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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another Boring Prostitute/Husband one :(

675 replies

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 21:40

Opened H's gmail on his laptop totally innocuously to access mine and low and behold there was an email from u k pun tin a registration email from last Monday = (don't want to link back to that scum) As you can imagine, well, I'm shattered. Two dd's, married 2013, together over 10 years. Did some digging and managed to change his password so I could access his account but there is nothing to be seen, he's not participating in any threads at all.

I was hoping there would be a private messaging thing so I could get some cast iron proof of whatever he's engaging in, but nothing, or am I missing something? I came and did some digging here and read a few threads on the subject, saw someone advising to enter username and adultwork into google, another escort site, to find feedback, so I entered his username for the other site, and he has five positive feedback listed from 2013- April 2016 on there.
His account is not active on there though anymore, so I imagine he can easily bullshit that away, though one of the girls is literally a 10 minute from us, the others all in local cities.

I'm angry I don't have clear and irrefutable proof of communications etc. I want to be able to nail the bastard up to a fucking wall with the evidence when I confront him.

I have taken photos of everything I have found on my phone and will keep them safe until needed.

I logged out of the website I changed the password for and deleted all search history of my snooping. When he tries to log in I doubt he will suspect me, he's likely to brush it off as a glitch or attempted hack or something. He also doesn't know the password to my laptop or phone. Not out of me hiding anything, just well, WE TRUSTED EACH OTHER. What a joke.

We have been having tons of amazing sex recently too. Like, soul joining in love sex. What a dickhead.

Any advice? I'm going to get a full STI exam on Friday morning.

OP posts:
nigelsbigface · 06/06/2017 22:40

Glad you are feeling a little better op-you are incredibly strong.

PoorYorick · 06/06/2017 22:49

You will do more than survive. You will grow and flourish. There'll be tough times, of course, but the struggle makes the strength.

ohforfoxsake · 07/06/2017 08:04

Genuinely please for you Wot. Here's to moving forward Flowers

Hidingtonothing · 07/06/2017 13:20

Just checking in Wot, glad it went well, thinking of you Flowers

wotabastard · 07/06/2017 15:00

Thank you Flowers

Will update when I can.

OP posts:
Farmerswifeupnorth81 · 07/06/2017 18:48

How are you and how's things with dcs ?

wotabastard · 07/06/2017 22:06

It's been over a week now since I started this thread Shock can't believe it!

Thank you so much for everyone encouraging and supporting me through the longest week of my life. I truly appreciate it and genuinely believe I wouldn't have had the results I have had without the existence of mn and all of you.

On Monday he came back very quickly, he was understandably freaking out and panicking - when I said storming off he wasn't having a tantrum. Despite his actions he is still a human being who still experiences extreme reactions of stress to extreme circumstances. You couldn't get much more extreme than having to let your child now he won't be living in their home anymore.

3pm rolled around - and our lovely daughter came bounding out of school looking thrilled to have been asked to a friend's house. Bollocks. He looked at me and said 'tomorrow?' And I completely agreed.

It was the best thing to be honest. This was a moment that you can't ever take back and in that moment, neither of us were prepared at all. We were floundering wrecks, terrified of destroying our family and deeply hurting our children. So we let her run along and play and we got an extra night to think and prepare.

We brought her home yesterday and sat her down and we told her everything I wanted us to say. He took the lead, but didn't at all make it seem like anything it wasn't. He 'owned' it. There no details but she knows he's really hurt me and done something a husband should never have done and that means he's going to stay somewhere else. But he loves her deeply and will always be in her life. They played chess and we watched a film cuddled up then after dinner he officially 'left'. I think it really hit him then. It was quite painful to witness. Dd was grand, preoccupied with practising her dance, and cheerfully waving him off; and the little one was shouting daddy and wanting more cuddles as he was leaving.

She slept with me last night and I'm watching her carefully. I know it's not that easy. I'm anticipating anger soon. She is quite clearly still in shock. So I'm trying to keep talking but giving her space too. One day at a time.

I feel good. I'm positive about our future and glad I've got the opportunity to start again and create a fabulous new life for us. I know I'm going to have horrendous days too of despair and self doubt but I'll take the rough with the smooth and keep on going.

Life is what you make it!

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 07/06/2017 22:15

Well done xx

rainbowlou · 07/06/2017 22:16

I've been thinking of you all.
You've been amazing and your children will grow up knowing the true meaning of self respect.
I've said it before and I'll say it again I bet lots of us wish we had that strength you've shown-good luck for your wonderful future ahead xx

Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/06/2017 22:23

I am late to your thread wota, i read it last night so too late to add anything constructive but just want to add to the chorus of well dones, you are doing brilliantly.

I also just wanted to point out to you that you won't realise it just yet and neither will your daughter but you really have set a great example to her, you have taught her to have standards and to it accept being treated badly, you have been strong, you have stood up for yourself, you have been fair, even to your h, you have really handled yourself well

NisekoWhistler · 07/06/2017 22:31

Well done Wot! Exactly life is "wot" you make it and you'll do an amazing job xx

wotabastard · 07/06/2017 22:34

I bought myself some flowers yesterday and treated myself to a new mascara today. I'll cherish myself from now on. FlowersStarHalo

OP posts:
ohforfoxsake · 07/06/2017 22:48

Let us know if we can help you through the process.

Sounds like it couldn't have gone any better.

Life moves forward, and we survive these things. I'm so much happier now.

sheba2288 · 07/06/2017 22:48

I can't tell you OP how in awe I am of your dignity and grace in everything you have done in this past week. I don't know if I would have had the strength. Truly amazing lioness instincts towards your DDs, they will know that it due course. Don't you worry...

Mustang27 · 07/06/2017 22:53

Just wow Wot, you are one incredible woman!! Im surprised by your empathy for your husband but it only shows just how strong you are. Your daughters will be fine, what a role model they have in you. I'm hoping your husband continues to own the undoing of your marriage and strives to be a better man for your wee girls.

Groovester · 07/06/2017 22:59

I am in awe of you wot - you're amazing. Flowers

AdoraBell · 07/06/2017 23:13

You really are amazing.

Well done on the flowers and mascara 👍

Cary2012 · 07/06/2017 23:22

Bless you xx

rainbowlou · 07/06/2017 23:46

You're certainly making me question my situation..and that's a good thing..scary but good in the long run I think Flowers

Joysmum · 07/06/2017 23:57

So glad to read such a positive update.

Did he ever try to justify his actions or explain himself?

nigelsbigface · 08/06/2017 06:45

Lots of love to you and yours wot...Flowers

KeepCalm · 08/06/2017 06:46

You are a freaking rock star @wotabastard. I have nothing but admiration Flowers

cakecakecheese · 08/06/2017 07:33

I bought myself some flowers yesterday and treated myself to a new mascara today. I'll cherish myself from now on

Wonderful. You're right about cherishing yourself, you're an actual superhero Flowers

BakerBear · 08/06/2017 08:09

What did his sister say?

Caken · 08/06/2017 10:53

OP you are simply amazing Flowers