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Original poster

Anyone tricked their partner into having a baby?

261 replies

B42 · 13/05/2017 02:50

My friend is lovely, sweet, tough, strong willed.

Has been in a relationship for 4 years. Her dp loves her but as a result of a fucked up upbringing, won't marry her.

She doesn't care about marriage but at the age of 40, does care about the clock ticking with regards to kids.

He says he loves her to death. Doesn't want to be with anyone else, isn't looking. And wants children. But wants to be married first.

So catch 22.

She finally decided to take matters into her hands and stop taking the pill. Without his knowledge.
And is now pregnant. Has never been happier.

He is over the moon too.

But she is now feeling guilty that she "tricked" him.

Personally I think all's well that ends well.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Radishal · 13/05/2017 22:07

It's not clear that the man who was duped into impregnating the woman knew she had come off the pill. Seems like he didn't want to talk about it and stupidly thought she'd wait till he'd agreed or left. Shit decision making but he didn't consent because he didn't say Yes. That means he didn't consent whatever way you try to say it.

Batteriesallgone · 14/05/2017 06:45

It is definitely clear. She said 'I am going to stop taking my pill on Aug 1st and I will no longer have contraceptive protection from that date. I still want to sleep with you because I want a child. If you don't, don't sleep with me'.

How is that not clear?

heateallthebuns · 14/05/2017 07:04

I think it's probably ok as everything has worked out well. She's a bit stupid to tell you and be feeling guilty though. That isn't going to help anyone. She needs to toughen up and never mention it again.

Radishal · 14/05/2017 08:29

Then he's an idiot who thinks with his dick and she is more concerned with having a baby than with having a mature relationship. Sounds like things will work out great.
Why do some women think they have a human right to have a baby whatever the circumstances?

BadToTheBone · 14/05/2017 08:54

I do know someone who came off the pill without telling her dh but didn't get pg, they then decided to have a baby but she had to wait another full year before they could get help to conceive, she knew it had been far longer than s year but couldn't say anything without giving the game away. It did her mental health no good at all.

To those all saying it won't work as he didn't want kids, how is it different to getting pg accidentally, dh and I didn't want kids but it happened and we're both besotted with ds, who is now 15. If he never knows, how is it different to how my dh has been?

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 14/05/2017 09:07

Because of the deceit. Because of the lies. Because she's intentionally going behind his back and showing no respect for him, his opinions or his feelings.

MorrisZapp · 14/05/2017 09:08

My brother was tricked this way. He's a great dad but the relationship didn't survive.

It's all very well saying that men who don't want kids should wear a diving suit to bed but in that case what is the point of the pill? In a trusting relationship, you shouldn't have to stand over your partner while they swallow their pill. I can see the aibu now, 'my dp doesn't trust me to take my pill and insists on watching me swallow it each day'.

Really? Nobody would call this weird or controlling behaviour? Of course they bloody would.

KallyBox · 14/05/2017 09:08

My DSD was conceived in these circumstances. But with younger parents, particularly a mum in her early 20s who so desperately wanted a baby when her partner was categorically not ready.

It did have a happy ending - they split before DSD was 1, both found lovely new partners, got married to them, and started their own families. DSD was too young to remember the split and only remembers ever having 2 parents AND 2 stepparents who love her more than anything. She is a very well adjusted child, does not have to witness her parents adjusted ruing, everyone co-parents together nicely.

But I'm sure that's not the same happy ending that your 'friend' wants.

LaLegue · 14/05/2017 11:37

Totally, totally agree with you Morris (actually I notice I usually agree with you on most things)

It seems to me that men in serious / long term relationships are rather damned if they do and damned if they don't where trying to take some control over BC is concerned.

Passthecake30 · 14/05/2017 11:56

I think it's fine tbh. She must've known he would be ok with it if his reaction is good.

Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 12:01

I wonder how many people would say 'it's fine' it's worked out ok, if it happened the other way! I love my dd, can't imagine not having her, but....if I found out the only reason I had her was because my boyfriend put holes in the condoms or didn't wear one while telling me he did. I'd be furious and it would most definitely be the end of our relationship.

And I'm pretty sure if I posted on mn, I'd be told getting LTB!

PollytheDolly · 14/05/2017 12:04

I think it's fine tbh. She must've known he would be ok with it if his reaction is good.

That's not the point though, is it?

Crankycunt · 14/05/2017 12:04

It's deceitful, morally reprehensible behaviour. Just so repugnant.

Poor kid, being brought into the world because of deceit.

Floggingmolly · 14/05/2017 12:10

She didn't know anything, Passthecake.
There was a 50% chance it would have panned out entirely differently, as evidenced by several posters on this thread. What trite nonsense!

userpol · 14/05/2017 12:41

bluebell, while I do think this is a shitty thing to do, your ex isn't responsible for your current partner's attitude to kids with you; that's all on him and his own way of dealing with things (or lack thereof) - you can't blame her for your lack of a family now. Confused

userpol · 14/05/2017 12:42

(His ex, not yours)

joannegrady90 · 14/05/2017 12:48

Why have you posted op?

All you've done is defend this woman who is clearly you.

Guilty conscience?

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 14/05/2017 13:02

I did it. It really isn't a black and white situation and I'm not going to go into it all. I told my DP shortly after I found out I was pregnant; I was 41 and frankly didn't actually think I'd get pregnant. But I did. I gave my dp the option to clear out if he wanted but he's stuck around.

I have never regretted what I did, if I hadn't done it I wouldn't have my ds. End of.

If your friend and her dp are happy she's pregnant then she shouldn't feel guilty.

Floggingmolly · 14/05/2017 13:05

It isn't a black and white situation
You're wrong. It is, actually.

LaLegue · 14/05/2017 13:08

Give It's totally black and white. If you aren't getting the commitment you need from a partner and they don't want the same things as you you should cut your losses and move on. Not lie and connive and use your own child as a pawn in your manipulative games.

End of. Hmm. HTH.

Valentine2 · 14/05/2017 13:21

It won't end well. Even the best of the unplanned pregnancies wreck havoc sometimes. This is cheating though I can see why she did it. But then every crime can be explanined one way or the other if you go down that route.

PeachyPip · 14/05/2017 13:39

It is totally black and white and it is appalling and manipulative behaviour. Whatever the reasons.

Didn't Liz Jones admit to trying to 'steal' her partners sperm 🤔

TiggyMP · 14/05/2017 13:46

She had sex with somebody without their informed consent.

Is that not illegal?

Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 15:13

So guessing you'd be ok with your ds's future girlfriend doing the same to him then Give

Bluebell878275 · 14/05/2017 15:25

userpol I know..he can help some of his feelings. This is just a snapshot of what she put him through and eventually me. She is to blame for a lot..there are on-going issues which have certainly made it very difficult to factor in children. That is all on her.