The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I've chatted to a few men on POF and on tinder and none of them are very interesting. I closed down a few exchanges on POF last night when I realised that nothing was intriguing me about those guys (just really poor language and spelling is a dealbreaker). the most articulate and pleasant seeming man is on tinder.... but he is definitely still hung up on his ex.

With all of them I have approached the conversation by asking pleasant and neutral questions - just to get the conversation going. none of them have asked me a thing. They are all men who approached me (ie you would think they are motivated to get an interesting conversation going) but they are all very comfortable with me doing the conversational "work" and showing interest in them that is not remotely reciprocated in me.

So no irons at all really.

not feeling very enthusiastic....

Do you mind me asking how you get an online conversation going? Any tips? Whatever I am doing is not bringing the best out in these guys. Or, nothing on earth could ever make them interesting

x-post with squeeks - I won't have any advice for you but many on this thread will! What is the situation?

Mr Texan just popped round on his way past to say hi and a bit of snogging!

I've hidden my OLD profiles and he's deleted his tinder. I think I might actually have a boyfriend. Blimey.

Squeeks what do you need advice with?

Antigrinch you to be honest I've found that if you have to try with the conversation it's probably not worth it. They should be asking about you and things you like. I'd your profile detailed enough do you think?

Thanks AntiGrinch
Apologies I sound about 12 but I'm midforties.
I started a new job sept 2015 saw a guy incredibly good looking my age etc n found out he was single. I tried talking but was desperately shy and found him not very approachable. I'm pretty happy and upbeat so didn't really try harder anyway....

Last month or so he's been a lot more chatty n talking in groups with me as well as talking about mutual interests
Last Wednesday he asked me if I'd like to spend more time with him through the summer- we are both teachers n I said yes n then asked if I'd like to go away on holiday
I thought friends but he gave me his number and we started texting - flirting very quickly. He told me he'd liked me for a long time but didn't think I was interested and I confessed about my crush (leaving out the year I wasn't that interested as thought he wasn't and good looks don't replace a personality) so we kissed on Friday n said he wanted more than friends I'm v obviously keen and interested. He texts me to meet for coffee Saturday all good chatting n laughing texts me to say how much he likes me afterwards then...
He goes quiet Saturday eve doesn't text Sunday then Monday am, this morning pretty much ignores me after saying Saturday that as we are both free we should meet up this pm

I know that he's not that into me and I'm listening to empowering songs and have run an extra tutorial for lovely students which is very happy and uplifting but I so hate this

I hate dating, relationships, uncertainty and the whole hope thing I've been single for years - I want to act 12 n lie on my bed and cry but have to be grown up... and it's not fair!!!!

Please give me kind words

Aw squeeks it's so horrible when they blow hot and cold and you don't know what to think, I do feel for you, we've all been there!

If it were me I'd back off and just be 'normal' and let him come to you. Bit odd to be mentioning going on holiday so soon though.

He may just have stuff going on that's keeping him preoccupied, trouble is you just don't know and that's shit.

Believe me we all feel about 12 when this sort of stuff is going on!

Maybe sign up to a dating site and you will have other men to pique your interest?

Fiery - daytime snogs?! [faints]

Maybe my profile isn't detailed enough - I should take another look at it.

AntiGrinch - I've had that too. Maybe ask them something about their profile or something you have in common and see how they respond? Or ask them something utterly random and see what they say? If the conversation is boring online I'm guessing it will be in person... although has worked the other way round for me too .

Finally been asked out on a date! He's funny but I'm not sure I find him attractive (from his photos).

So, a question for all of the experienced daters here Is online attraction a good indicator of 'real life' attraction? Or can it go completely the other way?

Great news Smeaton!! When's the next date?

That's true Smeaton, thanks.

Your date sounds fun! Actually loads of the dates on here sound fun! Not jealous at all

Yeah but we've all had lots of shockers too!

My worst one was probably this weekend, nothing shocking, he was just boring. Why am I seeing him again?

Favourite first date was Newmarket horse racing museum 😍 craziest and most extravagant was a trip to Marseille (recently, Feb? March?) he would have been the absolute perfect man for me but so shockingly rubbish in bed (dated on and off until recently) really disappointing).

@Fieryfighter. I think I'm in the same situation as you!!! Fifth date yesterday and....not going to say anymore. He's deleted his Tinder and I've hidden my profile. I think I might have a boyfriend too!!

So all of you on here stick with it. There are some good guys out there really. Make it really clear in your profile what you are after and what you're not and read theirs carefully. With regards to pictures I think my man looks better in real life than his profile pictures but it was a combination of sensible pictures and a decent profile that attracted me. And when I met him, I liked the way he dressed as well. And also he said I looked better in real life too!

fedupandnogin oooh how exciting! Very pleased for you. Mr Texan has even seen me make up free and in running gear as was totally unprepared for his visit today! He did call 5 mins before thank god - I don't do unannounced visitors! Least it wasn't after the run as I look like nothing on earth after 😂.

Right so I went home with the mechanic on sat night after a cracking night out. He flung himself at me and I couldn't really handle it. I slept over but we just had a cuddle - no deed doing not even a snog I wouldn't let him. Think it's fair to say either my instincts kicked in about it being too complicated or I'm just not ready to date.

Otoh it was lovely. Argh

Exh has fecked off back to work for a few weeks so I won't have any time off from the kids now for a while. Thinking maybe that's for the best

Fiery fighter Texan voices are lovely - congratulations! He sounds lush!

Maybe it was all a bit quick - it was just so exciting and the holiday was sort of as friends - before we'd compared notes on attraction

We are working together tomorrow morning we'll be busy but ill be able to check out if he's actually ignoring me or just not texting

I really don't like all the hope/uncertainty though so might just forget it - I'm so shocked he asked me then was so happy and now feel confused and sad - I'm so hopeless at relationships 😭

How do people do it? Put themselves out there where people can hurt them it's awful

We do it because we have hope! I forgot believe there's people out there for everyone and sometimes it's not easy to meet people for whatever reason so you do have to put yourself out there.

I work for myself so never met anyone through that, I'm in a small town and most single men I know I know their exes etc and the hobbies I do don't have any eligible men so had to do OLD and put myself out there or I'd never meet anyone!

You ladies seem right persom to ask.

Very newly single and decided to give OLD a go. All rather new to me. Was chatting to a guy today few messages back and forth he asked me for a drink. Said to let him know when I was free as he knows I have a super busy scedule.

Then he gave me his number and told me to stay in touch.

WTF. This is totally differant to what I am used to. Normally guys do the chasing so now the balls in my court. The power dynamic has totally changed.

Is this the done thing? Am I over thinking it? Is it a bit odd? I am guessing hes not that kean otherwise he would just ask my number surely?

Urgh I have realised online dating makes me over annalise things like my 15year old self. Been a while since I have analysed messages etc. All most perculiar!

I think that's four happy people on OLD if I'm counting correctly. That's positive to hear...I'm hoping Mr Cook is as good as he seems, but trying not to OI.

Littlelondoner what works for some people won't for others but I like being chased a bit so know wht you mean .

Hello waves I've just seen this! Getting back into dating after being single for 2 years. I went on tinder and after only getting a few matches I started chatting to one guy, and pretty much haven't stopped!
We've had one date so far which went really well - he lives around 2 hours drive from me (family live in the same area as me hence matching) and have another planned for Wednesday, they're stretched out as either we've both been busy or at work as he works odd shifts.
So I guess I just wanted to join and say I'm excited that I've hit it off with someone after I thought I'd be single forever, and also the only person I really spoke to! We have a lot in common.
Has anyone have much experience of long distance relationships? Although not that far away it's not exactly close!

Is it wrong also that I want our date on Wednesday to be at mine

JSghost I haven't had experience, but set my search criteria to within a 45-60 min travel perimeter. Maybe a bit lazy, but that inludes two fairly heavily populated areas so it has been ok so far. Have you thought about the longterm options of how to see more of each other? bit early I know, but I always think ahead .