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Original poster

I think I need to leave my boyfriend, but I can't, can I?

297 replies

Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:03

We've been together for six months. He is needy, and, dare I say it... Emotionally abusive. I have DC from my last relationship to think about. House is all mine and he lives an hour away. Sounds simple, right? Except I'm 8 weeks pregnant, and suffering from terrible morning sickness, meaning I can barely function, let alone look after the Children properly.

What the fuck can I do?

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 20/05/2017 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BandeauSally · 20/05/2017 11:47

Is he living with you or not? How is he doing everything from his house an hour away?

WildBelle · 20/05/2017 11:47

I had a baby with a horribly abusive man.

Ended up having to go to court 19 times, and he didn't get access to dd, but only because the abuse was so severe.

If I could turn back the clock, I would have terminated the pregnancy. Of course I love her to bits, but the heartache it caused me and my existing dc, and the constant living in fear...I don't think it's good for any of us.

Have this baby and you will never be rid of him. I never thought I could have a termination either but I did (a couple of years after dd2 was born). It wasn't the jolliest day of my life for sure, but you do move on from it.

Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:47

He is so jealous that I married and had several children with my ex. He said it over and over again until I relented and stopped taking my pill

OP posts:
Trills · 20/05/2017 11:47

Your choices are:

Stay with abusive boyfriend, have a baby with him, have a shit time and know that if you ever leave you will always be linked to him
Leave abusive boyfriend, have a baby, be linked to him your entire life through the baby
Stay with abusive boyfriend, have an abortion, have a slightly less shit time than if you had a baby with him and be freer to leave in future
Leave abusive boyfriend, have an abortion, never have to see him again.

I know which I would do.

Waltermittythesequel · 20/05/2017 11:48

I know this goes without saying.

But please take some time off from men and concentrate on yourself and your children, no matter what you decide. Flowers

FizzyGreenWater · 20/05/2017 11:48

I am so sorry to say this but please try and think about having a termination.

This is about the lives of your other children too. Emotionally abusive and whining about 'not being first' 6 months into a relationship with a woman with children? Jesus, no. Don't do this to your children. Don't fuck up their lives by forcing this nasty twat of a 'stepdad' onto them. Don't tie yourself to him for life by having this baby.

And... He got you pregnant to keep you? Oh my. Then I guarantee that so far, you've only seenthe very thinnest end of the wedge when it comes to his unpleasantness.

I am so aware of how awful it is to urge termination in this instance but please, think about the bigger picture.

Waltermittythesequel · 20/05/2017 11:49

He said it over and over again until I relented and stopped taking my pill

Hmm
Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:49

Wild your story is exactly what I am terrified of.

We're supposed to be going on holiday in a week. Fuck

OP posts:
BandeauSally · 20/05/2017 11:50

So you were forced to become pregnant? Seriously. You can end this. As An outsider looking in I can tell you the best outcome for you is to terminate the pregnancy and cut this abusive controlling asshole out of your life.if you have his baby you are tied to him for life. You are giving him access to your life, your mental health for the rest of your life. If your terminate, it ends.

Marmalade85 · 20/05/2017 11:52

If I were in your position I would have a termination. I think you may also benefit from the Freedom Programme which will hopefully stop you from being abused again.

Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:52

Bandeau "access to your mental health". That has really struck a chord with me. When exH left me I ended up on anti anxiety drugs and as much as I love my children I was suicidal about the fact that he was their dad. I'd forgotten that.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/05/2017 11:53

So he forced you to get pregnant but you stopped taking the pill.

Hmm
Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:53

Thanks marmalade. I've seen the freedom programme mentioned on here.

OP posts:
WildBelle · 20/05/2017 11:54

He's already shown his true colours and it will only get worse. You have an opportunity now to protect yourself and your children. I would take it, seriously. If you had the baby at some point you would have to allow him access, and if he's as unhinged as you say would you really want to hand a child over to him? I know having a termination is a horrible thought, but it's probably the kindest thing you could do for the baby and the kids you already have.

He's not going to change, that you can be sure of.

Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:54

Of course he didn't force me to get pregnant

OP posts:
Trills · 20/05/2017 11:54

It goes without saying, but next time someone tries to force you to stop taking the pill, if you can leave them instead of getting pregnant, that would be better.

Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:55

I know he won't change :( I've said this to him several times. He plays up to get attention, it doesn't work, then he starts saying he can't deal with me treating him like this and we should break up, that doesn't work, then he says sorry and cuddles me.

Then repeat a few days later...

OP posts:
Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:56

Definitely Trills.

OP posts:
Teddy6767 · 20/05/2017 11:56

Terminate! I had a surgical one when I was about 10 weeks pregnant and it was fine and was given loads of support. You can get it done quickly on the NHS too if your doctor refers you.
What if you end up having sickness throughout your whole pregnancy? My mum did with me and was hospitalised from deyhydration towards the end. If you are struggling financially too then it's going to impact your other children by having to make further financial cuts to afford a new baby. Your partner sounds awful and manipulative. Don't waste the most precious years of your life with someone who causes you stress and unhappiness. It's much better to be alone in situations like this!

notapizzaeater · 20/05/2017 11:57

Can you see him being in your life for the next 12 /13 years seeing his child ? If he's controlling now imagine what life will be like

KarmaNoMore · 20/05/2017 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CandleLit · 20/05/2017 11:58

So are you saying that if you stay with him you can't cope? Then why is staying with him still on the table? What do you want from this thread? It sounds like you already have your answer re: whether to end it. What am I missing?

Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 11:59

Teddy if the sickness didn't end I would be one depressed mess. That's a good point. Before he came along I was finally sorted. I'd just about got over the ex, had supervised contact in place, the baby was sleeping through, my house was spotless again, I'd decorated it all beautifully.

Now everything has gone to shit

OP posts:
Original poster
Gooseforchristmas · 20/05/2017 12:01

Candle my best friend said I might be making a massive mistake if this is just hormones

OP posts: