In our 30s, he hasn't made a move, sexually frustrated lol

[Dipsy86]

Been going out with my new boyfriend for over 6 weeks. We have seen each other basically every second day since we met! (we knew each other before, he isn't a stranger, known him since we were teens). We have been on about 3 "proper" dates per week, then coffees and lots of walks in between these dates. So we have seen each other A LOT!!

We definitely have that spark, he constantly tells me how attracted he is to me. He is always holding my hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how amazing I am etc. IT is really lovely. We have kissed a lot too. He is 33, I am 31. But I am now getting extreme sexual frustration lol to the point where it is starting to bug me. There has been ample opportunity for him to "try it on" and he hasn't. He has been at my house multiple times and i often think "this will be the night" lol and it doesn't happen. Instead he will just keep kissing me. He isn't a virgin, has had previous girlfriends, even one night stands (even I haven't had a one night stand lol).

I mentioned it last week and he said "oh we have plenty time to be doing that and get to know each others bodies etc, I don't want to ruin this and am enjoying taking this slow". I then said "you won't ruin it". I am past that stage now lol, I know we are both in this for a relationship. But I am literally at the stage where I can't take it anymore and it is actually awkward now as I am like just make a move on me after 15 minutes of solid kissing.

I mentioned it to some of my friends and each of them said they thought it was really odd, how much we have seen each other and no sexual moves have been made. I do not feel confident enough to make a move on him sexually as in my experience it is usually the guy that would initiate this first. I have laid plenty hints now and he knows how I feel.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week. He said "I want to start this relationship properly". Which is really sweet and I totally respect it. However, naturally I want to rip his clothes off lol.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

Its the not knowing that would drive me batty. There is a small but real chance that he is a nice guy who is just afraid. Maybe he loved his first girlfriend but was too pushy for sex, she broke it off saying she felt raped...he was totally devastated by this idea, traumatized by the break up. He decides to always let the woman make the first move. They rarely do. He ends up with no real relationship again. With each passing year he feels more insecure about himself, more afraid to be alone, be a bad lover...along comes Dipsy, so beautiful and kind. He can't believe his luck. And he's just terrified of fucking it up. So he is waiting and waiting to feel confident enough to try, all the while hoping Dipsy will help him out and make the first move.

The point is, we just don't know. Dipsy needs to clearly tell him she is not enjoying taking it slow, it makes her feel like there is a big problem because she doesn't why he wants to take it slow, and the lack of communication about it is driving her into friend zone.

Ok op really sexual frustration after only this long try being me my husband hasn't screwed me in 5 years yes 5 years with no sex now that's frustrating

"you're such a beautiful person inside and out and I'll always be here for you" tbh I'd dump anyway who trotted out such awful old clichés!

I agree with the guy few posts up - so much analysis and scenarios.
Just ask, talk to him again.
And don't let him off the hook - if he says - 'want to take it slow' - ask him what he means by slow.
Also - don't just ask - tell him how it all makes you wonder, doubt yourself and pushes you away.

If that doesn't work, NOT the immediate deed after that, mind you - but if he doesn't manage to open up and talk about something that bothers you this much - then, I am adraid, there is no hope.

I'd definitely talk to him again. Ask him at what point he imagines taking things a bit further. Then see if that suits you.

Is this him

I think I would like to say to OP - be very careful.

I say that because this sounds like the start of a (currently low level) cycle of abuse. The minute you said 'I'm going home I'm too tired' when you did get back home he multiple texted you with more love bombing, mentioning butterflies (just to give a hint that actually there might have been some actual sexual feelings (which I doubt there were)).

I say be careful because I think he's done quite a good job on you so far. You've had several excellent opportunities to tell him - "Either we shag tonight or it's over" or "Just what EXACTLY is the problem with us having sex". You've ducked it several times now. Why?

You need to understand why that is. My fear is that you will continue engaging putting up with this bullshit and this will just go on and on and on and on and on ......

Read most of this thread with interest, having been in similar position, I struggled to communicate about it too... but eventually did ( a lot longer than 6 weeks) over text rather than face to face. Then he said he had wanted to talk to about it too, but was struggling with how to bring it up....I went round, and he talked, a lot, and really tried to explain, and to reassure me, and he knew that it meant I might leave him.
It turned out it was major anxiety, a low sex drive and potential ED...he thought...but he was willing to work on it, and had been to the doctor.
As time went on, and we got closer it wasn't a problem any more, sex is great. It's six months on, and we are in love and really happy.

I'm shocked at people being so willing to get rid at 6 weeks! That's no time at all to get to know someone and to feel comfortable, though I know it spends how much you like the person...and if it's causing more stress than joy then definitely move on!
As for the penis size comments, sounds very awkward and juvenile, I suspect trying to reassure that he is indeed sexual rather than asexual albeit in a crude and childish way.
It depends how much you like him, OP, and how patient you can be.
Only you know if his other qualities outweigh the waiting. If at any stage the relationship is making you sad, or doubt yourself, then you'd need to address that one way or another, by either forcing the conversation to gain more understanding to make an informed decision, or leaving him because it isn't worth the time.

Also, why BengalGal said really resonated, a different take on it.

"Of course he's being nice- it's his way of apologising for not really being in the relationship."
^^ this

This is a dysfunctional relationship OP. You know what you need to do. Good luck!

I agree with Pollyanna. Lovebombing generally isn't normal behaviour in any scenario.

Buz - I guess your situation shows that these things can be worked on and resolved. But the OP's guy is not willing to open up. It's possible he himself doesn't even know the reason.

Op, you need to just say to him that unless we move on to the next stage in this relationship then I'm sorry but it has to end.

You're not getting much, if anything, out of it so why flog a dead horse?

It's all the walking and late night coffees that are odd too. Like he is avoiding being in a situation where he will have to get his kit off. Why not a film or a takeaway and a glass of wine at yours?

Hothothot I thought that too. Who goes out for coffee in an evening with their girlfriend when one of them at least has a home you can go to? Unless he feels bad that he can't reciprocate and invite you bacl because of his parents.

Lol tinsel I thought of sheldon too! But at least sheldon was always upfront about not wanting to have sex with Amy!

Have you met any of his friends yet?

Bengal she raised the subject but he ducked the question so as you say she should ask again and not let him off the hook.

Love bombing, cycle of narcissistic abuse etc: puh-leease. They're both grown ups. The guy sounds about as abusive as an insecure puppy and his insecurity is reflected in these flowery texts, which would be grounds for dumping in themselves for some people, but that's a whole other thread.

Does he have any strong religious views and not believe in sex before marriage. Is he a born again Christian who's had sex but when he become a Christian decided he wants to wait for marriage. (I've dated one). He liked going for coffee on a Saturday night!!!

I agree with others. My stbxh has always had issues with premature ejaculation. If he managed 4 thrusts that would be as good as it got. Over the years (16 we were together) it completely eroded my sex drive towards him. He has not met anybody new yet but I do wonder how he will be able to have a fulfilling sex life with somebody else.

'They're both grown ups' - what does that have to do with N abuse?

OP. Nothing anyone hasn't already said. I think you need to have a frank conversation with him.

You now have two choices:

1 Don't see him again. if he phones or whatever, say you don't want to carry on seeing him. If he asks why you will have to tell him.

2 Arrange to see him at a place on your terms where you can talk. And follow the advice here. No need to be nasty or confrontational, accusing etc. Just talk from the heart about how you are puzzled, upset etc. If he avoids the questions, either give up and walk away, or insist he's honest with you.

All this pussy footing around the issue- which is what you are doing- is just a waste of life. Unless you are so besotted you want to keep him at any price and are terrified of it ending?

Why has he been to a gym clinic???

*gum clinic

He 'said' he'd been to the GUM clinic to check he was 'ok' after having had (supposedly) some one night stands. But who knows? More likely to be part of the whole fantasy about having big cock he insists on boasting about.