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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

999 replies

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:00

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

OP posts:
Rubies12345 · 12/05/2017 00:12

Don't stay at your sister's. At least you'll know if he comes home or not

Original poster
backscratcher · 12/05/2017 00:13

Shaking - I don't know that it relates to tomorrow. I just saw that message and the sudden overtime shift that he has taken on for tomorrow etc and put 2 and 2 together and hopefully come up with 5.

I thought the rest of the message might have read 'are you coming straight from work' but that doesn't make sense as his usual shift for a Friday would finish at 3.

I wish I'd just asked him about it when he came downstairs. Now if I ask him in the morning then it's going to look as if I'm accusing him of something.

I really must go to bed now. Thank you for all your messages. I'll read through them all properly tomorrow when I'm capable of thinking a little straighter.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 12/05/2017 00:14

I hope it's a wrong Number

((((((((Hugs)))))))) OP

sexymommy · 12/05/2017 00:15

Like stalking him isn't wrong use would be hiring private investigators next it's drinks

PollyCazaletWannabe · 12/05/2017 00:15

It doesn't sound good OP :( hope you're OK

cavatron · 12/05/2017 00:17

Big hugs OP xx

SweetLuck · 12/05/2017 00:18

Surely you're going to have to go there. It's not like you could enjoy the night out with your sister anyway.

Guiltypleasures001 · 12/05/2017 00:18

Hi op

Premier inns normally have their own bars and restaurants, especially in the bigger ones

Cricrichan · 12/05/2017 00:19

What time were you supposed to have left for your sister's? Though if they have a room then he could go to the room and shower and get ready first if he goes straight from work.

TheMaddHugger · 12/05/2017 00:20

Tell your Sister, She can help go as backup when you check that place out.
If My Sis was in your position, I couldn't go out and ignore her pain, I'd get a posse up ready to find out wtf is going on

Valentine2 · 12/05/2017 00:24

If My Sis was in your position, I couldn't go out and ignore her pain, I'd get a posse up ready to find out wtf is going on
This so true. Please go and check yourself. Or sendcsomekne else but make sure they get the proof somehow.
Sorry it's hard. Flowers

alphajuliet123 · 12/05/2017 00:24

First thing in the morning:

"You were chuntering on about French Martinis in your sleep last night....lol.... where on earth did that come from?!?"

I reckon his response will teach you a lot.

Valentine2 · 12/05/2017 00:26

I reckon his response will teach you a lot.
Please don't do this kind of thing. Don't confront him till you have checked. If he is a heat and there is no innocent explanation to it, he will lie through his teeth and will make you feel you are going mad probably. Don't confront. Just first check the place they decided to meet at.

Scarftown · 12/05/2017 00:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

innagazing · 12/05/2017 00:29

Check his car now before you go to bed to see whether he's put an overnight bag in there or spare clothes.
Also, get to the venue early as if they have a room booked, they'll probably go there first, and you may miss them in the bar (although I guess his car will be in the car prk)

Italiangreyhound · 12/05/2017 00:32

Why not go to his workplace at 6.00 or whatever, if he is there great, have a bottle of champagne in your pocket and say i just wanted to tell you how much I love you.

If he is not there, head to french martinis bar and see what is happening.

I would not tell my sister of my suspicions. I would just call her and say I was running late. If the worst case scenario is real, I would call her and say I was ill and then try and work out what to do about feckless partner.

I really hope it is not worst case scenario.

I think most likely scenario is it is another day and Dave really is Dave and the French martinis is their joke for real ale and it is the only pub in miles that sells 'Hoptimus Prime' real ale.

mustiwearabra · 12/05/2017 00:35

OK so this is potentially extremely awful. But, OP, you have us on your side and we are an excellent bunch of spies. You need to:

  • Phone the hotel and say you're just phoning to confirm your reservation for one night under the name of X
  • Get a friend to go there for the meeting time
  • Go there yourself
  • Check the boot of his car for overnight bag, lift the floor of the boot in case he's put it underneath.

We're all here for you.

CalmItKermitt · 12/05/2017 00:35

Dodgy as hell. Sorry op 😟

Justaboy · 12/05/2017 00:36

Actually that's a good idea check to see how many miles he has on the clock and check it again when he gets back.

I caught my cheating ex once out by doing just that:)

user1471549213 · 12/05/2017 00:36

As others say perhaps it is for another day and not tomorrow. Hoping it's all innocent. I think I'd ring the land-line in work tmro around 6.30 and see if he's there. Will give you some reason to ask him where he was if he's not there, you'll know it's not innocent.

DaisyChainsForever · 12/05/2017 00:36

Does he have an ipad? If he does and you can get into it the messages will be in there (unless he's turned off that function).

SpunBodgeSquarepants · 12/05/2017 00:40

No don't ask him about the message - he'll have time to cover his tracks. You need to go to XXXXXX at 6:45 to catch him in the act.

IloveBanff · 12/05/2017 00:42

I agree. Say nothing to him, just turn up there and catch him with her.

FancyFingers · 12/05/2017 00:43

Hope you manage to get some sleep op.

Flowers
April229 · 12/05/2017 00:50

Op I'm sorry but it's so obviously an affair, I would go tomorrow and see who it's with. Perhaps the ref to French martini's are a joke about a previous occasion where they have stayed somewhere posher?

I think if you ask him about it he will lie, call it off and be more careful next time and you may never be able to confirm it.