if you're going to take all your relationships cues from the 1950s? Or throw a glass of brandy in his face when he's home late from work?

I think some men would be astounded at the amount of sex their exes are having with new, better partners. I know a few women whose exes think they are 'frigid' when they were just tired, miserable and unsatisfied.

Again, women's responsive sexual desire. It's so sad that some women think they are enlightened when their sexual desire is completely dependent on the person standing next to them.

Toomanyhouseguests
I'm I the only person reading this who wonders if blokes take the advice to leave relationships with their low libido partners , will they manage to find replacements who will maintain permanently high libidos?

There are plenty of high libido women with low libido partners who would be happy to date them. But I guess you have to believe they don't exist so that you can convince yourself that housework dependent libido is the only female sex drive there is.

people are basically arguing that in crummy relationships, stopping sex is some grand feminist solution.

What are you saying here? That a woman should keep having sex she doesn't want? Why? Why should she? How could you possibly enjoy having sex knowing that the other person doesn't want to do it? Sex when one person says no - now what do we call that? Oh yes. Rape.

You started your responses sounding a bit ignorant but now youve kind of morphed into a bit scary. You're saying that a woman should carry on having sex she doesn't want

There are I'm sure plenty of high libido women with low libido partners. Go out and find one. Have some consensual sex. Because right now you're sulking over 'sex stopping' like it's something you're entitled to. You are NOT entitled to sex.

There is no inequality in a normal fucking relationship.

Rolo, you may think your posts are shedding light on another perspective but I'm afraid they continue to come across as bitter and revengeful.

I can honestly say that considering all the posts I have read on MN from men (and there have been many over the years) I don't think any of them have gotten it quite as wrong as you have here.

Keep on clinging onto your chores = sex bollocks but anyone who reads this thread will see that you are making a fool of yourself for bringing it up so much.

Well put OP, my husband is now gone because of this and good bloody riddance. I had almost 20 years of this shit behaviour and I'm glad to be living alone now. If I want I may have a boyfriend but no man is ever living in my house again.
It's exhausting and drains every aspect of enjoyment out of your life.

Interesting.
I wonder if those with ill matched libidos were ill matched from the start or has something happened to change this.
Perhaps they were ill matched at the beginning but people are blinded into sticking together and forming a couple.
Personally from what friends have told me, it is likely that person A began to dislike sex with person B. However after meeting person C , A is now fully turned on again and very much into regular sex.
All As have been female btw. This begs the question are women programmed to find sex with different partners more appealing?
It is a fact that a woman is more likely to get pregnant if several has sex with different partners rather than the same amount of sex with the same man.
I believe ' society' doesn't want to hear this preferring to tote the myth that women aren't that really into sex.

Again, women's responsive sexual desire. It's so sad that some women think they are enlightened when their sexual desire is completely dependent on the person standing next to them.

Well I don't think it is unenlightened - I would feel much hornier stood next to my husband than I would some random stranger or actually anyone that wasn't my husband. Not through any conditioning as you seem to believe but because I sexually desire my husband!

It's so sad that some women think they are enlightened when their sexual desire is completely dependent on the person standing next to them.

It's a ludicrous statement. Sorry to break it to you rolopolovolo but even men can have standards when it comes to who they want to have sex with.

See this is a thing for me that I have to be able to trust the person I am having sex with and feel 100% comfortable, relaxed etc to have an orgasm.
I can and have had sex with other people like a FWB or ONS that don't meet any of this criteria, and it's been fun but not something I want to do repeatedly. It didn't mean I wasn't turned on but it wasn't as satisfying.
There are plenty of men and women whose bodies/minds work very differently and they do not need this deep emotional connection to orgasm or have good sex but I suspect they are not a majority. Most women and men too I think prefer to have that deep intimacy for really fulfilling sex and that is why they are so sad when they are not getting that with their partner because they know how good it feels.

Yes I think if people were really honest they knew their sex life wasn't the whole deal from the beginning but all the other elements were more important at the time and people always hope things will improve, this is sometimes wishful thinking and not rational thinking

Yes, women are programmed to have sex with more than one man. A study done a few years ago accidentally found that a rather larger proportion of people than expected do not have the bio dad they thought they had...this promoted more study, and what was concluded was that women will seek the best bio father for their child, and they will seek a good partner, but that those don't always match up. ( the best sperm isn't always from the best partner).
They always found that men either large testicles are more likely to cheat!
People in general are not naturally monogamous for life, it's a conscious choice.
And yeah, rolo, you sound unhinged man.
Nobody is " stopping sex" like some kind of punishment. It's possible to be turned off a person due to the way they act!

In 1920, do you think that 'Maureen' was knocking off her best mates husband? No. Never. It would have been shameful and disgraceful to even have sex outside of a marriage most likely. Just popped on to say hahahahaha to that.

If you ever want a fun few hours, research how many babies were born either to unmarried mothers or to mothers married to someone else during the war years. Including two I know of who live within a few houses of each other, both to soldiers from the same country. It's eye-opening.

Every generation believes it invented sex. Our grannies were shagging like rabbits. There was more shame and the consequences were often worse but they were doing it nonetheless.

My ex always used to complain he wasn't getting enough sex, but if he's going to be a 2 min shag with no foreplay and premature ejaculation then there wasn't much in it for me!!