The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I caved and checked my phone. Delivered, but not read. So it's not necessarily a brush off... yet. Right, back to putting the phone in the other room...

Lovemusic33 Mr Surf sounds keen.

I must admit, I've never seen a man carrying a cat in a bag...

Queenofthedrivensnow Dating a colleague is tricky. I wouldn't do it again.

Movingon1611 A week is a long time in OLD. What sort of clothes do you feel comfy in? If you hate wearing dresses, don't wear one of them. Apart from the fact you'll hold yourself a bit awkwardly if you don't like the outfit you select, it'll give off the wrong impression of you. I always aim to go dressed as a sightly better version of my daily self.

unavita I haven't used Tinder, but I assume like Bumble you don't get a lot of text to play with? If there's not a lot of space, I list a few of my hobbies as it gives people something to consider if they have in common and/or to use to strike up a conversation with.

anothernew My house looks OK at the moment. Because I've stuffed everything into boxes, not because it's actually tidy or organised. I have no idea where anything is now...

Thanks pringle I think you get 500 words, not sure. The FB photos that came up automatically were a pretty good cross section of my interests - recent trip, on a horse, running a race, cuddling my dog. I could elaborate or write about new interests I'm thinking of taking up? Everything that sounds ok in my head looks odd there!

Pringle- I know a weeks a long time but it's the soonest I could get a babysitter so not much choice.
Thanks for the clothing tips, def not a dress kind of gal so will stick with jeans and a nice top I think 😊

unavita The way I approach it is people will look at your pics and decide if they're potentially attracted to you or not. They then look at your text to decide if they can have a conversation with you. Assuming of course they're interested in speaking to you and not just after a quick shag.

The dog is a pretty standard OLD pic!

There are so many people I'm chatting with simply because they've got dogs 😀

Pringle go on send a brief friendly one! I actively try to get in first if I like someone, nothing ventured nothing gained?

Fiery I hope it's good want to live vicariously whilst I'm not getting any

Movingon1611 Keep chatting to other irons - that way, if it doesn't work out, you still have the babysitter and can arrange another date with someone else at short notice. Definitely go with jeans and a nice top, you'll feel more "you" and you'll still look gorgeous.

LanaDReye Ha, yeah, it's nearly 8pm. Hope Mr Texan realises we're all relying on him to serve up some good mooseburgers! Sometimes I think I'll never have MBs again. It's been a long time...

I missed a page of updates somehow, Pringle it's good you sent message. I hope he replies soon!

LanaDReye He said it was nice to meet me too. I was kind of hoping for either silence (ghosting, socially acceptable in London these days) or "let's do it again" (so you know where you stand). Hmmm. I'm still no clearer.

Fuck me, I thought I had ages to get ready as he was late back in town but I miscalculated and have had to frantically sort my hair and make up in 15 mins! He's ten minutes away....

I've made a bloody phenomenal curry even if I do say so myself (mild so no scary upset tummies)

I have good knickers on.

Kinda hope he brings his cowboy hat 😂😂😂

Fieryfighter Have a great night! We shall expect no updates for ages, because we all know you have plans...

Argh Pringle he's left it hanging and bounced it back!

I would bounce it back again and say "wasn't [insert idea] funny, it's good we have the same sense of humour?" Or something else vague relating to sumilarity. See if that pushes things further!

LanaDReye Sod this overthinking. I've asked him if he wants to do it again. That's a yes or no question!

LanaDReye Well, I put myself out there. I was brave. Onwards and upwards...

Pringle brilliant that's a jump in confidence to go for it!

Hi, can I join in? New to OLD in the last few weeks and want to check out if whats happened to me is the norm.

The first iron I spoke to was all for meeting up after a week or so of chatting. We pencilled in a date and then he asked if I wanted a dick pick as "all the other women he spoke to wanted one before they met" Yeah right :) I said no thanks and I preferred to see it in person as and when the time was right and maybe after a few dates. He sent one anyway so I told him he was an idiot and blocked him.

Second iron came across as very charming - met up with him for a drink. Conversation flowed but he said he was only in my area working Monday to Friday on a project and went home to see his grown up children and grandchildren every weekend. Possible red flag so when I got home I googled his OLD picture and he came up on Linked in with the same picture with 6 different names. (Thanks catfish the TV show for the tips) Checked facebook for the names and one came up with his picture of him and his wife. His wifes profile made reference to him working away from home Mon-Fri for 6 months. Messaged him using his real name and hey presto two minutes later his POF profile disappeared!

Third iron seemed shy but eventually asked for a meeting tonight by text earlier in the week. I agreed and then when I messaged the following day he did not read message and I've heard nothing since.

Please tell me there are some decent men out there.

Was it a no pringle or no response yet?

Oh that sounds awful contrast, I've been on Tinder a week and met someone who was great fun (spent the night with him twice, it's not a long term prospect for various reasons but a great start. He was hilarious!) then someone today who is probably not my type but not sure if he was nervous or whatever so I've suggested a few things for us to do in the week, just to see if there's anything there. He was great on the phone but it didn't flow so well in person.

Then there are just millions (about 75 🙀) to sift through before I'll exchange numbers.

contrastcolour I still haven't had a dick pic. I feel like I'm losing at OLD. They seem to be a rite of passage!

Liars and ghosters are common. With that said, a couple of the dates I've had have seemed normal; just we haven't had any chemistry so there's been no point communicating further. I hope there are some good men out there...

LanaDReye I don't think he's interested and is too nice to say so. Ah well. Good luck to him.

unavita I said something jokey and asked him if he wanted to do it again. He replied to the jokey part. I am taking it as a no. Think he's too nice to be blunt.

Argh. It's so awkward isn't it! Well done for asking though.

unavita Going to lick my wounds tonight, then hit up POF again tomorrow. It was a good practice run, I suppose.

like you say, onwards and upwards

does make me wonder if it's a bit mean to go on a 2nd date with someone you're about 70% sure you don't fancy, or if it's normal to keep your options open

Pringle yes it's practice until it works - that's what I'm taking it all as. Also the weird and contradictory messages and bullshit issues are something we all face on OLD. I haven't had a dick pic initially, but a man I dated on OLD sent me a video (him having fun alone yuck). It was all on a downward spiral at that point!

Contrast you've also had some bad luck but there is no way of avoiding these game players unclear people. I've heard horror stories from men and know it happens both ways. Sometimes it just can't get any worse 😂

Mr Cook is writing but I think he has gone to the other extreme and thinks he knows me. We had a good date but it takes time to really know someone. I'm still at the interrogation asking questions stage.