Men who are not getting enough satisfying sex

[PacificDogwod]

What happens to them?!
Do they explode or something??

WTAF gives them the right to pressurise their partners for sex or humiliate them or 'threaten' to go elsewhere??

What happens to women who are not getting enough satisfying sex?
Just suck it up as long as you are satisfying yer man?

There are FAR too many threads about this 'problem' currently and I am putting my stance on this in this one to save me repeating myself: Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I totally get that there can be a mismatch in sexual desire in a couple and that IS a problem, but how it should be addressed is surely not by abuse and humiliation and pressure??

For the record: NOTHING happens to men who are not ejaculating as often as they might think they'd like. And anyway, surely that's what the shower or an old sock is for?!

Guys, up yer game.

Women, get angry

PookieDo I was raised as a girl in a family with widespread abuse and women were not afforded educational opportunities

IS THIS MY FAULT? am I weak?

Then you are not representative of the vast majority of girls in the UK and you ought to understand that. Abusive families, lack of investment in girls' education and so on is not the norm in the UK in 2017 nor was it 40 years ago.

Of course it's not your fault. Why would you say that? My post makes it clear that it's parenting that lies behind it.

This thread is so depressing.

I don't know why PD started it tbh, but it has become a means to criticise what appears to be men, full stop.

We seem to be mixing up women's orgasming ability (which is different to men's and yes, we need more time) , rape, coercion, abuse- all in one thread.

I feel sorry for the women here who have had abusive partners, but there is no need to tar all men with the same brush.

Women who got married or pregnant young with no qualifications, from abusive families , got into relationships with equally abusive men, and with no prospects, do not make up all of the UK in 2017.

Some of you who are carrying around all this anger need to get help because it's eating away at you as shown by the emotional responses here.

women who are not putting themselves forward, due to lack of confidence and a basic difference in women's behaviour when it comes to applying to jobs compared to men.

And where does this basic difference lie? Is it somewhere in the uterus or is it a social pressure? Because it sounds like you're stating there is a natural difference while also stating that it's the fault of women for not doing these things? So we're different or we're the same but lazy?

I'm not a girl, I am nearly 40.
Just as I can't speak for all men you can't speak for all women.
Things are better, but they are still shit. I cannot possibly be in a minority of women raised in a sexist abusive family seen as statistics on domestic abuse and violence are so high, it's just not hidden like it used to be. So my kids will be a new generation of it being slightly better.

You cannot just use education as a benchmark for sexual empowerment.
You also have religion which you haven't even touched on and a whole host of reasons WHY men are still abusing women and WHY it is so hard to 'just leave' or 'not put yourself in this place in the first instance'.

There is still strong sex discrimination in the workplace. There are still women being sexually assaulted every single day. Going to university isn't helping those women

Why isn't anyone teaching or empowering MEN to not rape, not assault, educated about women's sexual organs, to respect and value women and then pass THAT down to the next generation. FYI - men are parents too, so it's no use just educating women is it?!

got into relationships with equally abusive men, and with no prospects, do not make up all of the UK in 201

No, not all women. 23% of women according to women's aid have suffered dv. I'd say that was a pretty sizeable minority. And that's the culture that we live in. It would be good if you did some research before you posted

That bit about men feeling emotionally connected due to sex and women needing to feel emotionally connected to have sex has probably just saved my relationship.

We just had a massive heart to heart and 2 hours talking later we are actually smiling about it.

We both made promises to compromise which we both need to do to keep this 12 year relationship going.

ThanksMsMay I suggest you read the reports. Not my job to do the donkey work for you! I've read it and then written about it as part of my work as well as talking to the partners in these companies.

Maybe stop being so flippant and jumping to conclusions?

PookieDo

Things are better, but they are still shit.

No. They might be in your world but not mine.

You appear to be from a sector of society where women are abused and where religion and men dominate women. This is part of the UK's society but it's still a minority. You need to look to your own community, religion and parenting if it's perpetuating these things.

But don't come along suggesting it's how things are for most women as they are not.

Education gives women freedom. No of course it doesn't stop them being victims of DV but it at least gives them the opportunity to stand on their own feet and support themselves financially.

This thread was about sexual selfishness, not the whole scenario of why men abuse women and why women can't leave.

This is about sexual dissatisfaction AND sexual abuse. They go together in many way.

You continue to push me into a minority group because we are different, this is discrimination.

I'm not even disagreeing with you about education but you are entirely focused on women dragging themselves out of the clutches of these terrible men by going to university and getting good jobs.
This in itself is not the only answer and now you are trying to avoid it

Along side girls educating and empowering themselves they should Simply NOT have to do this to ensure they don't get trapped with a man like this.... because men like this need to be educated and stop treating women like this.

It just forms a new type of class where poor women are destined to be abused and only the privileged have a chance of saving themselves

I was privately educated and attended university. It didn't stop me being trapped in an abusive relationship nor did it make It any easier to escape it. Yes I did eventually but only with the help of a genuinely amazing social worker.

I'm not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse or are blissfully unaware of the extent of this problem and I cannot decide which would be worse

No. They might be in your world but not mine. You appear to be from a sector of society where women are abused and where religion and men dominate women. This is part of the UK's society but it's still a minority. You need to look to your own community, religion and parenting if it's perpetuating these things.

Nigella Lawson was pretty well educated, wasn't she? And fairly solvent, from what I understand?

You'll find abusers in every sector of society, if you look. An education and an income do not inoculate a woman against abuse. Luckily for you, you don't seem to know anything about the dynamics of an abusive relationship. But perhaps you should educate yourself, before coming on here, and talking down to those who do.

nksMsMay I suggest you read the reports. Not my job to do the donkey work for you! I've read it and then written about it as part of my work as well as talking to the partners in these companies.

Hmm I asked you what you thought, but handy cop out.

There's certainly no point in helping women to deal with these 'basic differences' if they aren't social though there?

There are a few im alright jack posters on MN who can't accept that they've had an easier ride than other women. It doesn't make you look clever being completely unable to see the rest of the world you live in.

Man1974 I am glad. Good for you for taking on board what has been said on this thread.

Any man who pressures, sulks, huffs, threatens because of lack of sex in the relationship is really not worth having.

A relationship consist of many other aspects and in order to have a happy and satisfying sex life, all the other things have to be in place, like, respect, kindness, compromise, equality and a shared outlook.

I despair on here sometimes when reading posts from women who are having sex against their wishes to pacify a childish controlling selfish prick, all to save face and save their relationship.

This probably due to the fact that we have been so oppressed as a sex for so bloody long the after effects are still at play.

I hate how some women prioritise the man's need over their own and some women who think this man is better than being alone, both wrong, both feeding into the ideal that the man must be serviced and idolised to the detriment of their own mental health.

I hope today's young females are far more confident in themselves and what they expect from a partner and won't take any less than that.

I also think the accessibility of porn has lead to lots of cheating partners, both men and women as it's so easy to just go online and be as inappropriate as you like, in fact some have the audacity to not even hide it very well. It saddens me also what young boys are learning from the crap online about relationships; the world wide web has done nada for equality between the sexes.

Thank god not all men are like this, I hope these shits are in the minority, I just wish women would value themselves more and realise that you don't need a bloody man to function, esp a crap one at that.

Sorry this is a wilfully stupid post looking for an argument or a rant - that doesn't help anyone. It asks a rhetorical question "what gives men the right to be abusive" ) - er nothing - ever!) and then goes on to suggest that ejaculation is not a biological necessity so therefore no one should need sex in their marriage - and gives unhelpful pointers on ways to kill your sex life in a relationship and the abusive things men (esp) do.
And MNers are then invited to talk at completely cross purposes over completely different things with completely different scenarios.
So um - yes - WTAF?

OP - Why not offer advice to both sexes on either side of the equation- as to how to approach the issue that you conceded can actually be a problem - namely how each side can work through when one person in a relationship no longer desires to have sex with the other?

The problem is it became a wider issue, its such a spectrum. It can border on abusive or be fully abusive. Men don't always realise perhaps they are bordering on the edge of emotional abuse with sulking, passive aggression and coercion - because they just want the sex and don't know what to do.

They often don't relate what their wives have told them 'im tired/please help more' etc into being a crucial reason why a woman might not want as much sex as they do

Then you have the controversial issue of bad sex. A woman is not going to want sex if it is of no benefit to her physically or emotionally. You have to know you are actually engaging in mutual pleasure, or whether you even find that person attractive anymore.

I really don't think it's a hard issue to solve (in a non abusive marriage) It's about listening to each other and actually recognising that the problem is probably partly you as well.

Did you ever stop to wonder why your wife does say no? Ever? When angrily bashing the lawnmower around?

Here's a hint. If something feels unbelievable and amazing, and mind blowing... you don't say no to it. Sex is a legitimate cure for menstruatal cramps, headaches, it's brilliant. When done properly. If she says no, it's because it's not being done properly. Or you've been a massive knob.

Do people really believe this? What a load of shit! So women are always up for sex unless men have done something wrong? So women can't have low sex drives, hangups due to sexual abuse or societal conditioning. They can't have other priorities. If they don't like sex = bad man. What about fucking HORMONES? No impact at all???

No wonder the threads on marital sex on MN are always a mess. Most of the ardent feminists here don't understand sex at all. They're idiots. What terrifying nonsense.

Nothing wrong with the post, people post all sorts of opinions, I think the post might be helpful to some who are struggling to see through the fog and some men are like this, so it's relevant enough.

if you don't like it, don't reply. Where does it say abusive, I don't see that. I also don't think it's saying you shouldn't need sex in a marriage.

To me, it says, don't put up with shit from self centred, control freaks who think they are entitled to use you like a sex toy but I guess we all have our own interpretations.

If you have a low sex drive for medical or hormonal reasons then it's perfectly reasonable in a marriage to discuss it. It might be a deal breaker for one party. That doesn't make them a horrible person.

But I do agree that I am less likely to turn down good sex over bad sex even if i am tired or having a difficult time with my health, it's pretty obvious that it would be less of an issue in a good, communicative, passionate relationship that it would naturally occur and not be 'asked' for

Well, rolo

At the risk of using a well used quote....you would say that, wouldn't you

So when men or women engage in passive aggressive behaviours, sulks, strops, cold shoulder etc - it's not healthy and it won't help improve the relationship. But it is very often how people respond to feeling hurt (men and women) and it means there needs to be an improvement in communication. It's not exclusive to men and stereotypical lawn mowers bashing - there are women right now clattering pans because their DH is not meeting their need for sex, love, affection, appreciation etc

But if we are going to be provocative about sex and marriage how about this to ponder ...as a man the best sex you will have is when you are in a relationship where nothing the woman can do would hurt you emotionally. When you are never going to feel angry or wounded or unappreciated, or fear being unloved or insecure- because you don't feel the need for any of those things from her. Those are the ones that women still remember- the ones they crave sexually when they ponder the ones that got away (however terrible the actually relationship was).
Im told it's a thing? Views welcomed.

Well, I'm going to buck the trend here. My husband can give me an orgasm every time. He is not selfish in bed. He is a demanding, domineering person in the rest of life, and it's really turned me off.

I would say that he is selfish in life, but not in bed. But for me, life matters more than bed, and without the day time bits being right, I just don't fancy him. (He is nice looking with good hygiene, lest you wonder.)

Thanks Toomanyhg - so that says you stopped fancying him for other reasons around his character/personality- and I suppose I wonder what made you marry him? Did he change - were you just young and in love? Selfish is a big red flag really. But hey- the sex was good while it lasted?

Being good at sex is one small piece of a larger puzzle.

I don't really understand your question Dadist do you mean a one night stand?