Men who are not getting enough satisfying sex

[PacificDogwod]

What happens to them?!
Do they explode or something??

WTAF gives them the right to pressurise their partners for sex or humiliate them or 'threaten' to go elsewhere??

What happens to women who are not getting enough satisfying sex?
Just suck it up as long as you are satisfying yer man?

There are FAR too many threads about this 'problem' currently and I am putting my stance on this in this one to save me repeating myself: Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I totally get that there can be a mismatch in sexual desire in a couple and that IS a problem, but how it should be addressed is surely not by abuse and humiliation and pressure??

For the record: NOTHING happens to men who are not ejaculating as often as they might think they'd like. And anyway, surely that's what the shower or an old sock is for?!

Guys, up yer game.

Women, get angry

I will NEVER EVER understand, why anybody stays in a long term relationship, with a person that they don't fancy and want to have sex with, on a very regular basis. I mean why? Just fucking leave them. All this angst about sex and "penetration" (like that's a dirty word). All this hand wringing. Just LEAVE.

I have been with my DH for almost 10 years. To me, he is still the sexiest man I've ever laid eyes on. I could happily have sex with him every single day (we don't as work/life gets in the way). It's lovely. It's good. It's easy. I can't imagine him snogging me, and me thinking Uugh.

So sad for some folk, I really am.

What a depressing thread, for all the wrong reasons. So sorry most have been treated so badly.

Of course kind & loving men exist and I'm sure a lot of mn posters are married to such men.

I don't think the problem is necessarily a man thing but more a society one. Women still have further to come than a lot realise in terms of equality. Sex is just one part of that where women's needs and desires are considered less than men's and yes, women are as much responsible for that mindset (quite often without even realising it)

"Just leave"

Because it's that easy.

I don't think it is a societal thing.

It comes down to two people communicating their wishes to each other.

Blaming 'society' is, in a way, not taking responsibility for your own behaviour and raising your expectations of what you deserve.

Some men will always exhibit 'laddish' behaviour but women do not have to tolerate it in a 1:1 relationship.

The days of women having to lie back and think of England are gone.

These days when it's much easier to experiment sexually and have partners before marrying anyone, there is no reason to end up with anyone who is selfish, in or out of bed.

What IS perhaps wrong is not double standards around sex, but women not pursuing education so they can support themselves. they end up in dead end, minimum wage jobs, where they are dependent on men to support them, so they put up with crap relationships.

AF you tell women all the time to leave relationships. Bizarre.

Yeah, and I am trying to stop

How on earth can you know that women don't tell men what they like? I know what I like. But a lot of men don't like oral sex on women and a lot of men don't want to 'go really slow' - they want fast hard sex to come. I don't. So I left all my relationships where I didn't get any sexual understanding about what I like - I'm not with any of them NOW am I? But it's depressingly common. It's ok to not like blow jobs or any oral but it's not ok to pressure your partner into bad sex that they don't derive any pleasure from

Thinking back to a previous partner it was always obvious from my response what I liked, but it's too easy for the man to take over and race towards his own orgasm, and then we're both done
Well he is, I'm like Wtf, why do I even bother 🤔

The lovers I have dumped because the sex was just over too quickly

Polly perky it is a society issue when many women are still raised to expect a lower standing. There is a constant barrage from media and other sources that subtly underline this position. Some women may never question this and whilst that may show a certain lack of enlightenment on their part it does not necessarily mean they are complicit to it.

This conditioning starts very early on and unless we, as a society, make strong steps towards changing our attitudes then the underlying problem will never be tackled

Sometimes I felt like asking if he would mind bringing a friend who could take over when he left the job half finished

Me too! And obvious from my never orgasm that it wasn't doing it for me. But nothing ever changed. I spent 8 years with my ex because we had kids. He never gave me one ever. Initially I just thought it was both of us inexperienced but it just got worse over time. Then he would actually try to get me drunk every weekend in the hope of a shag (for himself, with no orgasm for me), but if I got too drunk he would complain I fell asleep! If I complained I didn't get an orgasm he would just look at me and say women's bodies are weird like that and it wasn't his fault

I suspect some men feel that giving a man sexual pleasure is gratification enough for women
Making your man happy should keep you happy

"Women's bodies are weird"
of course they are. Not being men's bodies and all.

It's incredibly unfair to dismiss all societal input and tell women you should know better than to stay. How should they know better? Doctors are still prescribing creams to numb the vagina for women who can't have penetrative vaginal sex without pain. It's very obvious that women are being told their organism doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter if she can feel anything as long as she provides a hole.

A young woman who gets involved with a man and then has kids basically tying her to that man financially may not realise that she has other options. I'm genuinely happy it's so easy for some of you but don't be the sort of person who can't even consider what it might be like for someone else.

Sex is still framed as something a woman gives rather than enjoys. We still tell daughters what boys are after, which tells them very plainly hat it's not something girls are after. And if so why not?

I made it clear I was basing this on my own advice experience not an overall hate of men - I do not.

Unfortunately I am nearly 40 and it has taken me this long to find a man who cares about my orgasm at all.

Leaving men for bad sex is not something society approves of women doing! Women are programmed to stay with their kids, financial stability and put their need for orgasms on the back burner, all the while striving to save their husbands blue balls.

Also I think bad sex isn't talked about enough at all. It's a huge issue that destroys many relationships. It often is just the onus on women for not giving it

MinorRSole Can you give actual examples of what you mean?

Polly perky it is a society issue when many women are still raised to expect a lower standing.

I completely disagree. I don't know what you mean by 'lower standing'.

There are more women now than men going to uni.
Women tend to get higher A level results.
All the Big 4 companies- insurance and banks- have invested a lot in diversity and helping women promote themselves.

I don't know if you mean women accept a lower standard of behaviour (than men?) in a relationship, or women don't aim high enough professionally.

Whichever, it's not society. If the 'blame' lies anywhere then it's with parenting. My DCs were brought up to aim high and believe they could do anything, regardless of gender. I don't think my DD thinks she is worth less, either at work or in a relationship , than her brother.

ThanksMsMay A young woman who gets involved with a man and then has kids basically tying her to that man financially may not realise that she has other options

So it comes back to EDUCATION. No woman HAS to be tied to a man. Parents need to educate their daughters in the widest sense so they don't rush into marriage, have babies all too soon and not be able to support themselves. It starts at home- that's what 'society' is.

Pookiedo I am decades older than you and do not recognise any of what you say. It sounds cynical and bitter. I don't think anyone would judge a woman harshly if she said she was leaving a marriage because a man was selfish in bed- which is in fact saying he is selfish, full stop.

I honestly don't think you can separate overall selfish behaviour with selfish behaviour in bed. Selfish men will be selfish all round. Kind and loving men won't.

Most of these posts seem to be written by women from the 1940s, not women in 2017 who have had masses of opportunity educationally, for decades, to escape the circs people describe.

Yep just more male entitlement.

I'd either be an abusive bitch or some messed upnympho if I did the same as a woman.

Discussion is key.

If the man isn't getting enough sex and his wife agrees yes they should then yes some things can be worked out there like more help round the house, try some new stuff in the bedroom, book a relaxing weekend away or something.

But if she doesn't want sex then he'll either have to leave or accept it or possibly compromise by giving other forms of affection.

I do feel sorry for men whose wives don't want to have barely any sex and wives whose husbands don't want to either but mostly if they don't get any affection hugging, kissing etc.

But honestly the amount of threads where a woman is used to be pestered, coerced or actually forced to do things for their partner is disgusting.

It just shows how common it is unfortunately.

I'm really glad as a young woman you didn't share the experiences many of us had.

It's disgusting to be angry with us about what we experienced, how our parents raised us and how long it took us to become more empowered to stand up and say something and make our own changes. I have no words for you except fuck off

I was raised as a girl in a family with widespread abuse and women were not afforded educational opportunities

IS THIS MY FAULT? am I weak?

^There are more women now than men going to uni.Women tend to get higher A level results.
All the Big 4 companies- insurance and banks- have invested a lot in diversity and helping women promote themselves.^

This makes me laugh that you used it as proof of how women are doing so well.

They beat the asses off the boys in school and yet still need special diversity initiatives because in a world where they make up more than half of the population they still make up25-30% of partners. Weird eh. What a fucking coincidence that there are no hireable intelligent women when they do well at school

sounds cynical and bitter. I don't think anyone would judge a woman harshly if she said she was leaving a marriage because a man was selfish in bed- which is in fact saying he is selfish, full stop.

That's just such bullshit. One of the reasons so many women don't leave actual abusive relationships is because they're families won't accept it. When they're being beaten or raped, notbjust because they didn't orgasm with the guy. What universe do you live in?

This thread has made me sad as it's just so familiar of mine and so many of my friends' experiences.

A different issue is that even nice men fall foul of myths about female sexuality.

I slept with a very nice guy once, who was very considerate of me as a person, and very concerned that I have a good time. The problem was that he thought that what would give a man an orgasm also worked for women. I had never had an orgasm and told him as much to which he replied 'oh, perhaps you are one of those women who just can't orgasm'. At that time I couldn't correct him as I had no experience of one and I believed that physically I was doomed to a life of dull and unpleasurable sexual experiences.

My next boyfriend laughed when I told him not to bother trying to give me an orgasm as I couldn't have one. Thankfully he ignored me and did all the things he could think of and actually it worked pretty damn quickly!

ThanksMsMay ^There are more women now than men going to uni.Women tend to get higher A level results.
All the Big 4 companies- insurance and banks- have invested a lot in diversity and helping women promote themselves.^

The reason I wrote the above is not for the reasons you say.
The reason big companies are investing in and promoting diversity is because it's women who are not putting themselves forward, due to lack of confidence and a basic difference in women's behaviour when it comes to applying to jobs compared to men.

I suggest you take some time out to read the diversity reports by PwC, KPMG and the Bank of England on why women are not represented at board level.

Please stop posting about stuff you clearly know nothing about.