Need to cancel my wedding, can't be with my partner anymore :-( hand hold please

[user1497035637]

As the title says. I have no one to talk too so I'm on here. Supposed to be getting married in July. All booked and paid for by my family.

Tonight I have found out my partner has been gambling our money away - our savings. When I told him I knew he treated me like crap. He turned into the most vile person. He hasn't harmed me physically.

I can't be with him anymore, this isn't the person I was going to marry. I'm in so much shock by his outburst. It led me to have a panic attack to which he replied 'for fucks sale, get up off the floor'

We have no dcs together. House is rented but thankfully just in my name. No joint finances either apart from a loan.

I just need a hand hold. This morning I loved him so much. Tonight I am the opposite and pretty shocked.

As for his gambling habit. I have always known he has had a previous problem. He's always insisted it was under control. This is a first relapse - that I know of. I have no experience with gambling either.

When I found out, I was very understanding and calm. I showed him no anger. I felt sorry for him to be honest. And he's treated me like this.

I might fall asleep as I'm so drained but i have no one to talk too and this is going to be a long road ahead :-( I'm devastated x

Yep savings are sorted - that was my first job as is the bank account which is now empty with the money safely in my bank. Thankfully he never touched that money.

I honestly just can't wait for my mum to come home. She keeps texting me and I'm replying all happy like everything is normal but I don't know what else to do to be honest. Once she is back I'll be able to process this all properly get her things cancelled, I really don't think I can do it without her support.

The next step is packing all his things up which won't take long to be honest. It's just going to be very hard and it's something I need to do myself rather than him come and do it. I just don't know about the tv cos that it is his but it's fixed to the wall which I can't take down myself.....dunno about that one

I'm hating the bed empty and him not being there :-(

Hes suggested relationship counselling instead of Gambers Anonymous because he wants you to be partly responsible for his behaviour.

He dosnt want to take responsibility for his own actions. Otherwise he would have suggested GA.

He has no intention of stopping the gambling.

Slidey honey I think you should tell your mum. The memory of her happy holiday is going to be ruined anyways once you tell her and she realises that she was off enjoying herself while you were in agony. And she will want to know and will want to be there to support you - I know if one of my DD's was going through this I would want to be at her side. It's lovely of you to be thinking of her happiness and being so unselfish, but you are really going through a massively stressful and awful experience right now (as if I need to tell you that) and need all the support you can get.

Slidey, I don't think he's done a u-turn at all. I think he's confirmed what I expected a few pages back: he finished with you in the hope you'd beg forgiveness, he has now seen that hasn't happened, so he is telling you he can't lose you. He's shocked by your resilience and strength, so is saying all the right things.

And nail on the head to the pp who said it should be gambling addiction support not relationship counselling, this is him, he can't make this a joint problem.

A friend of mine filed for divorce due to finding out her husband of twenty years had gambling away their savings, the mortgage was in arrears, there were loans she knew nothing about, They separated for a year, he turned it around, they sorted it and they reconciled. But she's not happy, she doesn't trust him and is constantly waiting for him to slip. She looks after all the finances, everything. Hides money gives him an allowance, he never has twenty quid to pop to get food from Tesco's because she says its close to Corals. That's no marriage, no way to live, but she had their kids to consider.

If you want a future with him, you're looking at similar, there will be triggers, you will be constantly worried.

You can do better than that, surely?

Sorry I should of wrote more here - he suggested both counselling for gambling AND relationship counselling. Just to be clear there.

However this is all bollocks I know, like everyone says he's just saying what I want to hear, I'm not daft. He thought sending a text saying I love you would be enough to sort it lol x

slidey he shouldnt be suggesting relationship counselling AT ALL.

He needs to be responsible for his own actions. Hes not willing to be though.

He knows damn well we live in a society that makes women responsible for mens behaviour. And hes trying to take advantage of this. Thats why he suggested Relate.

Totally HelenaDove. I just want this over and get my life back on track x

slidey you are being so strong With all your heart you will want to believe him, but your head knows it bollox the script. well done.
He is a gambler, it is a life long battle. He may want to quit, but it's a massive gamble, at any time it might go belly up.
You do NOT need that menace over your head for life.
You may well love him, but actually, YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT TOO.
This from someone who refused the love of her life. (He is a functioning alcoholic.)

Slidey, I just wanted to say that I am glad you are the way you are, though I am so sorry you are going through this.

Excluding himself from bookies won't stop his gambling problem - it's too easy to access online gambling. He needs proper, targeted help to deal with that specific problem.

Please dont marry him Op....i got divorced 3 years ago....it was one of the most painful things ive ever gone through...it dragged on and on and cost me a fortune.....get out now whilst you still can x

Agree with everyone saying he's telling you what you want to here. There are a raft of things he can do to stop his access to gambling dead in its tracks and while counselling and GA (and I note he hasn't suggested that) are among them there are things which would have a far more immediate effect.
Self exclusion is worthwhile but it's one of the less effective barriers. While it's right to suggest it the very best barrier would be to hand over control of his finances and make himself accountable to someone else but he hasn't suggested that because he wants to leave himself a loophole.

They can arrest this. They can live a normal life but they have to want it with every fibre of their being and then keep on wanting it for the rest of their lives. They will lie even to themselves that they are doing everything possible but without even the most basic of measures in place they are ripe for relapse on a whim.

hear