I think I need to leave my boyfriend, but I can't, can I?

[Gooseforchristmas]

We've been together for six months. He is needy, and, dare I say it... Emotionally abusive. I have DC from my last relationship to think about. House is all mine and he lives an hour away. Sounds simple, right? Except I'm 8 weeks pregnant, and suffering from terrible morning sickness, meaning I can barely function, let alone look after the Children properly.

What the fuck can I do?

I would get in to see your GP as soon as humanly possible and ask for a) the termination referral and b) meds for your sickness.

I can't tell you what is right, but I might tell your DP that your doctor advised you not to go on holiday and postpone the split until after the termination so you have the physical strength to cope with your kids after that. If you don't feel you can do that, then call in every favour from family and friends to help you with them.

I don't think you do need to register it?

Under I never lie but that actually sounds ok. I can't imagine what recovering from an abortion is like whilst looking after four children under 9 :( my family wouldn't help either. Glitter, I think you do? Will have a look

If you do have a termination then you could always say it was a miscarriage. I don't usually lie but if it will save you aggression from people it might make life easier for you.

I had a termination for medical reasons. It was the hardest thing I've ever done but I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

Good luck whatever you decide x

If your surgery asks if you need an emergency appointment - yes, you do.

I would probably have to do that Night. I can't deal with people's judgement on top of everything else. Thank you x

Most people would agree it was for the best

I was advised to terminate when i got pregnant by my ex,exact worse were "he'll never leave you be" how right they were,I love my dd to bits but the impact he still has on all our lives makes me wish I chose differently 🙁

Thank you Clue, that sounds awful but it is what I need to hear.

Fwiw the physical recovery from a termination, especially a surgical one, is usually quite quick and straightforward. I took it easy for a few days but I could have been back on my feet straightaway tbh.

Good luck. Don't be ashamed to put yourself and your children first. If you choose termination then I think you can justifiably tell people who would judge you that you miscarried. It's your life and you don't owe them an explanation.

That's good to know, Under. The time is going to fucking drag until Monday. I feel like I want him gone, but at the same time how the hell will I get the kids washed, the laundry done, the pets fed etc?

The gp can also prescribe anti sickness medication. In fact if you ring 111 they'll probably tell you where you can get some prescribed today.

I do have some Glitter, but it doesn't always work that well

Can you wait until Monday to tell him? You'll hopefully know exactly where you stand health wise on Monday and can decide where to go from there.

Seconding telling a white lie if you do chose to terminate - he's proved he'll behave terribly if you tell him the truth so why put yourself through that.

Yeh I definitely won't mention it this weekend. I "need" him here unfortunately :(

You look after number one here - which basically translates into looking after your kids.

You say nothing to him.
You keep things on an even keel.
You take the help.
You get to the doctor and you get referred for a termination as urgently as possible.
You say NOTHING to him until it is completely over.
You tell him you miscarried and you get him out of your life.
Fuck the holiday!

Oh and no it's not the case that the recovery/termination will be a physical toll.

If you've been feeling very sick, you will probably stop feeling sick as soon as the termination is complete.

You may well feel better than you do now.

About waiting times - I don't know whether you could maybe speak to the doctor about the abnormal smear, your sickness, and the fact that you are being pressured into continuing the pregnancy? Ask for a very urgent referral?

Fizzy good idea, I'll definitely do that. It DOES need doing, because if I don't do it soon, I won't do it. Didn't think of saying nothing to him. This is scary.

He'll be back soon. Can't wait until I can go back to my old life

Op please seek some counselling. It's great that people have made you realise that termination is an option for you, but take some time to make a decision for yourself. Although it feels like there's a desperate rush, you've got time to think first.

Some of the comments on here ("please, please get a termination" etc) are as bad as the friend pushing the op to continue the pregnancy.

Purple you are right but I know if I leave it much longer it'll be too late for me to go through with it :(

What do you mean, "too late to go through with it"? You've got a full four weeks until you'd be twelve weeks and things are very straightforward until then.

What I meant was, don't feel you have to make a decision today. Get the ball rolling with the termination but make sure you actually talk through what you want to do with someone impartial first. If won't stop you going ahead with the termination if you want to.

I will talk to the abortion people if I get the opportunity. I just meant that I'd feel so guilty if it was a bigger "baby" than it is now

A practical note. (My last post was overtaken by events-op you are doing the right thing) make sure he can't see your internet history and phone. If he gets wind of what's going to happen the abuse may ramp up. Good luck to you.

Thanks OhWhat. I'm trying my best to act normal. So so tired x

I've never had a medical abortion but my recovery from the surgical one I had was fine, after the first 48 hours, where I felt really woozy. I wasn't much good for anything for at least 24 hours.

I posted earlier saying I was in a similar situation years ago - I didn't think I could go through with a termination but was in a relationship with a horrible man. I started a thread on here not knowing what to do (under a different name), and mumsnetters helped me to see sense. They supported me all the way through the run up to the abortion and beyond, that thread was my lifeline. I even met up with one lovely lady in real life (had moved away to live with horrible man so had no friends nearby). Mumsnet was amazing, the next few weeks will be a rollercoaster for you but keep posting because there's lots of people here who will give you the strength to get through it