Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Another Boring Prostitute/Husband one :(

675 replies

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 21:40

Opened H's gmail on his laptop totally innocuously to access mine and low and behold there was an email from u k pun tin a registration email from last Monday = (don't want to link back to that scum) As you can imagine, well, I'm shattered. Two dd's, married 2013, together over 10 years. Did some digging and managed to change his password so I could access his account but there is nothing to be seen, he's not participating in any threads at all.

I was hoping there would be a private messaging thing so I could get some cast iron proof of whatever he's engaging in, but nothing, or am I missing something? I came and did some digging here and read a few threads on the subject, saw someone advising to enter username and adultwork into google, another escort site, to find feedback, so I entered his username for the other site, and he has five positive feedback listed from 2013- April 2016 on there.
His account is not active on there though anymore, so I imagine he can easily bullshit that away, though one of the girls is literally a 10 minute from us, the others all in local cities.

I'm angry I don't have clear and irrefutable proof of communications etc. I want to be able to nail the bastard up to a fucking wall with the evidence when I confront him.

I have taken photos of everything I have found on my phone and will keep them safe until needed.

I logged out of the website I changed the password for and deleted all search history of my snooping. When he tries to log in I doubt he will suspect me, he's likely to brush it off as a glitch or attempted hack or something. He also doesn't know the password to my laptop or phone. Not out of me hiding anything, just well, WE TRUSTED EACH OTHER. What a joke.

We have been having tons of amazing sex recently too. Like, soul joining in love sex. What a dickhead.

Any advice? I'm going to get a full STI exam on Friday morning.

OP posts:
Farmerswifeupnorth81 · 08/06/2017 11:16

You are so dignified and quite frankly bloody amazing Flowers

PastaOfMuppets · 08/06/2017 11:41

Wot you are spectacular. Huge respect for you. You are incredible.

Brenna24 · 08/06/2017 13:29

Well done. Flowers

number1wang · 08/06/2017 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewareOfDragons · 08/06/2017 14:15

You are showing amazing grace and resilience under such pressure.

Your girls are lucky to have you.

purplecoathanger · 08/06/2017 14:51

Bloody hell, what an absolute trooper you are OP. Flowers

raindropstea · 08/06/2017 15:25

You are inspiration to me. You are a wonderful person and mother and your life can only get better from here. Flowers

2littlemoos · 08/06/2017 15:28

It is so so great to hear that you are feeling moments of happiness and excitement OP Smile

Annonymiss123 · 08/06/2017 16:25

I have just read the whole thread and I think you're amazing. I'm at work and was trying to have a sneaky read, but burst out laughing at the following:
I think the confrontation may be one of my proudest moments in life thus far. It was like something out of a Tarantino but with a phone instead of a gun.
I'm not laughing at you - I'm laughing at how he must have felt with his Tarantino wife standing over him.
Best of luck to you and your lovely DDs for a happy life.

Original poster
wotabastard · 12/06/2017 20:35

I feel so heartbroken today. Need a handhold. I'm not suicidal but could I ring Samaritans or something?

OP posts:
jayho · 12/06/2017 20:37

Yes, call for A chat x

HelenaDove · 12/06/2017 20:42

Hi wot Thanks I hope he hasnt been causing problems over the weekend.

Snorktasia · 12/06/2017 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NisekoWhistler · 12/06/2017 20:47

All here for you, have been thinking about you every day since I first read your friend, wondering how you're getting on.

Every day will present you with a range of emotions, tomorrow will be better I promise

Original poster
wotabastard · 12/06/2017 20:48

No problems, just think it's really hitting me now. I've crashed into a deep, dark hole it seems. Very weepy and weak feeling. Don't feel able to sound off to friends or family.

OP posts:
keepingonrunning · 12/06/2017 20:51

Can you take your duvet to the sofa and watch your fave film?
You won't always feel this shit.

Guiltypleasures001 · 12/06/2017 21:07

Hi Wot

Don't panic lovely this is to be expected, sit with the feelings and try to accept that they are a natural part of the grieving process.

Before you were running on adrenaline and shock, when that wears off you tend to go to the opposite, cry scream whatever it takes, it's all normal. Hot tea with sugar and be kind to yourself.

You will be like this on and off for a while, but it's ok like we always say it will pass 💐

Haffdonga · 12/06/2017 21:08

You absolutely can ring Samaritans. You don't have to be suicidal to need to talk to someone who isn't involved.

Please do if it might help -it's part of looking after yourself. Flowers

sheba2288 · 12/06/2017 21:09

I can't imagine how you must be feeling Wot - 2 weeks ago you didn't know there was anything wrong!
No wonder you are feeling low! Please be kind to yourself. You will be amazed to find who your friends are in these times, please try and confide in a couple you think you can trust. You have nothing to be ashamed of, this was not your doing...

At best, please try and take a soak in the bath if you can. Relaxing yourself may make you feel better. And even though you may be feeling like every bite is like chewing cardboard, try and eat/drink a little something. Sorry I'm not that much help. But I do really feel for you.

Teabay · 12/06/2017 21:09

Hi OP.
Someone on here once said to me that it was like a rollercoaster. You'll always be moving forward but there'll be lots of ups and downs.

You WON'T always feel like this.

Yes, ring the Samaritans. And we are here too.

Brenna24 · 12/06/2017 21:16

Yes. The samaritans are there to help not only when things are so bad but also to stop you getting to that point. You can also rant on here. Flowers

Bumshkawahwah · 12/06/2017 21:19

I wonder if it is some kind of delayed shock. A couple of days after I found out about my husband's affair, I just kind of collapsed in a heap - couldn't eat, had no energy, couldn't stop crying. Walking from the living room to the kitchen wiped me out. I had to keep it together to get the kids to school and to feed, bath and get them to bed at night, but that was all I could manage.

Just be kind to yourself. Give yourself time. You have been so amazingly strong and it's only natural that there will be times that you'll struggle. Let it all out here. If you can confide in just one person in real life, so much the better. And take a big hug from me. You are a superstar.

RedastheRose · 12/06/2017 21:45

It's shock and the adrenaline wearing off. It's entirely normal. You will feel awful so just be as kind to yourself as you can. Eat whatever you can stomach, even if it's just toast. I binge watched dvd's. I had them on all night when I couldn't sleep and i would leave them playing so when I woke up i didn't have to think about the shit that was going on. Even now a year later I still have audiobooks playing all night for the same reason, I drift off to sleep listening to them and they give me something to focus on when I wake up. I carried on going into work everyday (even though some days I just sat and stared at my computer and only did the absolutely essential stuff) but it gave me something to focus on. If you need to, go to the doctors and ask for something to help you sleep also if the anxiety is getting overwhelming they can give you something for that as well. Take any help that you can with the DC's. Take a bath, read a book, watch a film, do whatever you think will help to calm you. Just remember that millions of people have been through this and come out the other side. You will too.

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 12/06/2017 22:12

I hope you rang, wot . Starting off down a new path you didn't want or plan to take is never going to be easy. But you are doing the right thing. It will improve. I hope you've found someone to talk to, be it a stranger or family/friend.

Seeingadistance · 12/06/2017 22:39

I read your thread from beginning to end last night, and I think you are awesome and amazing.

I also think that what you're experiencing now is normal, and to be hones, to be expected. When I made the decision to leave my husband (emotionally and verbally abusive and controlling) I was driven initially by adrenaline, then it felt like I'd hit a solid wall at full speed, and slid down in into a hole.

The first time was the worst, especially as I wasn't expecting it, but the peaks and troughs of adrenaline and emotions did gradually even out, and as time went on I was able to recognise my highs and lows for what they were.

Take care of yourself - be kind to yourself - and speak to Samaritans/post here/take to your bed for a day or two - whatever works for you and helps you.

Never forget how amazing and strong you are!