Men who are not getting enough satisfying sex

[PacificDogwod]

What happens to them?!
Do they explode or something??

WTAF gives them the right to pressurise their partners for sex or humiliate them or 'threaten' to go elsewhere??

What happens to women who are not getting enough satisfying sex?
Just suck it up as long as you are satisfying yer man?

There are FAR too many threads about this 'problem' currently and I am putting my stance on this in this one to save me repeating myself: Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I totally get that there can be a mismatch in sexual desire in a couple and that IS a problem, but how it should be addressed is surely not by abuse and humiliation and pressure??

For the record: NOTHING happens to men who are not ejaculating as often as they might think they'd like. And anyway, surely that's what the shower or an old sock is for?!

Guys, up yer game.

Women, get angry

"Perhaps the issue is that - not least on MN - the answer as to why is that for some reason or other DW is saying - in effect - 'you are not good enough for me to consider continuing an intimate relationship.'"

This is kind of like a revelation to me actually. But it's not about "integrity" to discuss things.
Being with a man who's being generally a bit shit and isn't amenable to thinking about it, isn't something you can decide to discuss through having "integrity".

Being a man who isn't good enough for you is something your body might know while your conscious mind is in denial.

I honestly think that in many cases I see and hear about and my own cases the bottom line is it's always easier to blame someone else for a problem than look at yourself. So when wives do not want to have sex for the issues of inequality, and the men do not agree with the inequality the problem just becomes focused on the woman's unrealistic expectation of the husband and withholding sex on purpose to punish him. By this point I imagine it has been going on for a very long time - so is a fundamental communication problem. If people dealt with these issues in the open when they first arise then it might never get to the resentment point, but we as humans often try to communicate with body language instead of talking and this is wrong.

I think with low libido men or women this is something very hard to see in the intial stages of a new relationship when things are very exciting and people have sex a lot. during those first 18 months of the honeymoon period people dive into marriage and children and then later discover the low libido. This isn't anyone's fault because it's difficult to predict and no one knows how much kids/work/life will impact on their libido. This is a sad situation because the only 2 options seem to be accepting it or leaving, both of which are very hard to do. There will always be relationships with libido differences that just can't find the middle ground of a compromise that makes everyone happy. And I think leaving is usually the only way to give yourself a true chance of being emotionally fulfilled. I know that's not what people want to hear but I don't know what anyone can say otherwise - if you can't talk about it, then the marriage is sadly failing anyway

That has totally twisted the original premise. Which was about thread upon thread where women are intimidated, emotionally blackmailed and coerced into sex they don't want with a man who clearly doesn't respect them. In most cases it doesn't feel like the woman saying " you're not good enough". It's more like the other way round. Women have huge issues saying " actually you can't treat me like this, I need more" .
If he's not pulling his weight, being lazy or any number of other domestic grievances then DW should have the integrity to discuss these. Same for hygiene, respect, or feeling badly treated etc.
You honestly think someone wouldn't know if they were doing fuck all in the house or not washing themselves ? I think they would.

90% of this thread Is just bikers to me. People sporting all sorts of shit.

The quote below is exactly right. It's not about how men treat woman, or how women treat men. It's not about who does the dishes or who makes the most effort in bed.

*That bit about men feeling emotionally connected due to sex and women needing to feel emotionally connected to have sex has probably just saved my relationship.

We just had a massive heart to heart and 2 hours talking later we are actually smiling about it.

We both made promises to compromise which we both need to do to keep this 12 year relationship going. smile*

It's about two people who are supposed to love each other understanding that mean and women do in fact see things slightly differently, working together, compromising, and trying to give each other the best lives they can.

Does anyone else think that some of this maybe women's fault too?

Some women.... SOME.... make it so easy for men to cheat these days. They thrive off a married man, a man with a girlfriend, a man who's off bounds. That's what they get their kicks from.

Whilst some men.... SOME.... are absolute pigs for even thinking they have the right, I can't help but feel that if more women stuck together then the men wouldn't always think the grass is greener.

Makes me sad that most women have been on the receiving end of a cheating partner at some stage in their life but they go on to be the 'other woman' and think it's not their responsibility.

#grrrrmakesmesoangry

most women who are cheated on go on to be other women??
Women aren't sticking together with other women is helping men to cheat?

Possibly the most ludicrous statements I have seen in a while

Men don't think the grass is greener because other women stand in the green side waving around their knickers saying 'look what you could have! Come get me!' Because doesn't this concept make it the fault of women and men just can't help themselves. Poor men. Surrounded by all these seductresses it must've be so hard to say no

PookieDo - taken out of context.

Obviously men should have some self control and in theory, you'd hope that the most gorgeous woman in the world could 'wave their knickers' at your man and he'd decline.

Simply stating that some women make it easy for men to cheat. That's it.

Hi Pacificdogwood - I am genuinely not looking to be obtuse.
I think this thread has drawn out some really interesting contributions, but on the whole array of different issues, so it's focus is hard to pin down. I now see that (although responses have been on lots of aspects) the focus is is intended to be on abuse and the threat of violence over sex.
If you want me to say that domestic violence is perpetrated by nasty evil sexist f*ks - then of course - domestic violence is perpetrated by nasty evil sexist f*ks!!!
The initial title thread is about 'men' in 'unsatisfying' sexual relationships and sexist attitudes and bad/abusive behaviours that emerge (which I read to be a more general application to many more relationship scenarios ). So in that context I would say there is a full spectrum of 'men' - from good husbands whose wives have lost interest in them, good husbands who have reacted inappropriately to feeling rejected on occasion, husbands who react inappropriately because they don't have a more enlightened view of female autonomy and sexual agency, lack self awareness and would benefit from education, husbands with darker issues around dealing with rejection and with underlying sexist mind sets, men with dangerous anger management issues and early childhood attachment issues, and nasty violent sexist bastards that no woman should have found themselves in a relationship with in the first place. But if you mean the worse end then yes - we can all hate on them! I guess FWIW - to me it's not very illuminating for the vast majority of relationships that are far more depressingly mundane in their misery to focus on the already damaged abusive relationship scenarios as an area where men need to 'up their game' - unless you meant confront other men about attitudes?

So the balance of power aspect hadn't jumped out at me - nor the negation of individual experiences? You said 'men up your game - women get angry' - and I suppose that is an invitation to - at best challenge sexist attitudes - and at worst - hate on bad men. But again I'd just say that if we take a 'zero tolerance' approach to people who might sometimes act out their feelings of rejection - we cast a pretty wide net (including women who are also acting out the same feelings) - as has been said..
If this were exclusively about male/female power relations in society then what explains the very same relationship dynamics (hi libido acting out frustrations /lo libido withdrawal) in lesbian and gay relationships?
If this thread is actually more about condemning domestic abuse and domestic violence by men on women in circumstances where the men feel they aren't getting enough sex - then of course it's totally abhorrent- but it's then quite extreme scenario and ranting against something we can all agree is vile. But it's not really a relationship thread issue anymore - gaining the range of individual relationship experiences that people share on these pages, which I for one really value.

I think I've responded to MNers talking about the dynamics of common hi/low libido issues and the genuine hurt on both sides.
But for the record - I have two school age daughters and I absolutely agree that far more should be taught to boys and girls about consent, female agency, women's autonomy, male attitudes in adolescence and what is and is not healthy/appropriate in relationships.

On an aside - Ifnot - in reply - people can get depressed and suffer personal hygiene issues, people aren't necessarily 'doing fuck all' even if they could do more, everyone can go through bouts of laziness/despondency when life overwhelms them, and no - they aren't always aware of the impact on others. And even if it shouldn't need saying - that doesn't really equate to - its ok to say nothing, does it?

And final apologies at the length of post - red wine ahem...

koochy Have you ever heard the phrase " There would be no loose men if there were no loose women"

Poor men, can't keep it in their pants because of the loose women tempting them. Fuck sake 🙄

Do you really think that or are you just a GF?

OkPedro - can't help but feel like you're another one taking things completely out of context.

I'm female, I'm not an angry or bitter female. It was simply an observation. Devils advocate. And yes I've heard that phrase... it confirms my original remark.

Fair is fair, why do some women thrive off men with partners? I didn't once say that it excuses men did I?

How does that saying confirm your original remark? You agree with it?

OkPedro - I said that women make it easy for men to cheat these days. It's a fact by the way. The phrase quoted by you confirms that. Men couldn't cheat if other women weren't willing to participate.

I mean if we are saying that my opinion (which I'm entitled to FYI) isn't valid... let's take a look at the original question. Basically, is it ok for men to cheat if they aren't getting enough at home? Obviously not! How bizarre.

Not sure my comments are the ridiculous ones around here.

Cheating isn't anything new 'these days'
It's been around a while

Please demonstrate these facts you are boasting about that i have never heard of. Love to see them

And it is absolutely ludicrous to make a statement that women make it easy for men to cheat. Women have affairs too, with willing men who therefore must make it easy for women to cheat as well.

People cheat. We all know that. People who cheat often, you know... lie. To the person they cheat ON and WITH. Quite often 2 married people cheat with each other. People pretend to be single to find partners. I don't know who you have been hanging out with but I've never met anyone personally whose romantic life goals are to spend all their christmases alone while their married lover is playing happy families. It's a miserable game and not many people would choose it. Some are stupid and do. But there are not swathes of single women sitting at home trying to work out how to steal a husband off someone.

As a woman you have completely bought into the scarlet woman idea and it's stupid ignorant and irrelevant to this discussion. So give it up

Dadist, I agree with many of your points. I go back to my earlier point. If your relationship has got to the stage where you fear you might become passive aggressive and frustrated by the lack of sex with your partner then it's already gone too far. Your communication must have broken down some time ago and you missed it. Now it's X time down the line and harder to fix - and there might not be a fix. Sex won't be the only thing you aren't communicating about. Affections will have diminished. It's harder to get things back on track. Relationships should be cared for all the time and not just fixed whenever things get so bad. So both partners could be equally to blame for those beeakdown of communication

PookieDo - people are allowed opinions and this is a place where you're free to discuss and air them. So I won't give them up just as I wouldn't expect you to give up yours. We don't all agree in life. There's no need for anyone to be outraged. It wasn't that out there of a comment and I stick by it. Appreciating your thoughts on it though. It's always nice to take into account someone else point of view isn't it......

And I am not saying I have a perfect relationship but one thing we have both learnt from our past mistakes is this very thing of just plodding along. It's dangerous. It WILL kill your relationship dead slowly for the nicest of people and it happened to us both. So we check in with each other frequently. Are you ok, anything on your mind. Picking up on any mood changes - want to talk about it? Then let's sit and problem solve if there is. No need for any sulking if you feel you can say to someone 'hey, i don't like that' and they will listen. I read on these boards people kind of realising they don't really even like their partner very much, let alone talk to them about their feelings and sharing emotions.

It's a stupid view and it's a dangerous ignorant one that I hope you are not teaching any little girls or little boys.

HTH

Will come back later to see your 'facts' on that women make it easy for men to cheat too. Can't wait

Oh dear god PookieDo. No, no I'm not. It's also very ignorant and dangerous to think that your opinion is the only valid one. I'm leaving it at that.

You have stated that it is a FACT and I am asking you for those facts please.
It wasn't an opinion, you told us this was factual and I would like to know what this is based on and see any evidence

You can have all the opinions that You wish to, but I am pointing out to you that these have no basis on anything in the real world apart from what you have made up.

If my opinion was that the world was flat then I would be entitled to that, but look a bit of a twat, right?

PookieDo - I just hope you don't teach your aggressive ways to any little boys or girls.

In 1920, do you think that 'Maureen' was knocking off her best mates husband? No. Never. It would have been shameful and disgraceful to even have sex outside of a marriage most likely.

In 2017 it wouldn't surprise you would it?

That's all I'm saying.

It wasn't sexist. All I was saying was that I wish women could stick together a little more. Girl code and all that. I really don't think it's that crazy of a comment. But, seeing as I seem to have got your back up, I apologise. I don't come on here to be offensive. I thought freedom of speech was still a thing.

In 1920, do you think that 'Maureen' was knocking off her best mates husband? No. Never. It would have been shameful and disgraceful to even have sex outside of a marriage most likely.

I haven't read the last few pages so I'm not taking anyone's side, but if you seriously believe this, you're exceptionally naive.

Suppose there's worse things to be in life than naive.

Oh indeed there are

The social consequences might have been worse in the 1920s, but sex outside marriage most certainly went on all the same.

Is that your facts?
I rest my case.