I think I need to leave my boyfriend, but I can't, can I?

[Gooseforchristmas]

We've been together for six months. He is needy, and, dare I say it... Emotionally abusive. I have DC from my last relationship to think about. House is all mine and he lives an hour away. Sounds simple, right? Except I'm 8 weeks pregnant, and suffering from terrible morning sickness, meaning I can barely function, let alone look after the Children properly.

What the fuck can I do?

I didn't say I was going to stay with him. I'm a lot stronger than most people on this thread seem to think...

Goose...I'm so sorry for your situation and I don't want to upset you. But many of us have been in your situation and just can't fathom why on earth you would even contemplate going away. I get you need help to go to hospital...but once home I would shut the door and call it a day. ...please do look at the freedom programme...if only for your dc's.

Terminate and then think of your options. He's still being nice now because he thinks he can talk you round. When he realises you feel less sick but are still resolute in finishing with him, he could turn nasty. Not nice stuck in a foreign country.

Don't wait, you need this man/boy out of your life, the longer you leave it the more 'normal' the abuse will seem. Eventually it will become so ingrained you will find yourself 20 years down the road wondering who the hell you are. If he is EA to you now can you imagine what he will be like when the kids are teenagers and become challenging, don't do that to yourself or your kids. As for a termination, that's entirely up to you, but if you don't want one don't get one, don't put dads name on the birth certificate. and if you don't want him to have access because of his behaviour go to your local one stop shop and they will help you through what you need to do. If you don't mind access they can still help with setting up guided access. One Stop are worth visiting whatever you decide as they can help you put things into perspective.

No op. You're deluding yourself. You're already mentioning how he cleans and helps out with the kids etc.

Fact - in just 6 months he's forced you to pay for a more expensive divorce.
Fact - he's manipulated you into getting pregnant despite the fact you have 4 young children and you didn't want any more or at least yet.
Fact - despite you being incapacitated through morning sickness he wanted to go out with the lads or something??
Fact - he's persuaded you into spending £1k on a holiday that you can't afford.

So now you're getting a termination yet bloody going on holiday and risking your kids being put in a vulnerable position again?? Come on op. You're doing what's best for your kids and you by having a termination. The close the door firmly on this man who means nothing but trouble to you and your kids. If not for you, for your kids.

Thanks all but I don't think I'll be coming back to this thread. I actually feel more sick when I read it. The judgements are mental from people who don't know me. I know myself and I'm a fucking fantastic mum who is a world away from the beaten down girl I was a couple of years ago.

No one is doubting that you're a great mum and a strong woman, we just think that both of those things involve ending the relationship and doing the Freedom Programme. HTH

I'm sorry if you feel judged. ..I don't doubt you are a strong woman ir a fantastic mum...
OP....I too am a living mum, I like to think strong and hold down a professional job...but I too lived with an abusive ex...I too did the holiday..after we split..and I now have dcs still struggling years later. i thought a trip of a life time and some redt would be a tonic we all needed...but it fab mixed messages...hopes for a future that wasnt to be ...i was deluding myself..so I am in no place to judge..and I wouldn't suggest that I know better. But a lot of people here have given you very sound advice and only wish you well..

I don't think anyone is judging you. But you asked for advic and help, and this is what people have offered you, based on the info you have given. I'm no expert, but I worry about someone who has a history of being in a suite relationships, has been bullied into getting pregnant, then decides to have an abortion, and then plans to go on holiday with the root cause of all the trouble. It doesn't seem to me you have a very high opinion of yourself, and I think you are worth more than this. Certainly worth more than this rather unpleasant many who you have only known for six months and who lives an hour away from you! It's all rather odd ....

Sounds a good idea to step away from the thread. You've got a lot from it and now it's just reading the opinions of a bunch more people each time. Maybe space for your own thoughts would be good: abusers tend to allow little time for that and you don't want this thread to start echoing that.

You can always come back and start a new thread once you've told him it's over, if you need support then.

I hope all goes well Friday and afterwards.

I'm sorry you're feeling judged, Goose, and that you're stepping away now.

You said to me not to be too hard on myself; well, I say the same thing to you! I hope everything goes well on Friday, and that you feel fine - in every way - very quickly.

I hope your holiday is great, and you and your children remember it happily for many years to come.

I realise that you won't be rushing back to MN, but please do come back. I believe you are a great mum; you got away from an abusive man, despite having 4 children, and got yourself sorted to a great extent, and got your children sorted too. I think we need people like you on MN,mpeople who have that experience and know how hard it is to gee yourself up to actually taking action.

Imreally do wish you all the very best, you deserve it.

You might regret an abortion but you also might regret being tied to this man all your life to, I have 3 children to my ex and if I was in your situation I'd be getting a termination ASAP and getting rid of the boyfriend. Then also look at getting back on contraception or getting tubes tied to prevent further pregnancies. Focus on the 4 children you have they need you most and adding another child from an abusive man isn't a smart move. 5 kids as a single parent is crazy hard work !

And another thing, morning sickness only lasts a few weeks/months, a screaming baby that won't sleep lasts a lot longer, the toddler + 4 other kids activities and running around. You'd be even more exhausted then you are now !

I think she knows that Supermum.

I'm glad she's left te thread - it started as a source of support for a big, tough decision (abortion) and once she'd decided on that, many posters have started lambasting her about going on holiday.

It's her life, she can abort, or not, have 4 kids, or 5, go on holiday with whomever she likes. I think she gets now that people think the holiday a stupid idea. She thinks it'll work - at least for now.

I hope you'll come back OP and let us help again when he returns to being abusive. In the meantime, do what makes life easier for you.

Hi OP, just in case you do read - have you a Plan B in case at the last minute he doesn't cooperate with driving you to the clinic/looking after the dcs while you're there? Hope it won't come to that, but I know from my experience in dealing with my exH that a plan B is always a reassuring thing to have.

I had an abortion op to a horrible little shit of a boyfriend. We used condoms but he may well have tampered with them as he was hideously jealous that someone else was my 'first'. I was 16 at the time . I had severe morning sickness to the point I could hardly keep my eyes open, never mind eat anything so I understand how incredibly hard it must be when you have 4 little ones to contend with.

Please don't have a baby with this man. And I really think when the procedure is done, you'll get a clearer head and not bother with the holiday. My sickness left within a couple of hours and the fog lifted to an extent.

I feel sad that I had to go through it but I thank my lucky stars that I disconnected myself from the despicable bastard. He really was awful and tried to control me, well he did really til that point.

I see him locally now and again 16 yrs later. He tries to talk to me like an old friend and hate that he even looks in my direction. My skin literally crawls esp when I'm with my dc I have now.

I shudder to think of the life I would have had. Hope you are ok .

Hope you're ok op and thinking about you tomorrow xx

Thinking of you today, Goose. Hope all is well.

I'm thinking of you too.
Hand holding here!

Not sure if you will be back here OP but just another one wanting to say we are thinking of you today x

Goose - in case you are still reading this! I am in a similar position, leaving a man when pregnant with 2Dc already (not his) . I'm 20 weeks ish. Would be interested to hear what you decided to do in the end if you are comfortable sharing it - I can understand the predicament you were in and sorry you felt judged on here. Abortion wasn't an option for me either. Hope things have improved for you not least the morning sickness x

You can deal with the morning sickness, either terminate the pregnancy or just grit your teeth, it will pass. But to have this irritation in your life for the next 18 years.....well that would be silly. Do you really want this man to be hanging about for 18 years? You have 4 children already do you think a 5th will enhance their lives?