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Original poster

In our 30s, he hasn't made a move, sexually frustrated lol

525 replies

Dipsy86 · 14/06/2017 14:10

Been going out with my new boyfriend for over 6 weeks. We have seen each other basically every second day since we met! (we knew each other before, he isn't a stranger, known him since we were teens). We have been on about 3 "proper" dates per week, then coffees and lots of walks in between these dates. So we have seen each other A LOT!!

We definitely have that spark, he constantly tells me how attracted he is to me. He is always holding my hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how amazing I am etc. IT is really lovely. We have kissed a lot too. He is 33, I am 31. But I am now getting extreme sexual frustration lol to the point where it is starting to bug me. There has been ample opportunity for him to "try it on" and he hasn't. He has been at my house multiple times and i often think "this will be the night" lol and it doesn't happen. Instead he will just keep kissing me. He isn't a virgin, has had previous girlfriends, even one night stands (even I haven't had a one night stand lol).

I mentioned it last week and he said "oh we have plenty time to be doing that and get to know each others bodies etc, I don't want to ruin this and am enjoying taking this slow". I then said "you won't ruin it". I am past that stage now lol, I know we are both in this for a relationship. But I am literally at the stage where I can't take it anymore and it is actually awkward now as I am like just make a move on me after 15 minutes of solid kissing.

I mentioned it to some of my friends and each of them said they thought it was really odd, how much we have seen each other and no sexual moves have been made. I do not feel confident enough to make a move on him sexually as in my experience it is usually the guy that would initiate this first. I have laid plenty hints now and he knows how I feel.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week. He said "I want to start this relationship properly". Which is really sweet and I totally respect it. However, naturally I want to rip his clothes off lol.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 14/06/2017 19:13

Sounds like one of my sph clients.

JustAMusing · 14/06/2017 19:18

I'm absolutely with Ratatatouille.

I'm ashamed that women are making some of the suggestions I'm reading on here.

The number of threads I read where a woman is putting off or worrying about sex with a new partner because of a post birth frilly fanny; or fears that she's going to be 'loose' and he won't feel it; or fears about a c section overhang; or stretchmarks; or wobbly bits or cellulite... etc... and the advice is always

"if he's a decent man, he won't care what you look like"
"he'll be so pleased you're going to have sex with him, he won't care what you look like"
"if he doesn't think you're beautiful as you are, he's not worth it"
etc...

and on this thread, there are women mocking and deriding men for having ED or a micropenis etc.

So which is it?

Do decent people care or not? Or are there just a number of not very decent people posting?

Or do they care? In which case we should probably stop telling women that men will be so grateful for their bodies that they will have no standards whatsoever.

Some people posting on here should be ashamed of themselves.

scaryclown · 14/06/2017 19:19

Porn addiction.
Worried about getting it up without aggressive personal hand action and 'scanarios'
Hoping to rediscover getting turned on normally before you notice.

OR
Used to women showing they want it more explicitly.
OR
Nervous

sconebonjovi · 14/06/2017 19:20

Whatever it is I kind of really really want to know!

(Not helpful, sorry)

rightwhine · 14/06/2017 19:31

I hope he's just shy.

HarmlessChap · 14/06/2017 19:32

I reckon either the STI test was positive and he's being treated or he is worried that he's been exposed to HIV and needs a follow up test at 3 months after the possible exposure incident.

purpleprincess24 · 14/06/2017 19:36

Why don't you suggest you go away for the night somewhere?

deffonamechange · 14/06/2017 19:37

Urgh at micropenis???

Imagine if you showed a man you cared about your post birth fanny and he posted urgh??

Some women on here are a disgrace and unbelievably sexist!!

Aquiver · 14/06/2017 19:53

Agree deffo.

I think you do need to talk to him and ask him outright - you are a grown up, don't skirt around the issue.

Maybe something like, "I really, really like you and I want to take this to the next stage, but I feel like you're holding back". If you explain that sex is important to you, then perhaps he will open up.

HildaOg · 14/06/2017 19:56

Some of the replies on here... 🙄 You've only been dating six weeks. I have a couple of friends (male) who like to wait 2-3 months into a relationship before having sex if they really like someone. It's because they have to develop an emotional attachment first, the sex is better and if they have sex without the emotional attachment they instantly lose interest in a woman. So they've had lots of one night stands, a few flings that went nowhere because once they had sex without the attachment they lost interest. To wait means they like and respect you and see you as a long term prospect.

Now in his case it could be that or he may have other issues but don't assume that he must have something seriously wrong with him. Talk to him. Openly.

PsychedelicSheep · 14/06/2017 20:30

Ford what's sph?

I think it's weird. Also, why should he get to dictate the pace, why can't you discuss it between you?

TitsalinaBumSquash · 14/06/2017 20:43

I've known someone similar, he talked a good game about all his previously sexual partners but was holding back when it came to DTD, it turned out he was a virgin and had lied about his past because he thought it made him sound better.

(This wasn't me btw, a friend who had the same this where her new beau wouldn't kick it up a notch)

Keepithidden · 14/06/2017 20:52

Shouldn't it always be the person who doesn't want to DTD that sets the pace? Seems a bit open to sexual assault accusations otherwise.

rainbowstardrops · 14/06/2017 20:53

Are you absolutely certain that he's had previous sexual partners?

PrincessToadinTheHole · 14/06/2017 20:54

At no point has the OP implied she would be sexually assaulting this man Hmm

What she has said is that she most definitely will not be the one to make the next move.

PrincessToadinTheHole · 14/06/2017 20:54

She just wants to know if that may one day be on the cards. God forbid

Keepithidden · 14/06/2017 20:57

I realise that Princess, it was more the ensuing debate. Apologies if you took it that way OP.

JustAMusing · 14/06/2017 21:00

Princess no, she hasn't implied that, but some of the advice has come worryingly close.

It's clear that people who are commenting on it are directing their comments at those people and not the OP.

Barbaro · 14/06/2017 21:23

Some of the replies have been pretty awful.

Op have you considered that maybe he was raped in a previous relationship? It can happen to men too despite what some people think.

Only say that because I was raped by my ex and me and my new boyfriend took it very slow in our relationship. I told him though once we were officially together as I knew he wanted sex but I wasn't ready. After all of our 'dates' and official time it was almost 5 months he waited to have sex. He respected my decision. He didn't beg constantly or keep mentioning it.

No different to your guy if that happened to him. If you aren't capable of following his decision because you're desperate for a shag, break up with him and go find some easy guy in a pub, there's plenty of them. Otherwise, be respectful. You would want the same respect if you didn't want sex. Its no different just because of gender.

rolopolovolo · 14/06/2017 21:23

Waiting 3 months to have sex with someone sounds awful. I don't want to date a man who is that controlling.

OP: if he's someone who needs to wait months then he probably has a low sex drive. Be ready for sporadic terrible sex.

AdalindSchade · 14/06/2017 21:29

Yep. I want a man who is dying to fuck me after one good kiss. Not a man who is so lukewarm he can wait months.

PsychedelicSheep · 14/06/2017 21:40

Exactly.

It would turn me right off.

Violetcharlotte · 14/06/2017 21:44

Sorry to say this, but I too feel he may be a big disappointment when you finally get down too it. I had a bf like this once. Very loving, very touchy feely, but when it came down to doing the deed.....well it was just a bit dull after I'd built myself up into a complete state of sexual frustration.

Poor guy, I feel a bit sorry for him, he sounds sweet, but if he doesn't cut it job the sack, it's not going to work!

VelvetHeart · 14/06/2017 21:46

I had a friend in a similar situation. Met a new bloke but he just wasn't making a move on her. He told her that he'd suffered some nerve damage to his penis a few months earlier when a football hit him in the crotch. She was a bit suspicious but went with it for another few weeks. Eventually they got naked and he had a really small penis only about the size of her thumb and he finally admitted he was still a virgin.

It was really sad. But they stayed together and ended up married as far as I know.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 14/06/2017 21:48

.OP: if he's someone who needs to wait months then he probably has a low sex drive. Be ready for sporadic terrible sex.

You're joking surely!

When DH and I got together we took a bit over six months before having sex. Nothing sporadic or terrible going on in our bedroom (30 years of very frequent, extremely satisfying sex). Sorry if TMI but maybe he genuinely JUST WANTS TO WAIT!