Please help me get my head around this

[ACrapDay]

Quick summary, no drip feeding.

DH has just returned (Tuesday) from a trip to Thailand. He went on his own. DH goes away once a year on his own as he runs his own business, which often necessitates working incredibly long hours and eventually the stress builds up and he needs a break. I have always supported this, as he is no fun once the stress mounts, and we can end up clashing a lot. He suffers badly from Seasonal affective disorder in the winter months, which compounds the problem

He went to Thailand last year and this was his second trip, which did raise some concerns in my head as he never visits the same place twice, but I squashed the thought.

So here I am this morning. I pick up his dirty travel clothes and I check all his pockets before loading the washing machine. In one of his short pockets I find 3 unused condoms.

DH had the snip 6 years ago. We haven't used condoms save once, 2 years ago because It was close to my time of the month, and I didn't want to take a chance.

Coincidentally, I found two additional condoms in his bottom drawer last week, but assumed they were old (part of the packet 2 years ago). I haven't had a chance to compare the numbers on the wrapper to see whether these are part of the same packet and he intentionally took them, or whether they are new, and he brought them when on his trip.

I am completely numb and in a strange suspended reality. I cannot compute what this means. Its like someone asking what colour the sky is and I know its blue but cannot say it.

Please help me clarify this. He's upstairs and is going to work soon. Eldest DS is here (only going in for A-levels exams), and I have a final deadline essay to give in for uni (today), which I'm trying to attend to but just cannot right now.

I genuinely have lost the ability to reason. Maybe it doesn't mean what I think it might? Help me think please.

I'm sorry to say it means what you think it means. But whatever you do, DON'T confront him now. Wait until you have a chance to think, gather more evidence, sort your finances, and decide how you want to move forward. I'm sorry OP

It probably does mean that he's cheated
I don't know how you would get more evidence though and I think you should ask him why he has the condoms. His reaction should tell you what you need to know.

If you confront him he will probably say he's 'looking after them' for someone else.

I don't think there's any other explanation other than he's has had sex while in Thailand.

So sorry Op , I'm not surprised you can't think straight .

I can't think of any other reason

Sorry OP

Take photo in case he throws them out and denies

I'm so sorry. I can only suggest talking to him once your DS has finished his exams, if you can hold out that long?

Just seconding what Richard said, don't confront until you've had time to calm down, think and potentially gather more evidence, he's unlikely to tell you the truth unless he knows for sure he's been rumbled. Hugs OP, I'm so sorry

It's extremely unlikely that he had them in his shorts from 2 years ago and that those were the shorts he was wearing 2 years ago and that he needed to have 3 condoms in his pocket of his shorts if he was having sex with you in your own house.

So the only conclusion is that for some reason he decided he needed at least 3 condoms on his person at some point since last wearing those shorts (do you know when that was? Assuming you do his laundry) the only reason I could imagine a man with a vasectomy needing to have 3 condoms in his pocket would be that he expected to have sex with someone whose sexual history he couldn't be sure of whilst not at home (where his condom packet is).

Thailand, the land of free sex and now you've found his condoms, sorry but I'd be thinking he's gone there to have free and easy sex.

Ok thanks for your replies. Much appreciated thanks, although I don't want to hear them. This is so shit. You pretty much are echoing what my mind is trying to tell me, but I'm sttuggling to accept. One thing though. I can't understand why he would be so lax as to leave the evidence in his pocket? I was wondering maybe they just give them out free in the bar or hotel or something?. When I confront him I feel he's going to say something like that. This did happen to me at a pub last year, where they handed them out free to everyone at my table. But it was christmas, and I didn't hide them from him, and passed them along to my friend. I'm wondering if this is a possibility?

It's a possibility Op, do you trust him otherwise ?

The evidence definitely points towards him cheating. Thailand (of all places) is renowned for this and then the condoms.
However, you have to be prepared for his excuses. Its unlikely he's going to just freely admit it. Have you any way of checking his phone/emails. You might not find anything anyway but its worth trying to get some more evidence.
And yes, it could be that they handed them out somewhere and he stuffed them in his pocket. When you confront him, will you be able to tell if he's lying?

Trying to make you feel better here - if he was guilty , would he not be more careful to get rid of evidence ? Maybe they were given to him , he stuffed them in his pocket and thought no more about them ?

I must be awful having a little bit of evidence that's not conclusive .

If he suffers from SAD, why is he going on holiday abroad in June?

Men go to Thailand on their own for one reason only. The condoms don't even add an extra twist to that thought, IMO

Wise up

He's either met someone on holiday or even worse a sex tourist

it's the only answer, if I were you I would be gathering financial evidence and taking photos of the condoms from his pocket. There's no other answer but I think you know that. I would speak to him but quietly or out of the house so your dc don't hear

There is no way on earth I could pretend everything was ok

If they were handed out to him and he didn't need them then surely he'd say no thanks, not put them in his pocket?

I don't think he'd keep free ones given out. Why? He's taken them to use over there. Sorry OP.

I'd think about getting tested yourself. Condoms are not 100% and it looks like he'll have been sleeping with (hopefully adult) prostitutes.

Ah diddums, husband gets a bit stressed out so has to go and fuck prostitutes in Thailand to de-stress. My heart bleeds....
And SAD in June?! Oh please, he's done you up like a kipper!
I lived in Thailand for quite sometime, and never did I see condoms being handed out, there are however big bowls of them in the sex hotels, brothels and sex clubs!
Where in Thailand did he go?

Why would he accept free condoms if he didn't need them? Surely you'd just say no thank you and keep walking or whatever?

I'm afraid I agree with AnyFucker. Men go to Thailand alone for one reason and one reason only.

Do you look like they were bought here?

I think the fact that he regularly goes on holiday on his own is weird as hell anyway, but Thailand twice in a row - plus the condoms - he's cheated.
The pp who described Thailand as the land of free sex is wrong. It's paid for. Thai girls (and boys) are groomed into prostitution as children.

i agree that in general, married men who go to thailand alone are going for one reason only. what other destinations has he travelled to?

id confront him and tell him you know exactly whats been going on. dont give him any information, just stick to your guns and tell him you know. its unlikely there will be any other evidence anyway, unless he has taken sordid photos/videos.