In our 30s, he hasn't made a move, sexually frustrated lol

[Dipsy86]

Been going out with my new boyfriend for over 6 weeks. We have seen each other basically every second day since we met! (we knew each other before, he isn't a stranger, known him since we were teens). We have been on about 3 "proper" dates per week, then coffees and lots of walks in between these dates. So we have seen each other A LOT!!

We definitely have that spark, he constantly tells me how attracted he is to me. He is always holding my hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how amazing I am etc. IT is really lovely. We have kissed a lot too. He is 33, I am 31. But I am now getting extreme sexual frustration lol to the point where it is starting to bug me. There has been ample opportunity for him to "try it on" and he hasn't. He has been at my house multiple times and i often think "this will be the night" lol and it doesn't happen. Instead he will just keep kissing me. He isn't a virgin, has had previous girlfriends, even one night stands (even I haven't had a one night stand lol).

I mentioned it last week and he said "oh we have plenty time to be doing that and get to know each others bodies etc, I don't want to ruin this and am enjoying taking this slow". I then said "you won't ruin it". I am past that stage now lol, I know we are both in this for a relationship. But I am literally at the stage where I can't take it anymore and it is actually awkward now as I am like just make a move on me after 15 minutes of solid kissing.

I mentioned it to some of my friends and each of them said they thought it was really odd, how much we have seen each other and no sexual moves have been made. I do not feel confident enough to make a move on him sexually as in my experience it is usually the guy that would initiate this first. I have laid plenty hints now and he knows how I feel.

He even told me he had even been to the gum clinic last week. He said "I want to start this relationship properly". Which is really sweet and I totally respect it. However, naturally I want to rip his clothes off lol.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

What time tonight so we know when to expect an update???

Assume he won't be staying over?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks I'm glad you said that first

I'm imagining this thread written with reversed sexes.... and then imagining the replies also with reversed sexes... nope, don't think it would quite work this way...

Whatever his issue the fact is you can't communicate with him. That doesn't bode well for the relationship.
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@Umpteenthnamechange

I'm imagining this thread or any thread making it to the end without someone making tedious comparisons with imaginary scenarios and wilfully ignoring the many differences there are when the sexes are reversed in this situation.

Women are raped, murdered, coerced and abused by men every day. That's why it's different.

If you find these comparisons tedious the tire yourself not. I still stand by what I said, the daughter of a professor of feminist literature, and a critical social scientist academic myself. What you describe is beyond doubt, beyond discussion, so doesn't need saying to me, and indeed shouldn't need saying to anyone at all.

If your potential DP has bedroom problems, then all sympathy to him.

But the whole "i'll have sex with you all in good time, but can I remind you in the meantime just how well endowed I am" act is just ... eurghh.

Run for the hills OP!

Hope there's some progress this evening OP. keep us updated

What you describe is beyond doubt, beyond discussion, so doesn't need saying to me, and indeed shouldn't need saying to anyone

Precisely. You clearly understand the difference when the sexes are reversed. So why the tedious comparisons?

Hiya everyone!! So met him tonight for a walk . We basically chatted away again as usual. He was hugging me, taking my hand and saying he had missed me the past 4 days! he asked what I was doing after the walk I said oh nothing you? He suggested going somewhere for a coffee and I said seriously I'm too tired!!! I think this will just keep going this way until he feels it's time to DTD. Who knows. I am just backing off now.

He sounds like he genuinely likes you but doesn't want to take it any further.

He might be gay, straight, anxious, concerned about physical potency, but the fact is he isn't communicating with you.

I think his probably gay.

Did he mentioned if the one night stands had been with woman?

Why does he want to go for a coffee on Saturday night? Not a nice little bar somewhere, set the mood?

So are you back home alone now? I wouldn't just back off. Tell him you want a sexual relationship and if he isn't willing or able it will have to end.

He wants to wait and you don't, so it isn't right.

I'd just tell him straight you are looking for a sexual relationship and you're not sure it'll work out between you as that's not what he wants. Then back off.

To be honest im glad I'm home now as im exhausted today.

Now I start to feel bad. He actually messaged me about ten mins ago saying tonight when I saw you I had actual butterflies. Then he said "you're such a beautiful person inside and out and I'll always be here for you".

I just don't understand this. After all the sociopathic/narss love bombing stuff I actually feel a bit freaked out now. Lol.

I do feel bad though as I genuinely think he is a decent guy but my god we are miles away from DTD.

I would now tell him that he's a nice guy but that the two of you want different things and it will be better not to carry this on any further.

Please find the strength to end this.
You just aren't on the same page.

After 6 weeks you should be tearing each other's clothes off or at least having 'comfy' sex.

I think he is gay or has issues around sex, as I've said before on this thread.

Of course he's being nice- it's his way of apologising for not really being in the relationship.

And you did say you would try to talk to him. Every single post here said the same thing: talk, talk, talk.

You've avoided it so you are both equally to blame for the stalemate.

Sorry but this is a non starter.

Bloke here. There is some serious over-analysis going on above. The guy may be gay, narcissistic, have a virgin multiplex, ED, STD, USB or all 6. You can't have any real idea because you haven't even asked why he isn't interested in sex. The answer will probably point to some major problem, but there could be an innocent explanation. Speculation is entertaining but if you don't ask you won't find out.

The jokes about his todger are naff but no real evidence of anything either.

Someblonde- I haven't rtwt but that was my thought exactly.

Sorry if it's been covered already but there's 17 pages - How did it come about that he'd been to the gum clinic and did he say what it was for? Not exactly what you'd bring up over sandwiches is it?!

Seriously you haven't actually spoken to him about it yet????

Why didn't you just come out and say it? You're both as bad as each other for communication.

Seriously just stop pissing around and tell him or dump him. Or are you secretly enjoying the drama of this thread?

She's tried to ask him. Asked if he had a low sex drive, he said no, why, she said because no sex yet, he said we have all the time and I like going slow. If I remember correctly he made the same explanation when she asked directly why only kissing...he doesn't say anything more.

'I'll always be here for you' sounds like an acknowledgement that it's kind of over.