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Original poster

Men who are not getting enough satisfying sex

295 replies

PacificDogwod · 18/06/2017 15:05

What happens to them?!
Do they explode or something??

WTAF gives them the right to pressurise their partners for sex or humiliate them or 'threaten' to go elsewhere??

What happens to women who are not getting enough satisfying sex?
Just suck it up as long as you are satisfying yer man?

There are FAR too many threads about this 'problem' currently and I am putting my stance on this in this one to save me repeating myself: Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I totally get that there can be a mismatch in sexual desire in a couple and that IS a problem, but how it should be addressed is surely not by abuse and humiliation and pressure??

For the record: NOTHING happens to men who are not ejaculating as often as they might think they'd like. And anyway, surely that's what the shower or an old sock is for?!

Guys, up yer game.

Women, get angry Thanks

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2017 17:41

It can make them unhappy and they have a right to leave their relationship because of it. That's the POINT. You can discuss it properly as part of a loving and equal relationship. You can leave because of it (or anything else, that's your right).

What you shouldn't do is:
Sulk
Rant
Coerce
Elicit guilt
Force
Cheat
Sexually harass or assault your partner
Sexually harass or assault anyone

The fact is that straight and bi women are on the bottom of the orgasm list. Google the 'orgasm gap'. Women, not men, are the ones frequently having unsatisfying sex lives. But it's all about the almighty cock and it's orgasms. Be better at it, men, you might get a bit more of it. There are men out there (thank everything for DH) that can do housework and be giving in the sack. Why are so many so shit at it?

That felt good, thanks @PacificDogwood

TDHManchester · 18/06/2017 17:54

Again, i have encountered some women who are pretty poor "in the sack". I guess thats my fault? Maybe its both our faults in that we just didnt fit together well?

picklemepopcorn · 18/06/2017 18:06

I think women may have a higher threshold for finding sex satisfying enough to want more of it.
I mean, I get the impression men want good sex, but any old sex will do at a pinch.
Women tend to not want mediocre sex at all, and to avoid sex if it looks like being hard work rather than fun.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 18/06/2017 18:11

NOTHING happens to men who are not ejaculating as often as they might think they'd like.

Yes, it does:

Blue balls is a slang term for the condition of temporary fluid congestion (vasocongestion) in the testicles accompanied by testicular pain, caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male without ejaculation.

It is a very real condition.

However, it can be relieved by masturbating, so it's not an excuse to pressure anyone for sex.

PollyPerky · 18/06/2017 18:13

Never come across this with mature men. Maybe teenagers.

And there are plenty of women who want sex who use men as a commodity.

Scoobydoobydont · 18/06/2017 18:35

No doubt I will get grief for this, but anyway.

Firstly, and obviously no one should ever pressure someone or coerce them into sex.

Personally I find that if me and my wife are apart for a few days through work etc I don't get horny.

But if we spend a full day together, or a few evenings then because I love her I find I want to rip her clothes off and pleasure her as much as I want pleasure myself. If she doesn't reciprocate then after a few days there is no denying the fact that physically I get grumpy and slightly aggressive and easily wound up. I am twitchy like I have had too much caffeine.

Wanking doesn't fix it properly. I can wank three times a day and still be frustrated in her company while one decent joint session sorts everything out so in my case I would say it's partly physical and partly emotional.

CivQueen · 18/06/2017 18:37

The kind of people who pressurise others for sex are disgusting and it can't be blamed on a high sex drive.

In our marriage I am the one with a sex drive that is through the roof. Dh is about average I think (couple of times a week)

It would never cross my mind to harass or pressure him in anyway.

AnyFucker · 18/06/2017 18:56

"Slightly aggressive" ?

Hmm

Man1974 · 18/06/2017 18:59

A couple of times a week!

Try waiting a couple of times every few months.

And still be faithful after 12 years. And still try to talk about it. And still be told I harass her about it.

Not exactly harassing is it to mention it every month or so.

Not quite emotionally satisfying.

CivQueen · 18/06/2017 19:02

Try waiting a couple of times every few months

I still wouldn't pressure or emotionally blackmail Dh if that was the case. I only ever want sex with him if he is 100% in to it.

He isn't my fuck toy, nor is it his job to satisfy my every need immediately.

That's what my dildo is for.

IfNot · 18/06/2017 19:06

I want sex a lot if I'm in a good relationship and he cares where I am having a good time. When I feel like a hole to wank into , not so much.
A lot of men seem to think they can opt out of the shit jobs in life, take a woman for granted, and then wop out their wanger and we should be ready and willing.
Nope. And the older I get, the more I actually don't care if I have a man to provide, well, anything. I have my own money and a damn good vibrator.
If a man makes it worth my while then I'm all in. Luckily it's all good with dp, but if he started acting like an entitled tosser I would have no qualms about saying no.
Women are too worried about asserting their needs, in all areas of life.

JoshLymanJr · 18/06/2017 19:07

Think this thread has just put me off sex altogether...

Original poster
PacificDogwod · 18/06/2017 19:10

Yes, temporary vasocongestion is the very mechanism required to achieve an erection, as I am well aware Grin

There seem to be a number of people on this thread who get my point about the utter, utter unsexiness of somebody sulking/threatening/pressurising/having affairs over sex, and some who don't. Ah well, win some, lose some.

I was not talking about functional, healthy, properly adult relationships in which a mismatched sex drive is a problem

OP posts:
Original poster
PacificDogwod · 18/06/2017 19:11

Sorry, Josh Thanks

OP posts:
revolution909 · 18/06/2017 19:12

I also think women just stop wanting their husbands as much as they used to.

Scoobydoobydont · 18/06/2017 19:26

*Today 18:56 AnyFucker

"Slightly aggressive" ?

Hmm
*

Oh ffs grow up. More agitated, more easily riled and yes slightly more aggressive.

If I am frustrated and horny I cut the grass more quickly and fling the mower about more, I wash the car more quickly with more splashing.

I don't beat my wife

CremeFresh · 18/06/2017 19:26

Why don't some men 'get it' ? As in understand that being pushy about anything not just sex is not an attractive or endearing quality.

I fancied the pants off my ex and the sex was fantastic. But within minutes of entering my house (we didn't live together) he had his hands on my boobs, or grabbed my arse or pressed up against me . If he had only waited until we'd said hello and chatted about our day etc I would have loved to have sex with him . It was all so gropey and one sided and then the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening because I wasn't 'up for it'. Fuck off .

AnyFucker · 18/06/2017 19:40

I didn't say you beat your wife. But getting "slightly aggressive" if you don't get as much sex as you want makes you sound like a prick. In your own words, not mine.

You think others around you don't pick up on your barely contained violence ? Flinging a mower around is confrontational and intimidating. It says "look what I could do to you, if I felt like it"

I am sure you will write me off as a hysterical feminist, but some men genuinely don't seem to realise the signals they give out. I put it down to stupidity.

CremeFresh · 18/06/2017 20:10

Scooby do you not see that your 'slightly more aggressive' whilst not directly aimed at your wife , is still showing your displeasure at not getting what you want.

Charley50 · 18/06/2017 20:22

Totally agree. It's the sulks, and 'slight aggression' of demanding partners that is so off putting. Dp and I used to have a great sex life, but lately if I don't want sex he will nag and whine and push his cock onto my bum for ages etc. it's so off-putting.
And no I don't come every time. 1 out of 2 or 3. Whereas he comes every time.. How the fuck is that fair? I keep meaning to come first then roll over and fall asleep, leaving him to sort himself out. See how he likes it.

Original poster
PacificDogwod · 18/06/2017 20:28

Sulking or moving stuff around in a 'slightly more aggressive' manner is just so akin to the best of toddler behaviour and just The Biggest Turn Off, whichever sex commits it.

However, the balance seems to be skewed towards more men behaving like they have a right to sex and that it is their womenfolk's duty to provide it than the other way round.
I was not actually looking for anecdotes (and I am most certainly not providing any Grin), but RL (my professional life) and MN as a reflection of RL suggests that this is a problem.

And it can be scary and hideous to the women affected. Saying 'Not All Men Are Like That' (where did I say that ALL men were??) or 'well, some women behave hideously towards their men too' are common (false) arguments to shut this discussion down.

I have this theory that men are more likely to need sex to feel a connection, whereas women are more likely to need a connection in order to want sex. I am sure there are good reasons for this as far as the evolution of human kind goes.
You'd just kinda wish seeing that we came off the trees some time ago, that free will and civilised thinking might make a difference.
But maybe not.

OP posts:
emilybrontescorset · 18/06/2017 20:28

Perhaps there are lots of things people in relationships don't get and therein lies the problem.
Regular satisfying sex might be just one of them.
I have to agree about vibrators and dildos. I find they do they job quite nicely. I always wondered why men weren't happy with wanking. It much be physically different for men and women to be alone.

AguacateMaduro · 18/06/2017 20:31

100% agree!

I've been single for the best part of a decade. I manage without a hug! This idea that men are driven to cheat or give up on the woman who's turning herself inside out raising his kids, cleaning a house and working and being a wife......... there is so much pressure on women. Men don't seem to feell the same pressures because instead of feeling failures that their house is a mess and they sent their children to school with frozen sandwiches, they feel not guilt but an entitlement to more sex and more exciting sex.
At least, that's what i think reading mn.

JoshLymanJr · 18/06/2017 20:35

You think you've heard it all on this site, but taking out sexual frustration on the lawnmower is a new one for me. Every day's a school day...

YetAnotherGuy · 18/06/2017 20:51

It's all good knockabout stuff

But I think the idea that we men need to up our game when it is likely that we have a greater interest in sex (and higher drive) than our partners is to many of us either unrealistic or insulting

My take on all of this is that in a relationship, there should be a degree of compromise so that the lower-sexed partner may well "do it" more than they would do left to their own devices, if only because they know that it means a lot to their partner. And in return their partner does things for them in a similar way

Isn't that what love is all about?