In our 30s, he hasn't made a move, sexually frustrated lol

[Dipsy86]

Been going out with my new boyfriend for over 6 weeks. We have seen each other basically every second day since we met! (we knew each other before, he isn't a stranger, known him since we were teens). We have been on about 3 "proper" dates per week, then coffees and lots of walks in between these dates. So we have seen each other A LOT!!

We definitely have that spark, he constantly tells me how attracted he is to me. He is always holding my hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how amazing I am etc. IT is really lovely. We have kissed a lot too. He is 33, I am 31. But I am now getting extreme sexual frustration lol to the point where it is starting to bug me. There has been ample opportunity for him to "try it on" and he hasn't. He has been at my house multiple times and i often think "this will be the night" lol and it doesn't happen. Instead he will just keep kissing me. He isn't a virgin, has had previous girlfriends, even one night stands (even I haven't had a one night stand lol).

I mentioned it last week and he said "oh we have plenty time to be doing that and get to know each others bodies etc, I don't want to ruin this and am enjoying taking this slow". I then said "you won't ruin it". I am past that stage now lol, I know we are both in this for a relationship. But I am literally at the stage where I can't take it anymore and it is actually awkward now as I am like just make a move on me after 15 minutes of solid kissing.

I mentioned it to some of my friends and each of them said they thought it was really odd, how much we have seen each other and no sexual moves have been made. I do not feel confident enough to make a move on him sexually as in my experience it is usually the guy that would initiate this first. I have laid plenty hints now and he knows how I feel.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week. He said "I want to start this relationship properly". Which is really sweet and I totally respect it. However, naturally I want to rip his clothes off lol.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

Keeponrunning - wow that is a new take on this that I did not expect!! I had never even thought about it in that way! I won't lie that has actually petrified me.

Another theory - what if he is just downright shy? On our first three dates he was shaking like a leaf!

Talk to him. You need to have an honest conversation here!!

Listen to your gut feeling. It's there to protect yourself from harm.

Have you considered he might be a virgin and has lied about past sexual encounters?

Shy is fine, but how long do you allow for it? Surely shy people still have to make the decision to have sex at some point? Also shy men don't boast about having big dicks

Look - I think what is important is communication. Speed at which you both proceed can be faster or slower - and as long as you are both clear and open - it could work.
And clear and open you clearly are not - otherwise you'd not been here asking and wondering.

A long time ago - I met a man and fell for him, almost immediately. He did as well. He practically moved into my place from week 2. And previously - I have never wondered when to start sleeping with the men I dated. Normally it happened quite quickly.
But in that particular case - it all felt so special, and I, somehow, wanted to wait. Wanted to know him more. Wanted it to be special, don't know why.
We lived together, and slept in the same bed for several weeks until it got to the point when I felt I was ready.

But we talked and he was clear on where my head was.

There is definitely something worrying him OP.
"Shaking like a leaf" on your first few dates is also unusual. He sounds very timid. Often timid people may have moments when they over-compensate - i.e. the large penis claims. It's the sort of thing you might say when you're 15.
All you know of his previous experiences is what he's decided to tell you. It may all be bravado or untrue. Maybe you're his first and he has no idea how to proceed?

I think we're all agreed this isn't a usual state of affairs.

If I were you OP I'd tell him to either fess up what the problem is, do the deed, or to give you a call once he's ready to behave like an adult.

A guy I was seeing did this for ages .: kept saying next time , next time ..

Eventually he dropped his pants and I needed a microscope .

Urgh.

I had a boyfriend many many years ago when I was in my mid 20's.

He was very popular with the girls. Nice guy but he seemed disinterested in more than kissing. We did eventually after a number of months go further and his heart was clearly not in it.

He was gay... He now lives with his long term partner.

Do not meet his parents until you have slept with him. It just isn't worth getting cosy with the family if it's going nowhere.

saying sit on her lap, knell down on him, come down naked with a tiny towel on - no we wouldn't because that would be wrong

OK I'm going to stop you here. Let's NOT pretend all things are equal because they aren't.

Sitting on a man's lap is a pretty standard non sex position when fooling around. ANd it might give an indication of an erectile disorder. A man sat in her lap she'd be pegged down and it would be highly unusual and probably a bit frightening.

The same with a naked man appearing. That's usually the sign you're about to get raped. Worst case scenario here is that the op walks off embarrassed. I'd have 100% no issue with a man posting here to say he's been seeing a woman for 6 weeks and she's given no indication sex is on the cards. He'd have every right to ask. And every right to think it's not worth his time if she avoided the question or didn't want to have sex until marriage etc.

When the question is usually asked on this forum by men, it's a married couple where the wife is doing all the child and house work and exhausted. Not a new relationship.

He hasn't said he's not ready for sex.

What do you think it means when someone says they want to take it slow? "Please jump me or try and undo my trousers"??! Fucking worrying how some people are clearly prepared to coerce or pressure someone into sex because they can't control their own urges it would seem.

I can't believe people are even suggesting he's abusive now?! It's been 6 weeks of dating. 6 weeks. It's not been years. Personally I have waited longer than that before sleeping with someone. People are different. You don't get to dictate the speed at which someone else is happy to become physical and it's ridiculous and unfair to accuse someone of being abusive just because they feel differently than you. There's nothing wierd about wanting to wait a bit.

OP, just talk to him. You're getting some really odd advice on here and you shouldn't let it colour your view. I think you just have to tell him you're a bit confused that he seems to talk about sex but not want to do it, which he is perfectly entitled to do, but you just want to check everything is OK. You also need to be honest about the fact that sex is important to you so you need to know now if the two of you aren't going to be compatible.

Does he get hard when you kiss him?

I agree with PP's - he's probably got erectile problems or a micro cock. If I were you I would want to find out once and for all. How about putting your hand down his pants next time you kiss?

Does she get wet when you kiss her?

I agree with PP's - she's probably got medical problems or is self conscious about her genitals. If I were you I would want to find out once and for all. How about putting your hand down her pants next time you kiss?

Still sound like good advice

If you're in a relationship with this guy, why not just talk to him?

I wouldn't wait 6 weeks for a man to be ready for sex.

Ratatouille have you had sex before? Because you're just not making equivalent comparisons. It's fairly obvious if a man you are touching has an erection. Unless they are sitting two feet away from each other and only touching heads. Same with the "is her vagina too tight" post up thread, it's just not a usual reason for women to avoid sex. Our bodies are not the same so you can't always compare.

I would expect a man to have an erection after 15 minutes of kissing the same as I would (hopefully) be wet. It would be very obvious if the man had an erection though.

keepingonrunning I genuinely can't believe what you've put. This place never fails to amaze me. So because a guy doesn't yet want to have sex it must mean he's abusive?! Fucking hell, I'm embarrassed for you.

OP, I never said you'd rape him. But women on here preach about how we should avoid men who are sexist or rapey, now if you were a man, you'd be the exact type of man we are told to avoid!!! Imagine a group of men advising another man to just "take her clothes off" "just start rubbing her between the legs" "sack her off if she won't have sex with you" "she's fridged and probably has small tits LOL"

YOU (and other posters on this post) are the same as those types of men, only you have a vag which doesn't mean it's okay.

He's told you he doesn't want to have sex yet. Either accept that and wait until he is ready, or leave him alone and let him find someone who does respect his wishes.

Honestly, some of you women are no better than the men you supposedly hate.

There was a gender reverse of this a few years ago and the male poster was considered to be a bit of a dick.

Wait, who hates men?

Xpost with last few posts - totally agree.

keepingonrunning

You are not only reading too much into it, but more sadly, also writing way too much about it.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week

I'd say he has an STI. The 'taking it slow' line is a load of bullshit.