Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water

982 replies

JuanPotatoTwo · 15/05/2017 16:20

New thread :). Thought I'd start this one like I ended the last one - Bertie crashed out after a busy day's mischief making.

Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water
OP posts:
Thread gallery
22
bookbook · 17/05/2017 14:05

well, I was so long posting, you came back Willow - - and Drama . I will have to speed up my typing and editing :)

Willow2017 · 17/05/2017 14:10

Book
Not 3 coats of the whole bathroom, just the plaster patches. Perish the thought! I have abandoned the mess in the bathroom/landing as will do another coat later and maybe start the painting proper tonight. I am pretty nifty with a paintbrush and paint pad but I get half way through and think why the hell did I start this? Grin

DramaAlpaca · 17/05/2017 15:49

I had cheese on toast for lunch. Twas yummy.

As for scones, I really am a total heathen. First butter, then jam, then a blob of cream on top Shock.

And I pronounce scone to rhyme with gone, though everyone here pronounces it to rhyme with stone so I have to force myself to do the same if ordering one in a cafe.

JuanPotatoTwo · 17/05/2017 19:37

Drama I am your scone twin in every particular :)

Cake sorry you're having a stressful day, I hope things have improved as the day has gone on. Don't fret about the biscuits - time and a place for everything, and it sounded like today was the time and the place for biscuits.

Willow you have been busy today - I am the opposite of nifty with a paint brush. In fact, my efforts to paint what was once our family room one weekend when Mark was away led to a new kitchen - long story, but worth it in the end :)

Squirrels how did you feel about picking up the ashes? I did offer Mark's siblings and his best friend some of Mark's but nobody wanted any. Apart from the very small amount that will be used up in our tattoos, and the similarly small amount to mix in with his roses, I'm going to keep them with me. A friend of mine has a lovely silver tear drop shaped container (bit like a salt or pepper container) which he has some of his parents' ashes in - he doesn't wear jewellery but wanted to be able to take them with him on his frequent travels so put them in there. When he's not travelling he keeps them by his bed, and the container just looks like a pretty silver ornament.

I've had another mixed sort of a day. Met an old and lovely friend this morning who had bought me an assortment of candle holders and tealights which I thought was so kind of her. We went and had coffee and a heart to heart. Then I went to my friend's house - the very self absorbed one. She is a single parent and is having a lot of trouble with hr 17yr old dh, and I really feel for her. You can't fault her as a parent, she has always looked after her children physically and emotionally wonderfully, but for some reason the 17yr old has really gone off the rails. She has reached out and accessed all available help, both for herself in terms of parenting courses, and for him in terms of counsellors, schools/college support, council drug support teams, young offenders teams, police etc. Today she was upset because she finally threw him out after he became verbally and physically aggressive towards her, his sister and their house. She is without doubt having an awful time, and while I was with her, I tried to support her in any way I could, and I felt busy and useful.

But then I came home and got hit by a "there but for the grace of god" feeling because my ds2 has been difficult - nothing at all on that level, but I'm pretty sure if Mark hadn't been around things would have been worse. Now he's wonderful (well, perhaps 'wonderful' is over selling it a bit, but he's a good lad, about to do his A levels, with an apprenticeship lined up for August, very into health and fitness etc). Of course, I still have 12 yr old ds3 to steer through the choppy waters of teendom, and 12 is such a bad time (not that there's ever a good time) to lose your Dad. I hope and pray he will be ok though - he's currently a calm, eager to please, loving boy who has his three elder siblings to guide him, plus dd's boyfriend who he loves.

I'm sorry - I feel I've gone on and on, but long story short is, that I'm feeling a bit melancholy again tonight, and missing Mark :(

OP posts:
bookbook · 17/05/2017 20:03

Juan - I think it is understandable, the melancholy . But remember , you also have DS1 and DS2 , who will help I'm sure - there is no doubting that having a good parent helps in forming character, and they will be there to support you. ((hugs))
As parents, I do think we all walk the 'there but for the grace of god' tbh in some form or another, and angst over them and their futures. But you have been part of a team giving good parenting, so hold onto that thought.
Thoughts and Prayers as always

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 17/05/2017 20:51

Ah bless you all. I did manage to go for a jog and tonight was better so I guess it's all balanced out a bit.

Still raining here.

Extra hug for you Juan can't promise that DS3 will be fine but he's lucky that he has a strong and loving family around him.

DH's birthday next week so planning a Pink Floyd cake for him (not that he really loves cake but tough!) We're off to the V&A to see the exhibit there in half term with MIL coming to babysit...have a feeling I will be eating lots of biscuits then too Wink

Willow2017 · 17/05/2017 21:34

Ooh Cake bet the exhibit will be fab. Seen it mentioned on tv with the story of the flying pig getting loose and causing chaos to air traffic control!
Glad tonight is a bit better, hope it lasts.

Juan your friend sounds like she needed a good friend round today what a shame about her son. Its natural to worry, I do about my teen and tween. Teen cos he is bolshi at the moment and I wonder if he will grow up over time and calm down, and tween cos he is such a sensitive gentle soul, bit like me when I was his age and I know how hard it is sometimes when people are mean to you and he has had his fair share at school.

The 'tear drop' sounds lovely, nobody mentioned I could do anything like that it when my parents died. Probably I was a bit naive. Glad you have that option if you want it.

I am a scone/gone too but we do have a saying "a scone and yone" both pronounced the same... will leave you to guess what 'yone' is Wink Oh and butter and jam please and if I am being decadent cream on top.

Car came back - had a broken spring but rest ok. Stupid exhaust light came back on but not forking out for a new sensor they are expensive and exhaust is fine anyway so they are not worried about the sensor.

Am having a cuppa then off to do more painting to keep up the momentum! Then tidy up bathroom a bit.

Wooly you are 300 miles away from me Sad So you will have to come a bit further north to be in the middle I fear Smile

magimedi · 17/05/2017 22:19

Sweetie, you will always miss Mark.

But you will find a balance again & you will find happy times.

News from here:

IT IS RAINING - it has been raining, proper rain since 6pm!

This is me - a few years ago!!

Dh has died and the MN lifesavers are helping us to keep our heads above water
bookbook · 17/05/2017 23:03

magi - Grin
well, early shift tomorrow - of to DD's to look after DGS, better get myself to bed
Night all, sleep well
Thoughts and Prayers x

DramaAlpaca · 17/05/2017 23:26

Loving the rain dance magi Grin

Juan how difficult for your friend. Dealing with teens can be so hard & I really feel for her.

I don't think you ever stop worrying about them really. None of mine ever went off the rails, but we've had our fair share of worries of a different sort. DS2 had severe depression in his late teens but thankfully he's OK now, and DS3 is prone to anxiety which makes things difficult for him at times. They are both sensitive, introverted sorts. DS1 is much more outgoing, happy go lucky and lives in the moment. He tells me I don't need to worry about him, but of course I do!

Willow2017 · 18/05/2017 10:05

Morning all.
Still painting did half bathroom last night but you can still see the patches. Not happy so given it another coat. I think it's gonna be like that no matter what I do 😐
Sitting on step with coffee as after glorious sunshine this am dark clouds are gathering and I have washing out! I am ready to pounce 😀😀

Hope you are all having a good morning.

JaneJeffer · 18/05/2017 12:30

Hi all, hope everyone is keeping well, not a bad day here. The sun is shining but there's a cold breeze. DDog sunning himself on the doorstep. I'm still getting over the cold and my sinuses are giving me gip.

Drama I also pronounce scone like you. I've never really thought that people might think I'm saying it wrong when I order one Grin I remember someone (maybe Ellen) asking Sarah Ferguson how to pronounce it and she agrees with me so we have the Royal-ish seal of approval.

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 18/05/2017 12:33

Hello ladies. apologies for not checking in first thing. We actually slept till the alarm went at 6:45 and I'd taken out clothes that required ironing, so we rushed around a bit.

I haven't had a great day so far, lets be honest here because I can

Having gone into the bank thinking they had made a silly admin error and not removed my mobile number from the joint acc ex and I held, I found out that no, actually I'm still on the account. He's still been using it and it did go into unarraged overdraft which is why I got a text.

Had it not be for that text I'd have been none the wiser, as he had promised it was all resolved back in 2013 when the court order etc went through bastard But to resolve it, I have to tell him that I know and worse, we have to go to the bank together to get my name removed. (He could go on his own with the form they've given me as I've signed it, but funnily enough I don't trust him!)

It's taken me back to all the lies and horridness and things are bad enough between us at the moment without this.

I cried over the poor bank man who was very kind and gave me a drink and then I went into the church just opposite to just calm down a bit.

While there, I lit a candle for Mark and John - I know you're not into religion Juan but I did say a while ago that I would if I got back in there. I lit a few candles there after my MC and it comforted me.

I've come home and cleaned the shiny shit out of the house while playing loud music. Now just feel completely worn out and deflated.

Sending everyone a hug. I will be back tonight after school run/swimming lessons/tea/homework/baths and bed...

JaneJeffer · 18/05/2017 12:45

Oh no Cake that's very stressful. Hope you get it sorted out amicably. At least you got a clean house out of a stressful situation! Flowers

magimedi · 18/05/2017 13:36

Cake - have a Brew & some Cake.

I have just had some wonderful news from DS & DIL - which I am not allowed to tell anyone about for another 8 weeks or so. Grin

Willow2017 · 18/05/2017 13:48

Cake what a git. Dont let him upset you, rise above him, he is not worth your time or energy. I prescribe Cake Brew and chill.

Finished bathroom but paint is very patchy, dont like it a bit! Will def need another coat.

magi oooh its not hard to guess? Grin Congrats. Wine

JaneJeffer · 18/05/2017 13:50

Congrats Magi whatever could it be?! Wink

bookbook · 18/05/2017 14:36

Afternoon all
Just back from the babysitting. I have Lego brain.....
It is glorious here today, so going to have a quick sit down and then off to go do some stuff at the allotment , while the weather is good.
Willow - just another coat .... :)
Cake - but at least you have a lovely clean house now , so thats a positive ( hugs)
well, I would congratulate if I only knew magi Grin
Back later, hope everyone has a nice afternoon x

DramaAlpaca · 18/05/2017 14:45

Cake how stressful for you, just what you don't need. Have some more Brew and Cake from me.

Willow your painting efforts remind me of when I spent a whole weekend painting the bathroom in our first house, it needed three coats. When it was finished I decided I couldn't stand the colour and it had to be done again. DH thought I was mad but left me to it - very wisely, I was pregnant & hormonal at the time.

magi ooh I wonder what the news could be???!! Hopefully congratulations are in order Smile

Willow2017 · 18/05/2017 14:58

Drama oooh I am a bit like that, bit of a perfectionist when it comes to painting, if I dont like it it gets changed Smile Fingers crossed the bathroom works out in the end, still have my bedroom to do!

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 18/05/2017 19:46

Hello all, thank you for your kind words and cake [happy]

Just about survived through the day. Yes, the house is clean but as we all know that doesn't last long!

Hoping that I can just ignore it for a day or two and then sort it out with some renewed energy...

I've been invited for a coffee and chat tomorrow morning with someone I don't know too well but that's good as far as I'm concerned. I think she's a lot like the ladies on here (my DD's friend's granny)

magi wonderful news. Hope that all goes smoothly.

Hope the painting sorts itself Willow. We have DD's room to do and then all of the downstairs! not to mention recarpeting the bedrooms, work on the guttering etc etc

Hope that you're OK Juan and Squirrel

bookbook · 18/05/2017 21:34

Evening all - hope you are okay Juan and Chasing )
Cake - glad to hear you survived .
well, sat down and had some chocolate ( I shouldn't , but hey...! )
Drama - that is so like me - very first house, feature colour wall - lovely on the little card, absolutely too much on a full wall - needed sunglasses. Being totally skint, we had put one coat on, so then went and bought extra white to tone it down - 4 to 1 I seem to remember :)
Thoughts and Prayers x

Chasingsquirrels · 19/05/2017 08:15

MN was a bit messed up yesterday and I could get 'threads I'm on', then when I managed to get here I write a long message and it wouldn't post. Very annoying.

magi 😊 that's lovely not-news 😉.

cake very annoying, glad you are feeling better about things today. Are you sure you can remove yourself from a joint account even with exH signature? I was told it couldn't be done as was John, different banks, and the account just had to be closed. I'd definitely suggest you ask the bank to freeze it, so nothing can happen with it.

Painting sounds good, I think my whole house needs it!

I think a better week this week than the last few, but I am sure it will be up and down.
If anyone is into horseracing - the 1st race (actually 2 as there were so many runners entered they have split the field) at Newmarket today is in John's name. One if the runners is Wonder of Dubai - and John spent a couple of years working there just after he'd qualified, so that had MIL in tears.
SIL, BIL, their 2 children and MIL are all going.

bookbook · 19/05/2017 08:29

Morning all
Hope everyone had a good night.
Chasing what a fabulous thing, having a race named after you., and good to hear that things a just a tweak better - a step forward .
well, its raining here again, so I will have to hold off going to do the work at the allotment (hopefully not all day )- I don't really believe the forecaster too much these days, but its not been wrong about the rain..... I have lined up cheese on toast for lunch !
Thoughts and Prayers x

JaneJeffer · 19/05/2017 09:58

squirrels that's lovely about the race. I've never heard of that being done before.

A bit overcast today. Debating whether to hang washing out or not.

Swipe left for the next trending thread