Need to cancel my wedding, can't be with my partner anymore :-( hand hold please

[user1497035637]

As the title says. I have no one to talk too so I'm on here. Supposed to be getting married in July. All booked and paid for by my family.

Tonight I have found out my partner has been gambling our money away - our savings. When I told him I knew he treated me like crap. He turned into the most vile person. He hasn't harmed me physically.

I can't be with him anymore, this isn't the person I was going to marry. I'm in so much shock by his outburst. It led me to have a panic attack to which he replied 'for fucks sale, get up off the floor'

We have no dcs together. House is rented but thankfully just in my name. No joint finances either apart from a loan.

I just need a hand hold. This morning I loved him so much. Tonight I am the opposite and pretty shocked.

As for his gambling habit. I have always known he has had a previous problem. He's always insisted it was under control. This is a first relapse - that I know of. I have no experience with gambling either.

When I found out, I was very understanding and calm. I showed him no anger. I felt sorry for him to be honest. And he's treated me like this.

I might fall asleep as I'm so drained but i have no one to talk too and this is going to be a long road ahead :-( I'm devastated x

(((massive hug)))

My sister went through this and it was absolutely devastating.

Don't ever, ever think that you've made a mistake though. You've absolutely done the right thing, and the only thing you could.

I have no advice, I am so sorry for all you are going through, someone will be along with all you need to know soon I just couldn't read and run

Wow. What a shock

But you can get on with your life with a clean break. What a lucky escape

You're doing the right thing. It'll be awful and awkward at the time but so much better than down the line. Your family will understand.

He'll always be an addict, run for the hills.

Thank you xxxxx

I just don't know what to say. I need my mum but she's not around tonight and I don't want to spoil her evening.

I'm just so tried but I know I won't sleep cos my brain won't switch off

You're really brave and 100% doing the right thing.

Do you have a plan for leaving/breaking it off? Make sure you have some support incase it all goes sideways and you feel unsafe.

Have you changed your name?

It's good that you found out before you were married. But it must be so hard. Well done for facing it now. MN is here for you, feel free to say whatever you need to.

An ex of mine was a gambler. His own mum told me to leave. She said did I want to live my life wondering if the rent had been paid. I didn't...and left.

His next wife wasn't as lucky. Their house was repossessed when she'd just had their baby.

Break free while you can

You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Much easier to cancel a wedding than to get divorced.

If you can't sleep find the softest pillow and blanket that you can and snuggle down with a hot drink.
. You are amazing

I cancelled a wedding a few months before. I can honestly say I've never regretted it. My family were really supportive-I'm sure yours will be too when they hear what's been going on. It's much cheaper and easier than divorcing, not to mention much less stressful and emotionally awful.

I'm so sorry, OP, but thank goodness you found out now, before you tied yourself legally to him.

I really hope you can see this as a lucky escape someday soon.

Good luck, OP.

Thank you xxxx

And no to whoever asked me if I had changed my name, I have just joined this tonight xxx

I hate to say this but his life is just wasted. He's going to end up with absolutely nothing.

Like I say, the gambling I could of possibly helped him through but I know it would of been very very hard.

But to be spoken to like that when I've done nothing....I know I'm worth more than that. He's disgusting. Omg he's absolutely awful, I know I've had a lucky escape. I'm going through all the emotions here x

You'll be doing the right thing long term by cancelling your wedding. Someone close to me is married to a gambling addict and it's a lifetime of misery and let downs. She told me all trust is gone from their relationship. He'll be fine for a while then she finds out he's selling their children's things, having to remortgage their home, secret credit cards etc. And he'll make it sound like it's "not really his fault" because he has an addiction and refuse to take proper responsibility to make himself feel less guilty. I know the picture you had of what your life was going to be like has just been torn up but that life was an illusion. He can't give you a lifetime of support, respect and stability which is what you need in a successful marriage. Xx

Thank fuck this happened before the wedding, although I'm sorry it happened.

Call your parents, tell them about the gambling then exploding, tell you can't live your life this way. If speaking to parents feels daunting then tell your best friend first.

(((hugs))) stay strong.

Thank goodness you found out before the wedding. Please talk to your parents, they love you and will want to help.

You are all spot on, thank you. This is a great support network. I just needed a hug from one one and now I feel like I've had one so thank you.

The next step is telling my parents whilst not letting that massive twat get into my head when he's ready to talk about it. I know I won't. I'm so grateful for all these messages as this is what I needed to see. I need you all to tell me to stay strong and what a lucky escape I've had. I'm very lucky really as devastated and numb as I feel right now xxxxxx

Be strong. Don't go back to him if he promises you the earth. Take care.

Have you asked him to leave the house yet?

The next few months will be hard but once you're over that you'll be glad you didn't end up married to him.

This must be devastating for you, I'm so sorry. Take courage, you will get through this.

Where is he tonight?

Sending you hugs. It might feel shit right now his gambling isn't going to get any better without him wanting to and seeking help and his outbursts will get worse.
My mums ex partner got into gambling and went from a really nice bloke to one who threatened my then 15 year old brother with violence and then came at me fists flying when I tried to intervene (one of many horrible incidents). All because he had lost over £30k that day (yes he really did lose that much in 1 day). He lost his house, his job, his car everything and made life for all us miserable.
You are aboslutely doing the right thing, he will just bring you more misery and heartache over time.
In terms of practicalities over cancelling the plans, is there anyone who can help you with this? Contacting vendors of your behalf or just being there with you when you cancel things?

Do you realise you've used two different names here?

You've just had the best lucky break of your life, unlike the addict you thought you knew. I am so sorry for you, what a hideous thing to happen.