I have seriously hurt DH - What do I do?

[HannahWayes]

Haven't seen DH for a week (long time for us), he's back from business hunting over seas and we were thrilled to be together again, as always.

Lovely dinner, etc etc. I went to the loo and popped back to see he was on my iPad. He was on my FB and saw my ex pop up in recent searches. His facial expression looked hurt. I asked what was wrong and he said "you tell me, or better yet, have a look for yourself".

I did and the page was on my recent searches. Gulp.

I cannot believe I was silly enough to do this, and even worse, leave it around in full view for him to see. I'm devastated.

I searched my ex today out of curiosity. I wondered what he must be doing now. I have no feelings for him, but his existence passed my mind in fleeting today and I searched him.

I'm pregnant with DH's child. I love him and would put my life on the line for him and this baby. He is everything to me.

Where do I go from here? Should he LTB?

I told DH I'm so sorry if it's hurt you and I really do mean it. He said "well it's all just bollocks. Go have your bath you were running".

I'm in tears here in the bath. I don't know what I've done.

As for the FB searching, he wasn't snooping. He doesn't have FB and uses mine to search for his brother/sister and see what his nieces and nephews are up to.

Isn't that what Facebook is for? Looking up exs and being smug about how they look now?

Oh god yes.

I have 2 exes that don't fit that though. One has matured into a gorgeous silver fox. Still a bit of a dick though, and one who I just can't seem to track down. Bastard. How can I stalk you and gloat have no presence online.

If you were searching an ex with a real regularity that would be worrying. But this? Your DH is being an arse.

Stop apologising (yy to 'tortured guilt') and tell him to get a grip.

Hopefully the light of day will see you both a bit calmer.

Fuck me you both need a serious grip - this is pathetic!

And to top it all off the cheeky bugger has taken one of the main pillows, so I can't complete my fresh sheets look. Agh

This all sounds very odd and he sounds massively insecure. You have not seen, spoken or even contacted your ex partner. Your Dh is behaving like you've slept with him!!
I'd be getting a bit pissed off if I was you. Does he not love and trust the mother of his child?
You've done very little (if anything) wrong.

FACEBOOK?, ROOT OF ALL EVIL AND DOMESTIC DISTRESS

DH was at his parents, with DS, for a weekend while I was pregnant after Christmas and I had a happy evening searching for lots of people I used to know on FB and Twitter and Linkedin including ex partners. Just curiosity. nothing else.

Some very good points have been raised.

DH is a Mumsnetter too

Part of me hopes he has a nose on here tonight. He never posts anything though

this is all terribly dramatic

is he projecting a guilty conscience here?

Isn't he doing the same thing? Looking up other people when he's not on Facebook himself? For nosiness sake?

Does he have form for over-reacting to minor issues like this?

Tell him to keep off your iPad & off of your FB account. If he wants to use FB then open his own. Controlling git. You looked up an ex, you didn't meet up in secret.

Stop all this 'hurt' shit and tell him to stop being such a twat.

However, if he was already in bed when you started on with changing the sheets you deserve all you get.

Am I missing something here?

Or is your DH as controlling and sulky as he seems? He seems to have you convinced you've actually done something wrong here - worse, something hurtful and unforgivable.

You've done nothing wrong whatsoever! You were nosy and looked someone up. So? Are you not allowed to do something everyone else here admits they do without a thought? Why not? What else aren't you allowed to do without sulking and melodrama?

Three Yes but I suppose is his own mind, these people he searches have no possible consequences to his relationship with me.

Perhaps he feels EX will steal me back or something.. despite my dislike for him, and not wishing to cross paths with him again

You looked up a profile you didn't sleep with ex

I'd worry that you've jumped from the frying pan into the fire and it's showing itself now you are pregnant huge danger time for any woman

Jesus wept. Is there anywhere he doesn't stalk you? He's starting to sound very controlling.

Jesus op, I read your title and thought you had done something seriously wrong- like had an affair, told him you hated his child (if he had one), or wishes his mother were dead.

You looked up an ex on Facebook. Who cares?

And you kicked him out of bed to change the filthy sheets? Couldn't that have been done before he got into bed, or waited until tomorrow?

It's all so distraught. Who cares?

tbd if i was in bed and dh tried to get me out to change the sheets i would probably strop off to another bed.

in fact i think that's probably worse than having looked up your ex on Facebook

but i'm wondering how the pair of you will cope if something serious happened

I've seriously never seen him so hurt. I want to try and understand it.

He's not usually a controlling person. He never does anything remotely like that. This seems very jealous ridden though.

Honestly, who'd want me and my football bump and leaky breasts?

Come now, DH. This is no time for me to start an affair, even if I was that sort of vile person

God all this angst and soul searching and hurt and devastation. You both sound like a pair of teenagers!

Does he always act like this every time he deems you've done something wrong?

Favourite no he doesn't. And I'm quite dizzy so do a lot of things wrong/incorrectly

Not sure what's going on.

For example, we both share pictures of famous people we find attractive and we usually always agree.

No, we aren't bisexual. But we know good looking people when we see them. I love it, all the woman DH finds attractive are very beautiful in my eyes too.

He is always liking Holly Willougby's pics, maybe I should have words about that and ask why he keeps following models

I won't ask because I don't care!

Oh I honestly think it's no big deal!

I'm happily married, DD is coming up to 4 & me & DH have been together 10 years.

I search BXH's Facebook about once a fortnight, that of the girlfriend he had following me, his new wife & his brother & SIL about once a fortnight for no other reason than that I'm a nosey bitch!!

My ex would have hit the roof if he'd seen me looking up other men on FB , which is why he's an ex . Jealousy in a relationship is horrible for both parties, one always spying on the other and one having to watch what they do and say all the time.

Is he the jealous type Op or is he using this as a convenient excuse to sulk and have a row because of something else ?