The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Ah we're on last page. Is Bant about for new thread?

Jonsnow - my recent ex was the only guy I really spoke to on tinder.

I would go more than an hour away from me but that's my preference - 2 hours is doable if you have the travel time

Yeah my search area isn't large but as I said he has family nearby so that's why he popped up! Originally wasn't going to go further but the more we chatted the more we got on.
I guess apart from my pets (cat/horses) and normal 9 to 5 I don't have any other responsibilities so I'm pretty flexible when it comes to going places - plus he likes cats too so he can come here and I don't have to worry about mine being a pain! He rents on his own and has mentioned that he'd like a new job with less crazy hours so you never know he may decide to come back closer, his best friend is in the same area as me too so he's often back visiting him too

squeaks you deserve better than him. Forget the loser and go find a nice one. There are plenty of them out there! I'm sure (they do hide though sometimes)

Settling isn't going to help anyone, and if it's not fun anymore you should stop. Try an ultimatum; call him out. If he doesn't like it it's better that you know sooner, or he might step it up a bit. You deserve to feel happy, cherished, respected, wanted. You deserve that!

I do laugh when i dish out this type of advice. I do get there eventually but I'm rubbish at boundaries. But learning

fiery swoon

Yay smeaton Yay fedup Yay johnsnows!

I'm happy! I've suddenly got 3.5 irons. I am very very very very very excited about one of them. And the half too! This has never happened before 😂😂 I have coffee date with one on weds, and have just shamelessly asked the loveliest one if he uses WhatsApp...

Fingers crossed for you and Mr Cook Lana

Well done anothernew 3.5 is good going. Why is one only a .5 though?

I've got 4 irons but feel a bit odd as 2 of them I only got talking to tonight and barely spoke much but both has mentioned meeting up. Normally I'll have chatted to someone a bit longer before they are keen to meet up. Maybe I shouldn't be suspicious and embrace their spontaneity.

Iron 1 Mr No time - I've been talking to for 10 days and he sends me ridiculously long messages but tells me he hasn't been on a date yet as he is fussy and is not looking for "whimsical company on the off chance it might lead to something more". I'm going to give him one more day to suggest a date before I give up.

Iron 2 Mr DiCaprio - been talking for a week. Super nice looking but found out he's only 5ft 6 which is a huge no no for me (I'm 5ft 10) he keeps saying he wants to meet and now sends me daily voice messages which I just find really odd. Why not just call for a chat if that's what you want to do. Not sure I can do it as I never date a guy shorter. Just weirds me out. Does anyone else feel like that?

Iron 3 Mr Fit - asked me to meet for a drink on Friday on 3rd message. Hoping he doesn't ghost come Friday.

Iron 4 Mr Northern - wants to take me rock climbing for our first date but yet to suggest when. I think it would be fun. Has anyone ever done this on a first date?

Lana here's hoping Mr Cook is a good one!

Decided to buckle and create my POF profile again. Not counting on anything at all but well, it's there!!

Well done for being brave, InfoSec21! I revamped mine and have had loads more interest. I can't even count the number of irons I have now as a result. Getting very tired talking to them all!

I think it's more stupid than brave but hey we'll see huh :)

Yay info! Great to see you back on it! You're the prize

I remember you from my lurking days. When you were entertaining miss WG I was almost desperate to chip in with my thoughts that you should act like you know she's interested. I'm a bit of a responder rather than an initiator, and I thought she might be the same, and might have had a relationship or two where she was told she was "too much" or "needy", and just not want to annoy you. Anyway. I'm sure she's long gone now, but for future... You are exactly the kind of man a lot of us on here are looking for. Believe it!

InfoSec21 I'm sticking with brave. You've had some time out which we all know from similar experiences means you had your heart stomped on so much you've needed a bit of recovery time. And yet you're ready to put yourself out there again. Well done.

earthangel797 Mr Fit has the most interesting name! Rock climbing sounds fun, but quite a time and money commitment if you have nothing in common/no spark. All the really cool first date ideas seem practically better suited to a second date, after you've passed each other's screening.

anothernew As earthangel797 says, explain the 0.5 iron, please!

Littlelondoner If you over analyse, you will drive yourself crazy. I know, I know, so easy to say. We're all guilty of it.

SqueeksAway Putting yourself out there is always hard. But if don't try, we don't end up with our own Mr Texan. Let Fieryfighter be your inspiration, she's certainly mine!

Jonsnowsghost I've done long distance before. I wouldn't do it from the start, it would only be if a relationship turned long distance. For a LDR to work, there has to be a planned end to the distance part. At some point, at least one of you will have to move.

LanaDReye I wouldn't travel more than an hour either. Clearly we're both lazy!

So, current irons...

Mr Nice - I've lost interest.

Mr Red Trousers - I've lost interest.

Mr Spaniard - He has potential. Haven't chatted to him much today, but he's respectful of how busy I am, which is nice. We connected the other night over music and I want to meet him because of that. We had a moment.

Mr Outdoorsy - I do like the idea of a bit of rough, but I don't know. I think I'm going off him. He seems really overwhelmingly keen on me. He hasn't met me. Mr PT wants to meet me and has messaged me a lot, but he seems less intense with it.

Mr Snow - Where has he gone? Clearly chatting to other irons.

Mr PT - Actually, he's really sweet. Chatted to him the most. He wants to talk on the phone next. I cannot believe I'm even entertaining the thought of meeting a personal trainer. I am the "before" image of a personal trainer's work, not the "after". This is the new found confidence coming out...

Mr Local - He's new. I'm not sure I care. I've started to invest in Mr PT a bit.

I don't think I have the energy to count any more.

I've had another first contact come back - again, this is another guy who ticks all the boxes on paper but who visually I just don't find appealing. This one is not ugly and someone will like him, but I don't personally get it. I didn't reply last time; I haven't replied this time. God loves a trier, but I'm a mere mortal.

I think I've become a professional flirt. I can't seem to stop myself... I think I'm also getting a bit harder, re not wasting my time or theirs. Trying to learn from the rest of you here. If I'm not feeling it, I can't force it, I just need to move on. It is a numbers game.

Pondering a multi-date Sunday. How many irons can I see in one day, eh?

Hi all. So second date with Mr Local and it's a no go sadly. I just don't want him to kiss me and there's quite a few other things I'm not feeling (clothes, swears a lot, bad breath, bit geeky - sorry to be judgy).

So we've got that stupid thing of chatting all night every night for weeks so any tips on what to say to him now?

You're lovely but I don't feel a romantic spark?
You're lovely but I'd just like to be friend (which I actually would as he's amazing but not boyfriend potential).
Something else?

Don't want to hurt his feelings but do want to be clear it's not going anywhere.

Thanks

DivorceDating This is the point where most people seem to get ghosted. I don't think I've ever told someone I don't want to see them again, or vice versa.

Given how close we are to 1,000 messages, I'll start a new thread so no one gets lost later this morning...

Right, new home here for when this thread gets full up: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2964783-The-Dating-Thread-119-Summer-days-drifting-away

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Thanks @pringlecat and @Smeaton he's just messaged me and I'm too scared too look.

I couldn't ghost someone I'd chatted to for this long as it seems disrespectful. He's so lovely but just not for me romantically. I need to grow a spine and be honest with him

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