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Original poster

In our 30s, he hasn't made a move, sexually frustrated lol

525 replies

Dipsy86 · 14/06/2017 14:10

Been going out with my new boyfriend for over 6 weeks. We have seen each other basically every second day since we met! (we knew each other before, he isn't a stranger, known him since we were teens). We have been on about 3 "proper" dates per week, then coffees and lots of walks in between these dates. So we have seen each other A LOT!!

We definitely have that spark, he constantly tells me how attracted he is to me. He is always holding my hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how amazing I am etc. IT is really lovely. We have kissed a lot too. He is 33, I am 31. But I am now getting extreme sexual frustration lol to the point where it is starting to bug me. There has been ample opportunity for him to "try it on" and he hasn't. He has been at my house multiple times and i often think "this will be the night" lol and it doesn't happen. Instead he will just keep kissing me. He isn't a virgin, has had previous girlfriends, even one night stands (even I haven't had a one night stand lol).

I mentioned it last week and he said "oh we have plenty time to be doing that and get to know each others bodies etc, I don't want to ruin this and am enjoying taking this slow". I then said "you won't ruin it". I am past that stage now lol, I know we are both in this for a relationship. But I am literally at the stage where I can't take it anymore and it is actually awkward now as I am like just make a move on me after 15 minutes of solid kissing.

I mentioned it to some of my friends and each of them said they thought it was really odd, how much we have seen each other and no sexual moves have been made. I do not feel confident enough to make a move on him sexually as in my experience it is usually the guy that would initiate this first. I have laid plenty hints now and he knows how I feel.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week. He said "I want to start this relationship properly". Which is really sweet and I totally respect it. However, naturally I want to rip his clothes off lol.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 14/06/2017 14:28

If he only got checked last week his results wontbe back yet - maybe he knows he is at risk of a positive result for something? Did you offer to get checked too? Maybe he hates condoms and wants to wait til you are both all cleared so they aren't needed?

MrsJamesMathews · 14/06/2017 14:29

Presumably he gets hard when you're kissing? Don't you touch him or rub up against him?

Sorry to get graphic. I'm struggling to understand how it's possible to not take it any further.

MumBod · 14/06/2017 14:30

Maybe have a conversation with him. Just ask what's going on.

Original poster
Dipsy86 · 14/06/2017 14:30

Justmadeperfectflapjacks - I have been tested, all negative

MrsJamesMathews - seriously it is so awkward now, and because he has said things like "theres plenty time for that" I feel like I shouldn't touch him hahaha

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 14/06/2017 14:30

OK, so does he stay over at yours? All night?

MrsJamesMathews · 14/06/2017 14:31

I think you need to have a serious chat with him. If there's something you're worried about, either size or an STI, you need to know.

Tell him straight, this is a big deal for you and is making you question your relationship. (Even if it's not)

Guiltypleasures001 · 14/06/2017 14:32

Actually I probably would walk in naked and literally say you wanna fuck or what, if he still stands there like a lemon, then I'de dump.

Guiltypleasures001 · 14/06/2017 14:34

I'm not known for my tact when it comes to sex sorry 🤔

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 14/06/2017 14:34

Create a make or break scenario. .
Be prepared for it to go tits up but at least you will know where you stand. .
Would be climbing the walls!!

rainbowstardrops · 14/06/2017 14:35

I'm wondering if it's something to do with the clinic tests. Otherwise it's just a bit weird. Try having a little grope while you're on your marathon snogging session and see how he reacts.
To be honest, it doesn't sound like the relationship is progressing

MumBod · 14/06/2017 14:36

I think 'tits up' is the aim, flapjacks Grin

Original poster
Dipsy86 · 14/06/2017 14:46

Hahaahah! still laughing at this but inside I am cringeing.

I think you are all correct, the relationship isn't progressing in the correct way. I mean, he has had one night stands etc, yet a girl he really likes (he has been practically saying he loves me), and can't do the deed with me? At the three week mark after 6 dates, i was ready to take it to the next step!

He has said the STI tests were negative.

OP posts:
DerelictWreck · 14/06/2017 14:49

I don't understand what the problem is? Why does he have to 'make a move'???

Surely things just progress based on BOTH of you? If you're kissing and want more, move it on to the next stage!

Bestseller2017 · 14/06/2017 14:49

Are you spending the whole night together in bed?

PrincessToadinTheHole · 14/06/2017 14:50

It's the years of marriage that would make me quite enjoy the constant snogging mrsjames! Grin I miss all that, can't remember the last time I wasn't up against a clock with a 4 year old banging in the door for breakfast

Original poster
Dipsy86 · 14/06/2017 14:50

Nope he hasn't stayed over yet either!!! lol he also wants me to meet his parents this week. Im just like noooooo get naked first please

OP posts:
PrincessToadinTheHole · 14/06/2017 14:52

Text him and ask him if tonight's the night, if he says no, ask why. If he says "we can wait" let him know that you actually can't.

computerscream · 14/06/2017 14:53

Really really weird. Almost hard to believe!

PrincessToadinTheHole · 14/06/2017 14:53

He is scared once you have seen his very large and very dexterous penis you'll be too drunk with lust to see him anyway but sexually.

Maybe.

Ellisandra · 14/06/2017 14:57

You said you get bored on th dates now because they don't lead to sex?
Frustrated, yes.
But if you really mean bored then you should be splitting up with him.
If he can't maintain your interest now, what's the point?

I think he's given you an answer - he wants to take it slowly. I know people are having a laugh here, but actually some of the advice here is quite pushy. That's not fair on him when he has told you he wants to go slowly. I don't think you should try to persuade him - I think you should tell him you're frustrated and ask if it's only about taking it slowly, and ask if he's able to tell you what that means.

You really shouldn't be expecting him to make the move though, come on!

I certainly wouldn't be meeting the parents until I'd checked out sexual compatibly though!

UserLotsOfNumbers · 14/06/2017 14:58

Have you seen The 40 Year old Virgin?
Don't marry him to have sex though.....

monkeyfacegrace · 14/06/2017 14:58

I couldn't put up with this. I was fucking DH within 2 hours of very first meeting him Grin

Can't you kiss, while doing that undo his trousers and drop to your knees. That's probably what I'd do!

Imagine falling in love then finding out he was shit in bed

CiliatedEpithelium · 14/06/2017 14:59

I suspect he has a very low sex drive OP. All this talk of ONS's etc. may be true but he could still have a low sex drive. At best he is piss poor at reading people and situations.

alltalknobaby · 14/06/2017 15:00

Maybe he is put off by all the lol-ing

JaneEyre70 · 14/06/2017 15:01

I hate to sound mean, but after 6 weeks and no sexual contact, I'd say he's not that into you. Whatever his reasons are, I think you need to be proactive here and say to him you don't want a platonic relationship, you're not 15 anymore and is there an issue going on. Life's too short to be snogging a guy you really like and it never going further.......... it sounds awful for you.