I have seriously hurt DH - What do I do?

[HannahWayes]

Haven't seen DH for a week (long time for us), he's back from business hunting over seas and we were thrilled to be together again, as always.

Lovely dinner, etc etc. I went to the loo and popped back to see he was on my iPad. He was on my FB and saw my ex pop up in recent searches. His facial expression looked hurt. I asked what was wrong and he said "you tell me, or better yet, have a look for yourself".

I did and the page was on my recent searches. Gulp.

I cannot believe I was silly enough to do this, and even worse, leave it around in full view for him to see. I'm devastated.

I searched my ex today out of curiosity. I wondered what he must be doing now. I have no feelings for him, but his existence passed my mind in fleeting today and I searched him.

I'm pregnant with DH's child. I love him and would put my life on the line for him and this baby. He is everything to me.

Where do I go from here? Should he LTB?

I told DH I'm so sorry if it's hurt you and I really do mean it. He said "well it's all just bollocks. Go have your bath you were running".

I'm in tears here in the bath. I don't know what I've done.

As for the FB searching, he wasn't snooping. He doesn't have FB and uses mine to search for his brother/sister and see what his nieces and nephews are up to.

He's being ridiculous, I search people all the time cos I'm a nosy Parker. Means nothing.

DH isn't one of them

Are you sure about that? His actions in this instance suggest otherwise. First, he could easily have his own FB account. Not having one conveniently gives him an excuse to use yours and keep tabs on you. Second, you look up your ex? So what. It's nothing, yet he's severely guilt tripping you. Tel, me how that's not the actions of a controller? Personally, my wife can look up her ex all she wants. She can even talk to him if she wants. Her choice. I trust her. Your OH has no reason not to trust you, does he?

I also don't see what the big deal is. Total overreaction.

He's over reacted. I look up my exes now and again because I once cared about them, shared part of my life with them at one point and because ultimately I'm a nosy cow!

You can only apologise so much don't tie yourself in knots about it as you haven't actually done anything wrong!

Have I got de ja vu? Isn't there another thread just like this?!

I'm always looking up my ex husband. It kills me that he appears absolutely nowhere and I wonder if he died. It is all just total nosiness though as he was an arse and a waste of ten years of my life. My second husband is a dream! It's just what people do. Best go clear my search history....

I'm "friends" with a number of exes on Facebook and Instagram and we occasionally like each other's stuff, and I sometimes search one of my exes (who I'm not friends with) out of curiosity because I'm nosy and because I want to know that I'm doing better than him Seriously though, this really shouldn't be made into a bigger deal than it actually is. Yes he may be a little hurt but if you haven't contacted this ex then it shouldn't be a dumpable offence. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Dear God. You FB searched an ex. You didn't fck him.

You need to look up the word 'seriously'

I have been known to search for my psychopath ex from thirty years ago. Just to gloat about the fact he's still unmarried and hasn't risen up the rankings he should have done with the degree he has out of curiosity you understand. It's definitely not a sign I don't love my husband.

Update - He just left me to go sleep on the sofa.

I walked in and turned on the light. He said hurry up with the light please, I want to go to sleep.

I said I need to change these sheets, they're getting filthy. He said is there a throw up there then? I'm sleeping on the sofa.

He took said throw and has gone to sleep on sofa

I think that you might want to speak to someone about both your reactions to this.

I just posted a comment on an ex boyfriends thread about his dog. Pretty sure that my husband wouldn't be the slightest bit bothered.

Your dh needs to grow up, i's not a big deal. What did he think you would do!

Isn't that what Facebook is for? Looking up exs and being smug about how they look now?

Just leave him to sulk. He is over reacting.

Dear God.

Catherine I did indeed put an identical thread is Chat.

Sorry, thought it was best to post here instead. Will remove the Other if it's annoying people

Tell him to get a fucking grip and stop behaving like a 12 year old. yoou have done literally NOTHING wrong

Gosh, you both sound rather intense.

You don't need to feel guilty, he does not need to be all victim-y here.

It all sounds really rather immature tbh.

Hope you can have a proper chat with each other tomorrow.

Drama llama.

The sofa thing has got to me.

He may be overreacting but the thought of him hurting has me hurt too.

It's going to be a long night for me maybe I'll listen to DS on the dopler to cheer myself up

hasn't everyone done this?! It doesn't mean anything, just simple curiosity!

Your tortured guilt is making this into a far bigger thing than it needs to be, he's overreacting and you need to tell him. "I'm sorry this has upset you but it's really no big deal, I've nosed at lots of people's profiles and it means nothing, stop reading something into it just because he's an ex"

lets that's quite a well worded response.

I want to sort this out so badly. Guess I'll have to let him have his upset on the sofa and retry tomorrow

And if he's still sulking tomorrow step it up to, "for fucks sake grow up and get over it"

Does this really matter?! I hope it's your hormones that are blowing this out of all proportion. It's a very normal thing to search people you used to know, even ex's.