Men who are not getting enough satisfying sex

[PacificDogwod]

What happens to them?!
Do they explode or something??

WTAF gives them the right to pressurise their partners for sex or humiliate them or 'threaten' to go elsewhere??

What happens to women who are not getting enough satisfying sex?
Just suck it up as long as you are satisfying yer man?

There are FAR too many threads about this 'problem' currently and I am putting my stance on this in this one to save me repeating myself: Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I totally get that there can be a mismatch in sexual desire in a couple and that IS a problem, but how it should be addressed is surely not by abuse and humiliation and pressure??

For the record: NOTHING happens to men who are not ejaculating as often as they might think they'd like. And anyway, surely that's what the shower or an old sock is for?!

Guys, up yer game.

Women, get angry

..some men genuinely don't seem to realise the signals they give out. I put it down to stupidity.

Haha!

I'm coping atm with a mate whose DH hasn't touched her for 2 years. She's climbing walls.

Wanking can't fix it.

It happens to both sexes, and it's awful.

Contrary to most people's beliefs, sexless relationships are quite rare. That's why marriage and partnership are called 'sexual relationships'.

Is she going to put up with it? No. Should she? No way. Her life, her choice. I'd say the same whatever gender my friend was.

Only if you equate being penetrated when you don't want to be with putting the bins out

But I think the idea that we men need to up our game when it is likely that we have a greater interest in sex (and higher drive) than our partners is to many of us either unrealistic or insulting

I don't think you understand what is being said. ..
A lot of men need to " up their game" in terms of being good at it, not in terms of wanting it more!

Last message to YetAnotherGuy

In my first relationship, as stupid as this sounds, I never realised that sex was my choice too. If he wanted sex, we had sex. I didn't really say no even if I didn't feel like it. I should name change now as that sounds so stupid. I'm not blaming him in any way, I don't know how he would have reacted if I said no firmly. I used to say it sometimes but in a timid way (not out of fear, just inexperience and a lack of confidence) and then I'd end up just going along with it. I never saw sex as something that I should get pleasure from too. I had lots of ONS around that age and again I never had any pleasure from it. I did it but I didn't really know why I did. Well mostly because I was off my face on drink and or drugs.

My relationship now is absolutely nothing like that. My dp was lovely from the start and never pushed me even with my timid "no's" if I didn't feel like sex. I realised I could initiate sex if I felt like it too. I joined mumsnet about two years after we'd met and only after reading lots on here did I realise I was so naive when I was younger. I have a lot of posters here to thank. Sometimes I see women here talking about how they feel they owe their dh/p sex or whatever, or even talking about how they run around after him doing all the housework and cooking and so on, and I think maybe I could have ended up like that. I read their threads and sometimes my initial instinct is 'why are they being so stupid. Why are they running around after him like a slave.' but then I stop myself because that could have been me, because I didn't realise things could be different. I was just lucky enough to have got in a relationship with a really nice person.

Exactly AnyFucker.
Also, Yet, I don't think men do have a greater interest in sex. Not at all. But a pp unthread quoted some research that showed straight women don't have orgasms as much as gay women, because of things (some) men are doing wrong. Then maybe we'd rather have z wank.

Z wank? A wank! I'm off to watch a Handmaid's Tale. How fitting.

there should be a degree of compromise

I don't think you should have to compromise with your own body. I would see compromise within a relationship more like "I'll look after DCs while you go on Julie's hen do, as long as I get out to the Rangers game next weekend", not having sex when you don't want to.

Mismatched sex drives may be grounds for splitting up, not for coercing someone to do something they don't want to.

My ex wanted more sex. In fact he pestered me for sex all the time. I tried to talk to him about it and he said he pestered me all the time just so he didn't miss an opportunity. If I told him I was too tired he would wank very enthusiastically in bed beside me, keeping me awake.

I had three children under five and was exhausted, as two of them didn't sleep. He made me go to the doctors because he said there was something wrong with me. The doctor just said it was understandable as my children were so young.

My ex would humiliate me in front of other people, insulting me and saying he never got any sex.

In the end I'd had enough and told him to go. He refused and slept on the sofa. I could hear him crying every night but by then I'd had enough of him. One night he came up to me and told me he'd taken an overdose. He was in hospital for a while but recovered.

I've felt terribly guilty about ending our marriage and depriving my children of a dad living with them. Reading mumnset has helped me no end to see I was living with an abusive manipulative man. Thanks ladies.

Agree so much with the comment that 'If men were better, less selfish fucks, women would want to have more sex with them'.

It really is the culture of entitlement, and men thinking of women as there to meet their needs.

Absolute turn offs for me are - whining about sex, straying hands, cock pressed into your bum as you try to sleep. Men - listen!

This is not about mismatched sex drives, the frustration of living in a sexless relationship, or the loneliness that may exist within a relationship.

It's about the idea that men 'need' sex and have a 'right' to it and it's women's duty to satisfy this 'need'.

Another bloke here. I have been in relationships with women who wanted more sex than I did. Of course they couldn't coerce me, but they all made scornful and bad tempered comments. In the end we fell out and went our separate ways. Was that society's fault? No. If a guy badgers you for sex when you don't want it, after a warning or two dump him. Is that so hard? Society is not forcing you to stay with him and it's not society's fault if he acts like a tosser. At least 90% of men agree it's wrong to pressure their partners into sex, if yours don't agree then you're probably hanging out with the wrong crowd.

I'n tolerating NASCAR while MNing, while Handmaid is recording - that is a compromise.

The very first two lines of the OP were

What happens to them?!
Do they explode or something??

I subsequently tried to point out that for me, there is a definite physical and mental change if I don't feel loved.

I didn't say I get aggressive with people, but tried to point out that I can feel a change within myself and that it manifests in a definitely physical way.

The question was asked and I tried to answer it as I guess I have a better understanding of what goes on in my male body than woman do.

dogfish, I take your point, but it fails to show any understand on quite how pernicious and all-pervading socialisation is.

Read Toodle's post from a few minutes ago.

Well, I'd never shag a man who was bad in bed more than once.

I've dumped people because of it, which is normal and usual.

What I don't understand is why, if bad sex is the problem, why women enter relationships with men who can't do it right. Which makes me think that bad sex isn't the issue, it's bad relationships.

In which case you know what to do.

I think it's unfair to expect long-term celibacy in a sexual relationship from anyone of either sex. Mind, that's your different planet to hassling ladies for endless fanny, which is rank and possibly the most unsexy behaviour on this planet.

Well, yes, my OP was a bit tongue in cheek - out of sheer exasperation tbh.

Lana, I regularly speak to teenaged boys who mouth off about 'being up for it' 'all the time' and who feel pressure because of an expectation that sex is what they want ALL of the time (I live with 2 male teenagers so I don't have unrealistic ideas about this btw ) and teenaged girls who do not understand that they do not HAVE to have sex in order to get or keep a guy.
They have not been raised to expect good sex or to say no or to 'get' that they have as much say in the decision about when/how/where to have sex as their partner.

Women get in to bad relationships for all sorts of reasons, but at least one is because they have learnt that they on their own are worth nothing. And that any relationship is better than none.
It is very sad and upsetting to witness tbh.

Pacific I get you entirely - you're making my point much better than I did, which is that expectations about what a decent relationship should be are not always correct.That's yer trouble, not the sex.

And men often don't start relationships selfish and bad in bed. Sometimes the entitlement emerges a lot later when kids and mortgages come along and it's harder to leave.

If my partner "needed" me to touch her I would try to get in the mood for her.

But there does not seem to be much reciprocation. And if the roles were reversed?

There are lots of things I do because my partner wants to but that I don't have all that much interest in.

To withhold anything in a relationship knowing your partner likes it is just plain destructive.

Agreed. My mate had this before the, er, withdrawal of his services.

I like living dangerously ...

IfNot With respect, I know what you are saying. But for many people, they could become a sexual athlete of Olympic standards, and it still it isn''t go to alter an imbalance of sexual desire

AnyFucker I thought we were talking here about people in a long-term relationship where there is already a significant degree of sexual attraction. If you fancy your partner, why wouldn't you want to make them happy? Sounds rather purist to me. Or have you never done or would you never do anything for a partner to make them happy?

YetAnotherGuy
Why would you not abstain from sex to make your partner happy?

Ah, of course, because MALE happiness is more important.