The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Btw I was laughing at John. I'm a slow texted apparently

I'm not sure if those questions about who you're going out with and where are red flags - probably amber?

If you've been talking about lots of other things, going to X with your sister, going to Y with your DC, and lots of other detailed conversation, then it's only kind of natural to ask that kind of thing if someone is interested in your life. It doesn't mean he's suspicious or controlling, just that he's naturally showing the same level of interest.

Sorry for being more of a lurker than contributor but I need advice about someone I've met not through OLD. He's a friend of a friend and I thought he looked nice from his Facebook profile. She said he was def single and a really nice guy. So she messages him to say I think he looks cute (I know all rather immature) and he sounded keen to meet.

So I went along to an event he was playing at yesterday (in a band) and it was massively awkward. We're both a bit shy and my friends boyfriend was there and being extremely rude to him. So he went off to talk to other people and I left soon after.

So I messaged him last night to apologise for the friends boyfriends rudeness. We chatted a bit, I put a couple of subtle hints out there but wasn't getting super eager vibes.

So he's having a party next weekend, friend is invited and I was going to go too but am beginning to wonder if I should not bother. Her boyfriend will be there and I can't stand any more time in his company and I don't want to go to his party if I'm not wanted. He hasn't mentioned the party to me directly.

Should I cut my losses?

I'm here and alive! He's left not long ago. I may be a ruined woman 😂.

We chatted, snogged, ate my curry which he loved, watch a film, had super hot awesome sex, watched another movie, had more super awesome sex, finally slept about half two/3 ish. Cuddles in the night, mute sex this morning, breakfast, chat and even more sex. It was fucking phenomenal. He asked to see me whenever I'm free this week and we're spending my next child free weekend together.

I'm happy to report he's definitely in proportion, in fact more than quite honestly 😂.

I am going to be walking like a cowboy myself for days.

Yee haw!

Mute sex? I meant more sex! Definitely wasn't mute...

We're all pleased for you, Fieryfighter. At least someone in this thread is getting some! Glad he was as hoped...

I've exchanged half a dozen ESSAYS now with Mr Nice. To be honest, I'm getting very tired. I don't know what we would have left to talk about in person, and I'm still not physically attracted to him. He seems hugely intellectual, more so than me, and very stereotypically academic. I am tempted to suggest just meeting him, because I am otherwise just going to acquire a pen pal for life. That said, I don't think we'll be a match physically. But we have a lot in common and maybe it's worth the risk.

Had some disappointing messages today - all the other meet me matches have been dull. Dull, dull, dull.

I have been brave and re-done my profile to include more photos, including a full length one a friend took without telling me at an event, so I think it's easier to visualise what I look like now. I think with the last guy, we were a good match for everything apart from chemistry, so more photos should help avoid a repeat of that.

Woohoo Fiery glad it was everything you were hoping for!!

pringle you do need to meet him ASAP I would suggest. And well done on the profile update.

I'm on pof now, and have a potential iron...

Pringle more images can only be a good thing. You want someone who appreciates your curves! my curves are in the wrong places mainly through age but underwear can fix

Mr Cook is messaging regularly and keen for more snogging, but I'm pleased is still talking in terms of romance and intimacy rather than dick pics and crude jokes .

Fiery I loved your post!

You enjoy it and share please as it's like a good gossip

anothernew Have you named your new iron yet?

LanaDReye I think I'm talking to about a dozen different men on POF at the moment. One of them has got to be interesting... And I've had some new Meet Me matches post selecting them and post the profile update so clearly the new photos aren't putting men off. I just need to find the right one. Just one...

Mr Cook is sounding good. Hoping he can live up to Mr Texan when the time comes. Fieryfighter is definitely winning at the moment!

Pringle I get easily fed up with pen pals, the sooner you can meet the better or you end up knowing everything about them, building a picture of what they are like only to be disappointed when you actually meet, because you have been talking so much you feel pressured into hitting it off when you meet but it doesn't always happen. I have had a few 'pen pals' the last couple of months and eventually (if they don't suggest meeting) I just stop responding.

Firey glad it went well and you got loads of sex , feeling slightly jealous.

Mr Surf phoned me this afternoon as promised, I'm not sure when we are meeting, we tried to sort out a date but he seems really busy and on the days he is free I am not. He said he's very interested and really wants to see me again, he's working in London all week but wants to try and meet for diner next week sometime. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it, he seems quite keen but I don't know if I can cope with another relationship that involves seeing each other once every couple of weeks. I don't want to meet for dinner, I'm desperate for Sex, he said it's ok to take things slowly but a woman has needs .
So what do I do? Do I meet up with a FB whilst I'm waiting for Mr Surf ? I had a offer today but turned it down. I have quite a high sex drive and I can't wait a month for Mr Surf to make time.

I hid my profile on POF mainly because Mr Surf had and because I was already talking to 4 men.

Lovemusic33 Remind us, how many dates have you had with Mr Surf? And have either of you hinted about exclusivity yet apart from hiding your online profiles?

Only one date, he told me he had hid his profile before the date, I hadn't hidden mine until last night, I think I need a bit of a break from being on there anyway (not because of Mr Surf) ,I struggle to talk to too many at once, I almost sent a whatsapp to the wrong man earlier.

I just feel a repeat of what I went through a few months ago with Mr MOD and going weeks without seeing each other. I don't want to rush things but would be nice to see him once or twice a week. He's not a big texter either, prefers to talk on the phone. There's no talk of being exclusive so it's fine if I see other people?

Lovemusic33 One date? You don't owe him anything. I don't think you even really know if you want anything further until you've had at least three dates with someone.

If you want to spend time with a FB, just do it. I mean, this second date with Mr Surf may not even happen. It's so far into the future and could get cancelled/rearranged indefinitely.

Do what feels right. You're still very much single at this point.

Thanks Pringle you are right, I have next weekend off, if Mr Surf can't see me then I will arrange to see someone else, Mr Surf knows I am free on Sunday but he asked if I could be free Saturday instead as Sunday is his 'rest day' , this just made me feel like he's not that bothered, who has a reserved 'rest day' each week? My rest days are date days.

Lovemusic he has a rest day 😂

Lovemusic33 I am hugely busy. But I was thinking about it earlier and if I really liked someone, I'd make time for them. The same logic applies to Mr Surf.

Maybe your next date will go well, maybe you'll eventually fall madly in love and have amazing sex, but for now, he's just a stranger you've had one date with. One date. Don't promise him too much and don't over invest.

You've got options. And you've got this!

LM Rest day pahahaha! You can continue to date as many as you like. (My rest day is date day too). You are the prize!!!!

I was thinking I should name the iron but, turns out he has big issues. I'm a magnet for them. And should probably avoid. I just want someone ready for a healthy relationship! Can you find them on OLD?

Gah. I'm sure it's not me. But I do give way too many chances. Must not settle.

I was trying to work out why it's so important to have a relationship... I don't need a man; I want one! And exploring this further it's a lot about sex! Is that ok to admit? I want a man who wants to spend time with me, be on my team, and ravish me (& be ravished) regularly!

I've just finished a book which talked about interviewing men for the best job they've ever had; i.e. A relationship with us! It was annoying at times, but blunt, and overall helpful. A date is just part of the interview process...

I'm tired now. Talking to this many men is exhausting. I am really fighting back after the platonic date! I need a decent iron to emerge victorious.

anothernew If there ever was a thread for oversharing, this is it. I can look after myself - I have my shit together emotionally and financially and I'm happy on my own. But I'd like to go out for a nice romantic dinner to a fancy restaurant once in a while... I'd like to spend the day watching TV snuggled up next to a good man... I'd like to have the kind of mindblowing sex that only happens when you trust the other person completely. I would like a relationship again.

But I am not prepared to settle. If he doesn't really want me, then he's not worth me. Sometimes we all need to remind ourselves that there is something worse than being single... and that's being in a crap relationship. Nothing lonelier than that.

For both parties :)

Bant Absolutely.

Pringle you've hit the nail on the head again. I do recall being v frustrated at how many men (probably women too) in the dating pool just do not have their shit together.

bant, any chance of a recap on the merits of the various dating sites? Hope you have it saved somewhere handy to copy and paste... I wasn't paying proper attention when you did it the last few times (because I thought I wouldn't need it again 😭😂)

Very well said Pringle bollocks to settling, I'd far rather be single than in a relationship that doesn't tick enough boxes or make me happy most of the time (can't be perfect all of the time)

I also think the 'rest day' is rubbish, if you want to see someone you make time and don't care if it's in your 'rest day'