I think I need to leave my boyfriend, but I can't, can I?

[Gooseforchristmas]

We've been together for six months. He is needy, and, dare I say it... Emotionally abusive. I have DC from my last relationship to think about. House is all mine and he lives an hour away. Sounds simple, right? Except I'm 8 weeks pregnant, and suffering from terrible morning sickness, meaning I can barely function, let alone look after the Children properly.

What the fuck can I do?

If you have a health issue you can't treat for 6 or 7 months minimum it's not going to get any better. What would happen if you needed more intensive treatment by then - would you be able to cope ?
Please consider your existing children ?

With an abnormal smear test and 4 children already, Idcdeginitely terminate in your shoes. It's easy for people on the internet to say, but you have 4 children who have an abusive father. They need you around healthy and able to look out for them more than they need another sibling and a selfish and resentful stepfather to add to all that. They already exist. If your friend is living in some romantic fantasy land where she's desperate for a man and babies, she really had no idea of the humongous responsibilities you already have.

That's good then. Sounds like the OP shouldn't have any problems getting the procedure done on the NHS if she decides to go down that route

Ps. It might be worth stressing how severe and debilitating your morning sickness is to see if they can fit you in ASAP. Also if you haven't already please go to your GP and demand medication for your sickness. They DO have things they can give.

Marie Stopes and Bpas would help, I had a termination with Marie stopes I was 7 weeks and 5 days pregnant, It was done Surgically, it was painful in the days following but I managed on strong painkillers.
I think a termination is your easiest option but of course it is not an easy decision for you to make. Your friend should take her own feelings out of the equation and support you completely, but it seems she is letting her own dislike of being single cloud her judgement and support for you. Do you have any other RL support other than said friend?

In one sense your friend is right, if you have a termination you might well regret it in the future. But that is the future, and your immediate concern should be making a decision that is right for you, and your family, now. You cannot live your life thinking back and regretting actions. What you can do is to make the decisions that are the right decisions at the time you make them . Of course you can be sad about having to make painful decisions and choices, but knowing that you have made valid and considered decisions that are the right ones at the time is the way forward in your life.

Bandeau "access to your mental health". That has really struck a chord with me. When exH left me I ended up on anti anxiety drugs and as much as I love my children I was suicidal about the fact that he was their dad. I'd forgotten that.

Can you tell I'm living it too?

I'd rather not pay for it, but would if the NHS were going to take too long. Thanks for the info. What kind of counselling do they offer Squirrels? The thought of the morning sickness being gone and me being able to be independent again and actually look after my own children sounds like a lottery win at the minute.

Please ignore your friend.

This is your decision and yours alone. And you will NOT regret it for the rest of your life, and I speak from personal experience!

Under are you serious? I can self refer and they just bill the NHS?? I didn't know that!

Don't say emotive things like ''the baby would be breastfed" ..

There's no baby. There's a crisis pregnancy.

I have two dc with one abusive x and that made my life extremely hard. 100% of the childcare. a long hard fight for some maintenance. Still no freedom.

I'm free of him now but my life is not what it would have been if I'd had dc with a normal man, had a ''normal'' break up 50:50 c0-parenting with a normal man sounds like a dream come true.

Can you imagine being slave to the egos of not one but two abusive men? Even if you have this baby and manage to not let the second abusive man find out, the first abusive father will have another stick to beat you with. He'll feel vindicated casting you as irresponsible, reckless etc..Either you let the second father in to your life and are a pawn to the egos of two men with abusive ways or you keep the second one out of the picture and cast yourself as the feckless mother of four who had a fifth baby with no man in the picture.

Don't do it to yourself.

The NHS won't take ages to book you in as they know how crucial it is to perform the procedure as early as possible. They aren't going to make you wait weeks and weeks until you're too far gone to have it done. You'd probably have to wait 3 weeks at the absolute most. I waited 10 days but did have the option to be seen earlier than that but couldn't make that date because of a friend's wedding. With the counselling they'll discuss whether it's what you definitely want to do etc. And you can talk to them after it's done if you're feeling sad too. I didn't need the counselling afterwards for myself as all I felt was relief

God knows what could happen to my fucking cervix if I have to leave it untreated for the next year or so. But I never thought about the fact that the existing children only have me. I HAVE to be well, for them

I do have other support, one friend who has had a termination who would support me

Slightly worried that everyone's so forcefully encouraging an abortion when you've said repeatedly it's not something you feel you could do. It's not your only choice, and you're feeling so rotten right now that maybe it's worth taking some time to really think about it. Then, if you decide it's what's right for you and your family, you can absolutely go down that route, but at least you can always look back knowing you had the chance to really make sure it was what you wanted.

In terms of the sickness, it's awful but as others have said, it will pass. How would you feel about the idea of treading water for a few weeks until you felt better, and then breaking things off with your partner?

I was quite happy to wait the two years and just divorce then, but DP would not fucking let it go. It is costing me loads

Why are you letting this twat, who you've only been with for six months, push you from pillar to post?

BPAS ask for your nhs number to pay for your treatment. They will talk you through your options and timescales. Maybe have a chat with them to see if that might be something you'd want to do. You can always change your mind, even on the day.

Under are you serious? I can self refer and they just bill the NHS?? I didn't know that!

I'm serious. I never spoke to a GP or NHS Doctor, just made direct arrangements with BPAS. All they needed was my NHS number.

You do need to look at your whole family..You know the an abusive ex. The reality of worrying every time they are at contact..Easier in some ways when they are tiny and don't move but get to wilful toddler much harder..

I don't think having a termination is an easy solution for anyone.. Do what is right for you. When I read the reality of you not been pregnant would feel like winning the lottery ..You really don't need to talk to anyone else.. This pregnancy is not a blessing for you.

To have a termination gives you freedom to look after your own children again and have the freedom to feel better .

october Its not just the morning sickness, it's the abnormal smear test and the two abusive partners. Morning sickness goes. The other two are far more serious.

October people are encouraging the OP to consider the needs of her existing children and her health. Abortion seems to be the option to best meet this. And with the plus she won't have this millstone of a partner round her neck forever more

OP
I took a friend to clinic in this situation. She was referred by her GP but her sickness stopped within a couple of days, yes.
Please think of your health and your children.

You need to take the emotion out of it.

Terminating a pregnancy is a simple medical procedure so early on.

With all of your medical concerns, the fact that you have four young dc to look after, your ex and now this abusive relationship, it's really, really time to be logical and sensible.

You can do the same with Marie Stopes, I think the GP's in my area have stopped referring patients to them, you just book yourself in with them.

october, if OP truly feels a termination is the wrong thing for her, then of course she shouldn't have one. But I think it's perfectly reasonable for people to point out that there are some very good reasons to consider one, and not least that OP was bullied into getting pregnant in the first place.

OP will have to weigh all this up for herself, but she seems to feel that it would be helpful to explore the option right now, and she can walk away at any time, up to and including the last minute. If a termination is a possibility for you then practically speaking it's a good idea to start the process of engagement asap since there are some inevitable delays.

Baby will be breastfed - how the hell would we work out contact? you don't. Miss him off the birth certificate. You owe him nothing.