Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

Id ask him straight out! You didn't purposely go through the phone. He knows when the phone gets a message while on silent it lights up and you see a preview! You've a right to know.. \ ask.

There will be a hotel or Travelodge near the pub. Or Davina might live nearby.

My suggestion is relax he's never given u any reason to not trust him maybe he's planning a surprise trip or maybe he is gunna propose and needed to make up a story so u would be totally surprised just don't ruin ur relationship on one bloody text

Is no one willing to say there could be an innocent explanation for this?

I'm a walking cliche here - but he's not the 'type' to cheat. (Although I didn't think my daughter's dad was the type to cheat until I received an email when I was being induced...Fucking men and technology...)
He knows how strongly I feel about this shit. I can't believe he would do this to me.

I have to go to bed now (and try not to put a fucking pillow over his face). I'll check back tomorrow and hopefully my head will be a bit clearer.

Thank you all for keeping me company.

Can you send one of your friends there to spy? Someone he hasn't met before?

I think he's innocent until proven guilty..

Could it be a gay friend?

Have a look at his Facebook if you can...

unapaloma - I don't know for sure that it's tomorrow, that's true. Just a feeling now.
He doesn't have too many friends or colleagues that he would go for a drink with - I know all of them, or know of them - and none of them that I can think of are called David.
I don't see why he would go to this particular place either. When he goes for a drink on a night out, it's local to us.
I'm not sure what the attraction is with the XXXX place. Why there? And why not mention it to me?

Is no one willing to say there could be an innocent explanation for this? I think a few posters have said it might be about something next week etc. At this stage you don't know it's about tomorrow.

There are only two possibilities. It's innocent or it's not.

And there are only three options. 1) you ask him who he's having French Martinis with, 2) you go to xxxxx at 6:30 tomorrow and see if he's there, 3) or you just continue to get all stressed not knowing

Just pick an option and go with it.

Could David have sent the text to the wrong person??
It doesn't look great OP, but surely you would be better to talk to him about it than make all these assumptions. If he has nothing to hide he could show you the texts between him and David. Hope it's innocent.

Seriously why is everyone saying check his messages social media.

It doesn't sound good OP.

I'd go to where he is meeting 'David' tomorrow. For me, there wouldn't be any point not going as I would not be able to carry on any sense of normality anywhere else anyway. I'd tell your sister that something cropped up at the last minute. I'd also see if there was a trustworthy friend who might be able to go with me and be there for a talk/cry afterwards which hopefully won't be necessary at all. x

Btw OP - something I do for my anxiety is in a situation, I think of worst case scenario, best case scenario and most likely middle ground.

Ie worst case; he's cheating
Best case: he's planning a surprise proposal
Most likely middle ground: it's a friend / it's a private joke about French martinis / it isn't tomorrow / etc etc etc

So don't jump to conclusions on anything just yet until you have proof

Get some sleep and good luck tomorrow

I can't imagine many men drinking French martinis. I can't think of an innocent reason either tbh.
It does sound like he's taking advantage of you being away for the night to meet another woman and stay over. Surely if he just wanted to avoid the party he'd be meeting 'David' at the local for a beer not for fancy cocktails at a restaurant 40 mins away, far enough for him to not bump into your friends perhaps.

I'd go to this place tomorrow night and see them arrive late at your sisters - just to put my mind at rest either way

Oh god I'd be in pieces! I hope you're ok OP?

I'm not sure what I'd do. I'd feel sick. Part of me would just want to ask outright. Part of me would want to ask tomorrow how his French Martinis were.

Sorry might be me being stupid. If he was planning a surprise why would he be getting text messages about French martinins????

OP my guess would be that XXXX place would be walking distance from OW's house, where he plans to spend the night. I really hope I'm wrong.

Like a PP poster said, maybe David sent the message to the wrong person? clutching at straws , but I would also go to xxxxx and see him there OR I would casually say 'when are you meeting David? I seen the message the other day, it would be nice to meet more of your friends' and see what his reaction to that is.

I've checked. The pub has a Premier Inn on site.
It's a shitty gastro fucking pub place - a chain place you'll all have heard of. How fucking great can the french martini's be? And they even do french martinis in a place like that?
I think I must be missing something here.
Maybe I got the place wrong, and it's another place altogether. Why would it be there.

OP I'd trust your gut - horrible as it is feeling. I'm afraid I've been there and my guts saying its not good. Go there tomorrow.

I wouldn't rely on phoning him at work, many work phones can be set up to forward calls to mobile whenever necessary.

There may be an innocent explanation, but I would have to wake him up, explain what I'd innocently seen and insist on the phone being unlocked to 'set my mind at ease'. Or be at that bar just after the allotted time.

You just need to go there OP. With your phone camera ready.

Or... you could of course hire a private investigator to be wait there instead. Who won't get recognised and will do a better job of catching him out. A bit alarmist, maybe. But probably what I would do.