The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

So, my two current contacts, who are of any merit:

Mr Punk - used to be in bands, now a courier. We moved to WA fairly quickly (is that a bad idea?), chatted ages Sat and Sunday, I went out Sun night, texted him briefly when I got back, then heard nothing all Monday. Last night I dropped him a 'how was your day' (yeah, boooring) message and he replied 'I thought you'd forgotten me' - I dislike this. He could have messaged me and, in fact, mine was the last message. So, that's one strike for him.
He also vapes which I dislike - I am really anti smoking, vaping is OK if people are using it to give up smoking of course, but vaping for its own sake is a no-no, it's almost as bad as smoking. So, we'll see!

2. a new contact from yesterday's five (!) - he's Swedish, nerdy and short. Good messages exchanged so far, no red flags at all. MrSwede

I've ignored all the others.

For example - a guy who said "I like your photos, what do you think of mine" where one was him lying on a cowskin rug, one was on a very fluffy pink thing..... channeling 1980's porn stars!

A guy who messaged whose profile was just full of how awful the site is, how no-one ever replies....who has one photo of himself and one of a car in a car park (OK, there is a sunset in the background, but seriously!?).

The guy who lives in "Australia/Aberdeen" - eh?

And a few other dullards.

I miss MrOi - it's about time for another Oi now, but I've blocked him.

Excellent BettySwollocks TK Max and online dating, you have it sussed!
OutToGetYou Mr Swede sounds good. What did Mr Oi do?

MrOi just sent messages all the time that said 'oi', or 'oioioioioi' and once, 'lol' and once 'well, miss chatty'...etc. That was it, those were the whole messages.

I told him I wasn't interested and he just carried on. Idiotic. So, I blocked him just so as not to have to keep seeing them. I suppose he is 'oi-ing' someone else now!

OutToGetYou the absolute joy of on line dating!

Hi, please be gentle (it's my first time posting). I'm new to online dating, infact im new in the dating game all together (I was in a relationship for 18 years, from the age of 16).

I've been talking to a lovely guy online, for a week or so. Let's call him Mr Marine (he's in the army). The problem is I have no idea if he likes me. He answers my questions in detail, but doesn't really ask me anything. Do you think he's just responding to be polite? Should I stop messaging him?

user welcome. It is a problem when they do that. In my opinion it either means they aren't really interested in you or they have poor conversational skills. Is he local to you? I wouldn't let it go on too long like this. If it continues you could ask if he wants to meet up, then you will have your answer and you may find out if he is a better conversationalist in real life.

Welcome user

Ooooh just got such a lovely message......."hmmm sexy"- please......
can they not make it any more original than that. If they just want a shag they could at least dress it up a bit. Can't imagine any women enjoy that sort of message - do they? lol

Thank you for the warm welcome and great advice. He's about an hour away from me. So I might suggest a meet up, then I'll know.

5th date with Mr Navy Officer this weekend, he's coming to mine. Not much else to report!

user - remember rule 7. If he's not showing much interest in you, and you think maybe he's just replying out of politeness - then maybe wait for him to actually show interest enough to ask you out first?

Otherwise he may just say yes to a date out of politeness, show up out of politeness, go to bed with you out of politeness and then stop being polite.

Make him make an effort to show interest in you, at least?

Well, my date has cancelled tonight due to illness and someone I had on the backburner is busy as well. Why is it so bloody hard to find a date?

Having said that though, a man I met IRL and gave my number to because he was good looking & charming is still pestering me by text and loitering near my office. That'll teach me to give my number to someone with a cheeky smile and a sharp line in banter in a moment of weakness. I think if I ever went out with him he'd become obsessed.

polar good luck with MrNavy (you lucky thing).

user there's nothing worse than a man who shows no interest in you. Like orhers have said, he's either conversationally useless or simply sees you in terms of a shag.

Thank you Bant. So I've decided I'm not going to message him again, and see if he messages me.

Just found out my new iron smokes...crap

He doesn't smoke 'crap' literally ...

That's grim fortune. Didnt he have that listed on his profile? How do you know?

I went out with a smoker once. Even though he onky smoked outside, EVERYTHING reeked of smoked. The whole of his house, my clothes, my hair, my things, even my toiletries bag and coat. It was horrible.

No he didn't, found out through them mutual questions on OKC.

Reckons he can stop in an instant...

I dumped someone about 6 months ago as he couldn't even sleep all night without having a smoke

Date two is over, there will not be date three.
Had a while in the V&A museum before we met, that was the best bit.

I was married to a smoker, I will not date anyone who smokes now.

Oh dear fortuna. I've dated smokers too and wouldn't again. It's one of my deal breakers.

I had a date at the weekend. It was very pleasant and I felt relaxed. I am going to call him mr different. We've been whatsapping a lot since. He is different from anyone I know but there's something nice about him, I can't explain it.

I don't have any childcare at all on weekday evenings so I can only date at weekends. hopefully the weekend after this one we will meet again and finally after a year of dating I will stop being the one date wonder.

Fingers crossed for you motheroreily

Decided to go on a date with the 'light smoker' it's later this morning. We spoke on phone last night for over an hour n got on well so we'll see...

What went wrong lettuce? I take it you did like him to go on date 2?

What happened lettuce?
No I'm not keen on dating smokers either. Wildcard does not smoke and he eats loads of vegetables and fruit. I've realised I really dislike infantile men who won't eat their vegetables!

Faron
LoL @ infantile men who won't eat their vegetables

I completely agree. The last guy I was seeing claimed to hate salad and vegetables, especially onions. He used to stand over me when I cooked to make sure I didn't use anything he didn't like in the food. One day we went to either McDonalds or Burger King and he happily tucked into a burger that had raw onion, lettuce, tomato's and shredded carrots claiming the sauce drowned out the taste of the salad & veggies in the burger (idiot). I knew I had to end it when I contemplated making him a pie using dog food to see if he would notice.

I had a date last night, lovely guy but not for me. I'll probably see him again as a friend for a bit of company to go and see a film or grab a drink. But no romantic interest from my side.

I'm taking a break for OLD probably for the rest of this year. I'm going to focus on getting my body back to the weight/shape I used to be in and I'm going to re-visit old hobbies. I miss ballroom dancing, I stopped going because I was fed up of being the only single woman there. I think I'm in a space where I'm over that now and just need to get on with it and just enjoy my life.

Oh, I so agree about the smoking and the vegetables. One ex used to only eat carrots and peas (as veg, he ate all sorts of other crap) and one day he said to me "can you stop giving me carrots and peas, I'm bored of them now", I thought he meant he wanted to try something else but noooo, he just meant "I never want to eat any vegetables" - fucking child.

We lived together and we ended up cooking separate meals.

Anyway, yes, I need a proper grown up. You're allowed to not like a few things, of course. I don't like coffee or eggs. Ex didn't like avocado or courgette. But, that ex would happily have eaten dog food. The most undiscerning eater ever. I hated him making food for me because it was always just horrible.