Anyone tricked their partner into having a baby?

[B42]

My friend is lovely, sweet, tough, strong willed.

Has been in a relationship for 4 years. Her dp loves her but as a result of a fucked up upbringing, won't marry her.

She doesn't care about marriage but at the age of 40, does care about the clock ticking with regards to kids.

He says he loves her to death. Doesn't want to be with anyone else, isn't looking. And wants children. But wants to be married first.

So catch 22.

She finally decided to take matters into her hands and stop taking the pill. Without his knowledge.
And is now pregnant. Has never been happier.

He is over the moon too.

But she is now feeling guilty that she "tricked" him.

Personally I think all's well that ends well.

What do you think?

My DP is the most indecisive bloke I know. I was broody for a LONG time in our relationship. All his procrastination broke my bloody heart and I was seriously running out of time.

Our DC is the best thing in his life - he will tell you this. He is an utterly amazing dad. I knew he would be. I knew he would adore the bones of our future DC.

But I never tricked him into a pregnancy. We talked about it and we planned it. Because while he might have been happy about an accident, if he thought for one second I had engineered it, he'd have rightly packed his bags.

Serious issues with consent here, he consented to sex with a low risk of conception but she exposed him to a significantly higher risk of conception because she withheld the fact that she had ceased taking the pill. In my book that is assault and its also controlling manipulative behaviour.

I have little doubt that he's "over the moon" as that is what he is supposed to feel.

I expect she will continue to use deception and manipulation to get her own way forever more.

I am a fair bit older than DH (9y).
We got together when I was 36, we had the baby discussion, he definitely wanted children but he thought he would wait until he was 35 before having any. I pointed out that I would be well into my 40s by then, and it would be possibly too late; and I gave him the option of us splitting and him finding someone younger.

He didn't take that option, he did take on board what I had said and agreed to start trying for a baby much earlier than he'd planned (because he hadn't taken biology into account). And we got lucky and have 2 DSs.

But we talked openly and honestly about it. I gave him clear options; he had the choice. He was the one who really wanted DC, I was fairly ambivalent about it, despite being older. And if I hadn't fallen pregnant, and we hadn't had DS, and it turned out we would have remained childless then the option for him to leave and find someone younger would still have been in play. Because that's how you treat someone you love - you want to make them happy.

It's a cunts trick and make no mistake.

"I gave my dp the option to clear out if he wanted but he's stuck around. "

Wow what a great choice. I've deceived you and taken away your autonomy on this decision, but if you want you can fuck off and live with being the kind of person who abandons their child.

OP, suppose we lived in a world where I could somehow sign you up to a 25 year mortgage without your consent. For 25 years, you have no choice but to hand over £700 of your take home pay each month. You absolutely have to find this money, the consequences if you don't are unthinkable. I didn't get your permission, in fact I knew you didn't want to do this, but I committed you anyway. And I think it's ok because you will have a nice house at the end. Shared with me.

Does this idea delight you?

It's less of a life changing commitment than parenthood.

*It's a cunts trick and make no mistake.

"I gave my dp the option to clear out if he wanted but he's stuck around. "

Wow what a great choice. I've deceived you and taken away your autonomy on this decision, but if you want you can fuck off and live with being the kind of person who abandons their child.*

Ah yes, the good old damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Expat I think we are in agreement on that point. I have spent the last 4 years having recurrent miscarriages so perhaps age 36 I should have assumed it wasn't possible and tried to adopt. It might have saved some heartache. Can't help still hoping though.

I confess that I did trick XH into having a child. We had been married a year, after four years of living together. He was 13 years older than I and had two DC from a previous marriage. In my defence (if there is any), I had always been very clear that I wanted at least one child and that if he was completely opposed to having more children, we shouldn't marry. We talked about having children in a roundabout way, even on our honeymoon. The only birth control I/we were using was Persona, where you pee on a stick to determine when ovulation occurs. So naturally enough, I fell pregnant, although what I did was very bad: I told him it was "safe" when in fact I was ovulating!

When I gave him the news I was PG, which was about a year after our marriage, he went ballistic and asked me to have an abortion. I threw my wedding ring at him and told him to fuck off. With hindsight, I wish he had fucked off! We had two DC during the course of our marriage; the second child was planned.

I still feel guilty for having deceived him. I shouldn't have done it. Yet I believed my only chance of having at least one child would be by accident. And if he had been so against having children with me, he should have worn a condom or had the snip. Or never have married me.

Lies and deceit have no place in a relationship.

If someone did this to me, I would do my best for the child but the resentment that that person has in fact ruined my life with something I said I didn't want, would take over sooner or later.

A man did this to me by sabotaging his condom and I had to have a termination I was absolutely devastated. We broke up and I found he had done it to other women too. He wanted a baby, mother not important. This type of thing sounds innocent but it ruins lives.

Mermaid what a despicable man. I'm so sorry this happened to you. :(