I think I need to leave my boyfriend, but I can't, can I?

[Gooseforchristmas]

We've been together for six months. He is needy, and, dare I say it... Emotionally abusive. I have DC from my last relationship to think about. House is all mine and he lives an hour away. Sounds simple, right? Except I'm 8 weeks pregnant, and suffering from terrible morning sickness, meaning I can barely function, let alone look after the Children properly.

What the fuck can I do?

ohwhat I don't think that's right though. Even if he's not on the birth certificate, the father could try and gain access through the courts. The op couldn't just decide she never wanted to see him again and that would automatically happen.

Please do call BPAS or Marie Stopes to ask about counselling and next steps if you go ahead with an abortion.
Stop contacting your shit "friend" until you made a decision, talk to the other friend (the one who's had an abortion) instead.
I hope you decide to get an abortion but either way you must end the relationship.
Your choice is a single mother of four, or a single mother of four with debilitating morning sickness who will become a single mother of five.
Once you've done the first two things, please do the Freedom Programme. And maybe take a break from relationships for a while.

Ok, he's just gone out, so I'm going to ring Marie Stopes and Bpas in a minute. Apparently they're open 24 hours a day which I wasn't expecting. In the past, I would've said I absolutely cannot have a termination and I'll regret it forever. But having gone through the torture of being with my abusive husband, then the torture of him leaving, I can completely see that sometimes it is the logical thing to do.

I was going to start a Psychology degree in February. Obviously I can't with a baby due at the end of December. I was excited to watch my baby girl meet her milestones, knowing that I had brought her up from less than 8 weeks old. Now I can barely pick her up or speak to her.

On a very practical note - we are due to go on holiday a week today, abroad. The DC won't be upset because we haven't told them. The holiday was going to be shit for me anyway because I'm so ill. But fucking hell, it's so much money to lose :(

I wouldn't look at it as so much money to lose, on the holiday, I'd look as it as part of the cost of protecting the rest of your life.

You've only been with this man for six months and it doesn't sound as though that's been a good place for you on nearly all counts.

If it were me I'd be getting out right now, making sure we had no ties together and looking after my health so that I could be strong for the children I have who rely on me.

To be quite honest OP, I had a friend who had 2 young DC (eldest 4, youngest 2) and she was engaged but unhappy. She got pregnant again and had a medical termination (where you take the drugs, no operation). Although she was sad at the time she knew she wanted to end her engagement and not have to cope with another young baby. She also had health issues with her DC and her.

I think you need to speak to Marie Stopes/your GP etc to see about options re abnormal smear test and carrying on pregnancy or terminating it.

Just massive for you

You have been manipulated by this abuser from the start.

6 months should still be romance and having fun not him pushing you to divorce and get pregnant

I honestly think for the sake of your existing DC you should abort and sort out the health issues for your cervix.

Please ring WA as well they may be able to help you access some help etc.

So you lost some money. No big deal.
Say it was £2000.

What's better?
£2000 spent on a week at home enjoying your children and getting rid of another abuser.
Or £2000 spent ill on holiday keeping said abuser around your children.

Come on, you are not stupid. This man WHINED you into a pregnancy you did not want. Why on earth would you want to be on holiday with him?

I wouldn't worry about the holiday and the money it's costing. Do not let him guilt trip you over that either.

You'd be unhappy on the holiday because you're so sick and the kids won't know any different t as they don't know about it, so just don't go.

Good way to look at it noene

I'm on hold now

A termination is never a choice anyone wants to make, but sometimes it really is the best decision.

I wonder if your medical insurance would cover some of the cost of cancelling? Your GP may be able to sign you as too unwell to travel due to morning sickness?

If I were you, I would have a termination.

Good luck Goose I hope you feel much better soon Remember you're working for a long and happy family future. Hope you do start your degree and do well with it.

If you need treatment for whatever has caused the abnormal smear, then a termination may be unavoidable. You do have existing children who would be left effectively parentless without you, you can't really afford to take the risk of leaving this untreated.

And yes, the abusive boyfriend has to go.

Would your travel travel nsurance cover the cost of the holiday if you are now under medical investigation?

Wasn't going to be much of a holiday anyway. You'd be throwing good money after bad if you go just to save the money from cancelling.

Please please don't bring another innocent life into this mess, with an abusive father.

You were sorted before you met him, so it won't take you long, once you've got him gone, to see that what you're doing is insane.

Then get on the Freedom Programme.

What an awful decision. But OP, it sounds like life will be very difficult for you with a new baby, abusive partner and potential health problems. Can you honestly imagine your partner cheerfully caring for the baby and you while you sort out your health?

Maybe not cheerfully Buckingham no...

I've never looked forward to this holiday and would be happy not to go. I don't have any insurance yet though as I haven't been on holiday since I was a child. I put £1000 towards it but that money is gone now so who cares. DP will be absolutely fuming if I tell him I'm not going, he really will...

Feeling really deflated now as I rang Bpas but they said that in my area I can't self refer and have to see the GP. I nearly had an abortion in 2012 and it wasn't a quick process at all, so I'm worried now :(

Also I will have to tell DP asap that I'm not going on holiday, but I'm really going to struggle with the sickness while he no doubt punishes me for that/we split up

I don't know what to do now

How can he punish you? You're a grown woman.

Please stop letting this man dictate your actions. If he fumes, so what. You matter too, your feelings are important.

Do you think he could get violent?

Is there a drop in family planning clinic in your area? Might be quicker than seeing the gp.

From a financial point of view if you receive tax credits then you wouldn't get any additional tax credits for this baby. I can't imagine wonder dad would willingly pony up the extra cash.

They have to give you a termination within 2 weeks I think. Contact your GP on Monday and ask for an emergency appointment

Do either of you have insurance through a bank account? Realistically you were never going to be able to go when so unwell so might be able to cancel on that basis if there is cover.

I just meant punish as in... Might not help anymore. Yes I'm a grown woman, but I can barely get out of bed atm. He wouldn't get violent.

I think my GP have just changed their systems so that you can ring on the day and get an appointment that same day

I did actually have the insurance through my bank but never registered for it... Completely forgot about it tbh because I didn't think I'd ever be going abroad