Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water

[JuanPotatoTwo]

New thread :). Thought I'd start this one like I ended the last one - Bertie crashed out after a busy day's mischief making.

[DramaAlpaca]

Jane just go for it with the washing, you know you just have to chance it in this country. A friend of mine hangs everything out & leaves it there, she reckons if she leaves it out for a week it always dries. Some people on MN would have total conniptions over that

Lovely news about the race Chasing.

Wishing everyone a nice Friday, see you all later x

[Chasingsquirrels]

The race thing isn't uncommon. Normally it is the "Work name" race, but basically if you are sponsoring it you can name it. Lovely of work to do so - apparently the race course contacted them to ask if they wanted to.
John had been an annual member for many many years and went to most meets, he didn't get a membership last year as he decided he hadn't been to enough meets the year before to make it worthwhile - I'd say aren't you going, he'd say oh we'll do something together instead ☺. Then he was diagnosed and wouldn't have gone much anyway even if he had got the membership. A few of his friends / professional contacts had a box for him last September and there were about 30 friends and family who went and that was lovely. We sat outside at the end when most people had gone with just a couple of others and he'd had a really good day, although was clearly worn out, I can just see him sitting there. Then the race course manager, whose been there for years and who John got to know though various things, gave him a couple of annual passes for the rest of the season which was really lovely. I think he only went once but he was really touched by it.

It's made me cry writing this. I'm very lonely, I miss his presence in my life very much, but I haven't really thought about specific events much in the last few weeks, and doing so makes his absence seem even harder.

It's my birthday soon and one of my friends has kept asking what I'm going to do, and at first I thought nothing but I've started thinking maybe I should. Said friend has mentioned to another friend who texted the other day asking what I wanted and not to be railroaded by other friend . Anyway so I have texted my 2 other friends and they are both free as well so I think I'm going to suggest we all go out for a meal.

Then it will be the 1st anniversary of our wedding a few days later. That's hoping to be hard.

[DramaAlpaca]

Chasing just a big because you need one x

[echt]

Anniversaries can be a bit of a a challenge, squirrels.

The birthday meal sounds good, so go for it.

Today I received a letter from a recipient family, one whose member received my DH's lungs last year. It was touching beyond belief; glad to know the recipient is now an active parent and grandparent; well enough to walk their DD down the aisle but sad that this will never happen for our DD.

I'm in bits.

[bookbook]

massive ((hugs)) echt its one of those things that ought to uplift, but just puts you in a horrid mental place of why me, why us, why DH
Chasing another needing ((hugs))

[echt]

Spot on, bookbook. I smiled like a smiley thing at first, but then got sad later.

[Chasingsquirrels]

Oh echt, that must bring on a myriad of emotions. Big cyber hugs for you, from rainy ☔ England

Hopefully we will all have 🌈in our lives along with the pain.

[DramaAlpaca]

Oh echt. Another for you. What a wonderful gift your DH gave.

[TheWorldHasGoneToCake]

Oh wow echt that must be incredibly hard and painful, but what a wonderful thing that organ donation took place.

Squirrel that sounds like a lovely thing. I'm sorry that you're still finding it all hard. I can't imagine getting to your first anniversary without your husband. (((hug)))

I'm thinking I will just email him to meet me at the bank next Saturday to have my name removed. He can go on his own with the form I signed, but I can't if he signs it go on my own. I admit that I'm still scared to stand up to him/have any confrontation so feel this will ruffle the least amount of feathers.

Anyone heard from Juan? Not seen her around since Wednesday. Maybe she's having tech issues too...

[Chasingsquirrels]

This week had been less down, I don't for one moment think that there aren't going to be more down weeks, or that I'm "over the worst", but at the moment I will happily take having a week that's been okay.
Mon - work was just alright then pub saw friend in the evening, then stayed up to late and went to sleep about 1am.
Tue - work was okay, then sorted some stuff, taxi'd for the boys then went out for tea with the boys and my mum, to use up club card vouchers.
Wed - client meeting, collected John's ashes, saw SIL.
Thu - client meeting, some Estate stuff, course in the afternoon then easy evening.
Fri - didn't do much thus morning (at all), just had my hair but an off to see John's best friend & wife for cake.

Just wish I was still sharing it all with John.

[TheWorldHasGoneToCake]

I'm sure! Big hugs and some

Do you have plans for the weekend or just going to have a quiet one?

Feeling washed out hate being a bloody woman at times so probably as quiet as possible here. Not helped by unending rain, rain and more rain.

[bookbook]

Just popping head around the door ,
hope afternoons are going well -
It is the misery of rain all day here , so in and out doing bits, going to shops etc
put your feet up Cake
Thoughts and Prayers xx

[Chasingsquirrels]

Agree with that - put your feet up.
Hugs x

[TheWorldHasGoneToCake]

Just eating ice cream now. DS has a temp of 39 so guessing I won't get much sleep tonight!

[bookbook]

Evening
Have had a very quite day all told, just had a cheering up session by listening to I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
Cake - hope the night is better than anticipated , Calpol and Nurofen at the ready I guess.
Hope everyone has a restful night ,

[Willow2017]

Hope everyone having a chilled evening.

Squirrels what a lovely gesture from your work even if its bittersweet for you. Your anniversary will be hard I am sure there is nothing anyone can say to make it easier ((hugs))

echt another bittersweet moment, it must be such a conflict of emotions for you. ((hugs))

cake hope your baby is better soon. I remember those days/nights. Give your ds some ice cream, might cool him down

My crazy teen has just smacked his hand off the washing machine (it sticks out a bit) you would think he was being murdered! I literally had to scream at him to get him to tell me what he had done! God its hard to cuddle someone bigger than you but thats all us mums want to do! Poor soul he couldnt move his finger and thumb, but a cold wet towel and resting it and calpol worked wonders he has a nice bruice, cut and some marks but fingers crossed its ok tomorow. He has already suggested that it might stop him going shopping tomorrow...ha ha nice try buster!

Havent done any painting today as was aching all over, my dodgy knee woke me up early complaining loudly about having to get up and down on chair yesterday to reach the ceiling and my neck joined in in sympathy Old age doesnt come itself

Beautiful a.m. but raining by lunchtime and hasnt stopped, so much for doing the garden tomorrow.

Good night to all.

[Chasingsquirrels]

Oh poor teen Willow, although giving someone bigger than yourself calpol did make me smile.

Hope you have a better night than expected Cake.

We are just home from MIL's!
Got there about 8.30pm for an hour. Had some nibbles then at 10pm niece (that sounds weird, I've aways thought of her as John's niece, not mine) suggested pokemon monopoly which her partner had got for her birthday - my boys being both monopoly and pokemon fans jumped at the chance and (ds1 in particular) having been not to keen to go then spent a happy 2 hours bonding with their step family that they never got much of a chance to know - they'd met niece a few times but she lived in various places since I met John and we'd usually see his sister & husband on him days when the boys were with exH. They'd met, and more so over the last year, but not so much their adult kids.
Lovely evening, nice to hear about the races, reminisced a bit about John. Laughed (cos it's better than crying) about the ashes. And the you come home, and wish again I could share the afterwards with him. Posting on the Internet is really no substitute for going to sleep with the person you love, then waking up in the morning together.
Hopefully no one will wake up very early tomorrow.

[TheWorldHasGoneToCake]

Ah Squirrel that sounds like a lovely evening but it must be such a wrench to go home alone as it were. Hope you and the boys have a good sleep.

We had a rubbish night. He won't entertain Neurofen but luckily did have a dose of Calpol before bed but refused all offers through the night. Tried to get up for the day at 3am! Finally gave in at 5! Watching telly.

Willow I wouldn't mind so much if he was a baby, but he's 5 next month and always been a rubbish sleeper. Between him and DH and his insomnia, I guess it's no wonder I feel like a zombie all the time.

Today is going to be a very quiet one, might go back to sleep once DH gets up and then seeing a friend for coffee later.

book you should be taking it easy

Clear skies here at the moment but guessing it won't last!

[Willow2017]

Ssquirrels* he can't take tablets he gags and faffs like he is being poisened. Goodness knows what he will do when he is older 😀

cake get yourself back to bed you deserve it. 5 or 15 they are still our babies 😀 I just don't know when mine grew into a giant it seemed to happen overnight!

Still raining here blooming miserable. Will be even harder to prize teen out the door😀

[Chasingsquirrels]

I was the same as a child+, I remember having junior aspirin (I think) for a long time - orange flavor and just dissolved in your mouth.

[TheWorldHasGoneToCake]

DD is nearly as tall as me but only little still so she does squash me when she's really hurt/sad and I get her on my lap.

Rain forecast for 11 onwards here.... bleugh

[Willow2017]

Bold fail!!

[bookbook]

Morning all
Willow - they still love a cuddle - it does make it feel better! - hope you can drag him out :) ( btw you can buy sachets of calpol, or could he use the dissolvable aspirin/paracetamol)
oh Cake - no sleep again , you must be on your knees. DGS had lots of ill health when little ( all sorted when he had his tonsils out when he was 2) and Wall.e i s still the film watched when he is properly poorly ( though fingers crossed that has barely happened since) it virtually sends him into a trance.
Chasing - that sounds like a good night, everyone enjoying things together, but a rubbish finish for you x
No rain here yet, but off to work in the little shop run by the horticultural society. Then need to head out to do a bit of shopping. I am hoping the rain holds off, as I really need to get some planting out done down at the allotment, but the forecast doesn't look hopeful.
Have a good day everyone
Juan - thinking of you
Thoughts and Prayers xx

[Chasingsquirrels]

Haven't looked at the forecast yet, it's our village Feast (which isn't actually a feast but a small village hall fair) today and the scouts are helping set up so the boys are to be there at 12 rather than the normal 10am start, which is good as we all did sleep a bit later after last night.
Ds2 is also dancing the maypole at the Feast.

I didn't feel "rubbish" going home without John last night, but I do miss his presence more at certain times than others - and those are the quiet times we'd have together, chatting about the day, touching & loving.

We have a tonne of dissolvable paracetamol from when John couldn't swallow tablets, and then he just found them faster working. I'm imagining a 15yo having to swig half a bottle of calpol to have much effect. Hope his hand is okay this morning.

[Willow2017]

book Might try the dissolvable ones although he has a thing about tastes and textures drives me mad😀 just back from swimming with ds2 and lazy sod still in bed! Phoned him about 5 times to warn him to no avail.
No jury would convict me😉

squirrels enjoy the fair hope it stays dry for you.

juan hoping you are too busy to post thinking of you.